DP won't see me due to DD

[Potplant32]

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

I've been homeschooling my DD7 since Christmas whilst working full time from home. I'm technically a key worker but am able to sort of do my job ok from home. DD7 is massively struggling with her schoolwork to the point where she has no idea what is going on in her live lessons. Her classmates don't seem to be having the same problem. I'm also really falling behind in my own work as I'm constantly trying to help DD (my line manager pulled me up on this last week).

DD's school have rung me and said they're concerned that DD is going to fall too far behind (she's starting middle school in September). They have said that technically because I'm a key worker there is a place for her at school to attend part or full time (there are hardly any kids in).

I have been with my DP for 3 years although we do not live together. He came round last night and I filled him in on the above. He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So I'm now in a situation where either my DD falls massively behind at school and I struggle to work but DP will continue to see me, or I keep her off and we keep on as we are and he will continue to come over. I really don't know what's for the best (sorry this was quite long).

He sounds awful and selfish

Put YOUR child first and ditch him if he's horrible and awkward

If you put him before your child's education you will regret this forever and your daughter will get further behind

I wouldn't have even given it a second thought

Nobody would come before my Children

You are doing the right thing. He isn't part of your household. He's your boyfriend, not partner in that he's not sharing the responsibility for funding the household or home schooling your DD. So your priorities are her needs, your ability to earn a living, then her father's needs.

Be very careful moving a man that uninterested in your DDs needs into your family. He's a boyfriend only, not suitable for step father role so shouldn't live with you until dd is an adult.

Well he sounds like a right charmer. You've done the right thing.

@Potplant32

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

Response? ‘Suits me!’!

The empathy I have here is for OP's daughter. She shouldn't have a man like that in her life.

I'm yet to be convinced that OP will dump him for good.

[quote Potplant32]@Bagamoyo1 I haven't yet pointed this out but I know what his reply will be - he can't control who his DC's Mum has over at their house and he has no choice but to see his child, whereas I'm actually choosing to send my DD in to school. [/quote]
And you should reply that he is asking you to choose to Sabotage your daughter's education.
What a gaslighting bastard he is 🤬

don't back down, call his bluff and see what he does, this will tell you a lot about his true character
(as if we didn't know already 🤬)

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

Suggest "Ok, how about making this a permanent arrangement?" as a reply.

My response to him would be
‘Fine, I appreciate that you wont come round if my DD goes to school... should I pack your toothbrush or can you get it yourself?”

I think he has shown you the sort of person he is. He is the sort of person who expects you to put his interests ahead those of your own child. Of course your daughter should be your priority - wouldn't his daughter be his?

Even now he is trying to make you feel guilty for putting your own child first. I honestly couldn't look at him with any affection after that. I suggest you either don't reply at all or just reply with OK. Honestly, there must be nicer men than him out there.

Not his kid flunking school though is it.
Not you potentially losing your job....
What a peach

I'm alright Jack pull up the ladder
he only cares about himself

[quote Potplant32]@Bagamoyo1 I haven't yet pointed this out but I know what his reply will be - he can't control who his DC's Mum has over at their house and he has no choice but to see his child, whereas I'm actually choosing to send my DD in to school. [/quote]
And he can't control what you decide with regards your childs education. It's up to him if he chooses to continue to see you or not, you can't control that either.
Do whats best for your daughter. If it's not compatible with whats best for him (or what he wants), that's just too bad.

So you've been ok with risk taking all along just to pander to him? Unbelievable.

No, he's been okay with risk taking all along and now is expecting OP to pander to him...

OP you must text him back to say "I don't think we should see each other again ever, as I refuse to choose your needs over my daughter's"

You are hesitating which means you expect one of you to give in, it will most likely be you.

He is not a good person for you or your DD to be around.

Tell him to go and fuck himself OP.

I am not usually one for LTB but you need to end this relationship.

Don't bother to reply.

You poor thing, you deserve much better, if he can’t see how unreasonable he is , he’s an idiot.

If you carried on trying to homeschool, your daughter would suffer, you’d lose your job, and where would you be?

Homeless Id guess, as I can’t see your boyfriend sticking around.

He’s not a very nice man, imagine living with him day in and out, I don’t think you’d have a very happy life.

View this as a lucky escape , and best wishes to you and your daughter. And what a good school you have, to be concerned about your daughters progress.

he doesnt even make sense-his chold has covid right now but he doesnt want to risk it?

risk what shes already got it

and who is this relative he is seeing he cant have more than one bubble anyway-and when is he deciding how long this goes on for
covid doesnt disappear the day lockdown ends

twat

@Potplant32

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

I’d reply telling him you don’t want to see him ever....

Well done on making the decision to send DDto school, it’s definitely the right one and it’s not easy to go against what your DP wants.

*child

@Potplant32

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

"Yes. I think that's for the best."

No kisses. No apologies. Nothing else. Looks like you are getting a lucky escape.

He is horrible. He values you for what you bring to him, not for what he brings to you.

I can't believe he got angry about you daughter needing to go to school, and you needing to be able to do your job, because if affected HIM negatively. He expected you both to suffer to serve his 'needs'.
What a selfish, horrible man.

@Potplant32

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

I would just respond with ‘K.’ And then ignore him for a few days until he’s stopped acting like a stroppy jealous teen. Your DD comes first.