DP won't see me due to DD

[Potplant32]

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

I've been homeschooling my DD7 since Christmas whilst working full time from home. I'm technically a key worker but am able to sort of do my job ok from home. DD7 is massively struggling with her schoolwork to the point where she has no idea what is going on in her live lessons. Her classmates don't seem to be having the same problem. I'm also really falling behind in my own work as I'm constantly trying to help DD (my line manager pulled me up on this last week).

DD's school have rung me and said they're concerned that DD is going to fall too far behind (she's starting middle school in September). They have said that technically because I'm a key worker there is a place for her at school to attend part or full time (there are hardly any kids in).

I have been with my DP for 3 years although we do not live together. He came round last night and I filled him in on the above. He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So I'm now in a situation where either my DD falls massively behind at school and I struggle to work but DP will continue to see me, or I keep her off and we keep on as we are and he will continue to come over. I really don't know what's for the best (sorry this was quite long).

I agree with @DivGirl

@Potplant32

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

I'd say "make that forever, byeee".

Child first. End of.

“There's no other option about this. If your dp has no care for your dd's wellbeing and education, then he doesn't worth it, imo.”

This. He should have accepted that any responsible parent would put their child back in school in these circs. I think it’s very worrying that he would ask you to prioritise him and his family over your DD’s education and life chances. And the fact you were scared to tell him suggests that this is a bad relationship for you. Well done for standing your ground, OP. This might be a good opportunity for you to ease him out of your life.

STTE

Your daughter needs to go to school regardless. Her falling that far behind isnt really an option.

@Potplant32

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

wowsers. He is a manipulative selfish prick.

He's expecting you to come running and begging I think.

You are and were right to put your DD first.

Nothing to do with your DP, why would you take into account his views, particularly when his dc isn’t following guidelines? Put your dd in school, ffs.

@Dery

“There's no other option about this. If your dp has no care for your dd's wellbeing and education, then he doesn't worth it, imo.”

This. He should have accepted that any responsible parent would put their child back in school in these circs. I think it’s very worrying that he would ask you to prioritise him and his family over your DD’s education and life chances. And the fact you were scared to tell him suggests that this is a bad relationship for you. Well done for standing your ground, OP. This might be a good opportunity for you to ease him out of your life.

yes this all of this.

OP, I am very sorry you have such a person in your life. You deserve better. Your DD deserves better.

I wouldn’t even respond to that - he sounds like a total arsehole

Agreed. Just shrug and dismiss. I suspect he'll be expecting some sort of apology or for OP to beg him to change his mind.

I might be tempted to text 'your choice' but that would be my limit.

@Potplant32

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

Tell him to have a great life ?

He has a perfect right to protect his own family but he should respect your right to protect yours too.

Is he the right person to bring into your daughter's life? He does not have her interests at heart and he seems willing to bully/manipulate you into dropping her interests too.

Well done for putting her first so far - and standing up to him.

@Potplant32

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

Good on him for prioritising his family.

Ans good on you for doing the same

I am glad your Dd is going to school.

You can learn something from this, you need to always put dd first - trust your instict.

Your Partner puts you and your Dd pretty low on his list of importance.

He can make you doubt what is best fir your Dd. You are even nervous to tell him decisions about your Dd that he disagrees with.

I know what i would do

@Potplant32

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

Ah your well lucky he has shown you his true colours!

I’d reply back ‘no late you won’t be seeing me again’

Is the partner the little girl’s father? If he’s not I would ditch him and send her to school. If he is then I would still send her. It’ll help no one’s situation if you get sacked for being unproductive and distracted. I don’t know what your work expect you to do. This whole situation was not of your making, you’re doing the best you can.

Very passive aggressive text. Ignore it

If you put it to him as you have here i.e "your dc has covid, my dd has had covid, your relative has had 1st vaccine, what exactly is your issue?" And see what he says? Because there is no reasonable explanation, he's a knob. A bit of space from him might be a blessing in disguise.

Does he speak to his childs mother like that?
Before she had covid, did he threaten not to see his child as his ex was clearly not arsed about isolating? Surely he is more at risk from co parenting in that situation.

What an arsehole. Presumably he knew your work was suffering as well as your DD?

You’ve done the right thing. Your partner sounds like an arse!

'okay. think that's best'

That would be it from me. Then there's no ambiguity, you're not seen as 'sulking' by going silent and you've acknowledged the message, agreed and brushed it off.

Or just reply

OK.

Glad you've made this decision, it would have been a no brainer for me, your daughter's education is your priority (& your job). I could understand him saying it's safer to stay apart due to his own child's vulnerabilities, but the fact that she is mixing where she shouldn't would have really cemented my own decision. He is being a nob!

Op you made the right decision for you and your daughter.

I told my partner I wanted to focus on my children so might not have time to see him in lockdown and he agreed my children’s needs come first . That is how a normal, considerate man behaves.

I wouldn't bother replying. He wants you to chase him. Other wise his reply would have been" I understand, I Will miss you but we have to do whats best fir our kids. Face time later :) "

Don't get dragged into some guilt trip.
.better go get some stuff in fir some nice packed lunches op

I'd text back 'whatever'

He's sounds childish and unpleasant.

He thinks you're going to grovel to him - I suspect you might.

If it were me I'd be sending a thumbs up or nothing at all in response and then blocking and deleting his number. Move on, your daughter deserves better.