Page 12 | DP won't see me due to DD

RantyAnty · 26/01/2021 13:03

I rtft but I fail to see why he was so bent about you sending your DD to school? It doesn't matter but just wondering.

He really does have some nerve thinking he has any say about your DD.

Well done on putting your DD first.

You'll both be better with you being able to focus on work and her being able to have that in person support that is so important for education.

It's upsetting that your boyfriend showed his true colours, but at least you are fully aware. I hope you find the courage to make the split permanent.
You and your DD deserve much better.

pictish · 26/01/2021 13:04

Ok

That’s all you need to say. How dare he pit himself against your daughter for priority like that? Leave him to the consequences of his own making, I say.

PeggyHill · 26/01/2021 13:05

Dump him

jeaux90 · 26/01/2021 13:07

I think it says a lot about him that he is trying to emotionally blackmail you into not putting your DD first.

It's not like it's an unreasonable risk either. His relative has had a jab and his kid already had Covid as has yours so not a high risk situation.

I hope you replied with " fuckity bye"

angelaEhen · 26/01/2021 13:08

You did the right thing, your kid always comes first

MiddlesexGirl · 26/01/2021 13:10

You've made the right decision and if DP can't see that it's his problem.
Bit confused about bubbles anyway - there seem to be some overlaps so probably would have been better from the start not to be seeing you.

Original poster

Potplant32 · 26/01/2021 13:10

I haven't replied yet.

What's ridiculous is that throughout this whole pandemic he has potentially been putting me and my DD at risk due to him seeing his DC (the DC's Mum has constantly got people over at their house), but I have not once said to him it's too risky for him to come over.

I put my DD in to school because she is massively falling behind and now he can't see me?

OP posts:

stablefeet · 26/01/2021 13:11

@Potplant32

I haven't replied yet.

What's ridiculous is that throughout this whole pandemic he has potentially been putting me and my DD at risk due to him seeing his DC (the DC's Mum has constantly got people over at their house), but I have not once said to him it's too risky for him to come over.

I put my DD in to school because she is massively falling behind and now he can't see me?

He's a real catch isn't he?

AryaStarkWolf · 26/01/2021 13:11

@Potplant32

I haven't replied yet.

What's ridiculous is that throughout this whole pandemic he has potentially been putting me and my DD at risk due to him seeing his DC (the DC's Mum has constantly got people over at their house), but I have not once said to him it's too risky for him to come over.

I put my DD in to school because she is massively falling behind and now he can't see me?

So what does that tell you? and are you going to listen to the answer? I f I were you I would tell him, "that's fine, you think the relationship has probably run it's course anyway"

Chloemol · 26/01/2021 13:12

Send your DD to school

The mans an idiot if he stays he won’t be coming to see you, but his own child has covid

Let him stay away bit will give you time to think about the relationship

Bagamoyo1 · 26/01/2021 13:12

@Potplant32

I haven't replied yet.

What's ridiculous is that throughout this whole pandemic he has potentially been putting me and my DD at risk due to him seeing his DC (the DC's Mum has constantly got people over at their house), but I have not once said to him it's too risky for him to come over.

I put my DD in to school because she is massively falling behind and now he can't see me?

What does he say when you point this out?

Llioed · 26/01/2021 13:13

Send DD into school. If I were in your shoes, my DD comes first. Good luck OP.

nettie434 · 26/01/2021 13:13

It seems really illogical that he is criticising your decision and not that of his child's mother who is continuing to be in contact with people. You have made the right decision, even though it's hard to be conflicted.

Scottishskifun · 26/01/2021 13:13

@Potplant32

I haven't replied yet.

What's ridiculous is that throughout this whole pandemic he has potentially been putting me and my DD at risk due to him seeing his DC (the DC's Mum has constantly got people over at their house), but I have not once said to him it's too risky for him to come over.

I put my DD in to school because she is massively falling behind and now he can't see me?

Yep double standard straight away!

If it was me I wouldn't even reply let him think about it and if he does get in touch explain exactly what you have just written!

Original poster

Potplant32 · 26/01/2021 13:15

@Bagamoyo1 I haven't yet pointed this out but I know what his reply will be - he can't control who his DC's Mum has over at their house and he has no choice but to see his child, whereas I'm actually choosing to send my DD in to school.

OP posts:

PerveenMistry · 26/01/2021 13:15

@Potplant32

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

I've been homeschooling my DD7 since Christmas whilst working full time from home. I'm technically a key worker but am able to sort of do my job ok from home. DD7 is massively struggling with her schoolwork to the point where she has no idea what is going on in her live lessons. Her classmates don't seem to be having the same problem. I'm also really falling behind in my own work as I'm constantly trying to help DD (my line manager pulled me up on this last week).

DD's school have rung me and said they're concerned that DD is going to fall too far behind (she's starting middle school in September). They have said that technically because I'm a key worker there is a place for her at school to attend part or full time (there are hardly any kids in).

I have been with my DP for 3 years although we do not live together. He came round last night and I filled him in on the above. He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So I'm now in a situation where either my DD falls massively behind at school and I struggle to work but DP will continue to see me, or I keep her off and we keep on as we are and he will continue to come over. I really don't know what's for the best (sorry this was quite long).

FFS. Your child's education and future come before your love life.

How is this even a question??

Yewrobin · 26/01/2021 13:15

OP - both you and your daughter deserve much more than this ... there are plenty of decent men out there though it’s hardest to find one when you’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t up to scratch

StillDumDeDumming · 26/01/2021 13:16

I have been put in uncountable situations where I'm forced to choose between dp and my own dc. (Not by dp but by my ex).

It is not about putting anyone first- (can you tell that winds me up!). It's about looking at needs. Your dd needs more help with school than you can give her. Your dp, has legitimate concerns (I think he's saying he's worried about his vulnerable child. And he thinks if dd is in school mixing then there's increased risk to his child (true)

But your dp's need to see you in person does not outweigh your dd's need to an education. You can cope if you have to stay separate for a while if your relationship is ok. Nobody is put first. But in this case your dad's needs are greater.

PerveenMistry · 26/01/2021 13:18

"What's ridiculous is that throughout this whole pandemic he has potentially been putting me and my DD at risk due to him seeing his DC (the DC's Mum has constantly got people over at their house), but I have not once said to him it's too risky for him to come over. "

So you've been ok with risk taking all along just to pander to him? Unbelievable.

Original poster

Potplant32 · 26/01/2021 13:19

@PerveenMistry I can't control what his ex does. I have not seen any of my friends or family and that is all I can do.

OP posts:

DeeCeeCherry · 26/01/2021 13:20

My friends and family agree that I should be sending DD in but DP was so cross and made me feel like I was being so unreasonable that I really wanted to get some impartial advice

Come on - you make a decision thats best for your child, not your man. He doesn't even live with you. The kind of man who'd want you to choose him over your child in such a situation isn't worth having anyway . He's just putting himself 1st and adding to your stress.

Besides would you really be happy with watching your DD's schoolwork slip further, whilst he cosily comes round to yours then goes off again?

Focus on your child and your work, those are priorities.

Yohoheaveho · 26/01/2021 13:21

@AnotherDayAnotherHope

If your partner can make you doubt putting your daughter's needs first is the best thing then I'm going to say he's not a good man and you should get rid.

I agree!

Scottishskifun · 26/01/2021 13:21

[quote Potplant32]@Bagamoyo1 I haven't yet pointed this out but I know what his reply will be - he can't control who his DC's Mum has over at their house and he has no choice but to see his child, whereas I'm actually choosing to send my DD in to school. [/quote]
For the good of your child!
His child has covid currently which does then produce antibodies although there have been cases of reinfection they have been low.
What would his response be if they opened schools to everyone tomorrow the risk is still there? The controls that schools have in place currently are far better than when they were all in school as the numbers are lower in the classroom! He is being ridiculous!

SleepingStandingUp · 26/01/2021 13:21

I'd tell him "I'msorry you value the welfare of my child so little that you would expect me to keep her out of school for you. You cannot control who your child's mother see's, please do not think you can control what I do for my child"

nopenottodaysatan · 26/01/2021 13:21

Well he cant control you either id be messaging back 'ok no worries' and leave it at that. Your daughters well being comes before his, simple as that.