Online dating in your 40s - part 3!

[StarlightSparkle]

A new thread, so we can continue discussing the depressing reality of the above!

So the other night I got a nice fully clothed photo(normally they're topless), this morning I got told he would tell me what his kids are called when he sees me, then this afternoon we were messaging about the schools needing to be open. It seems Mr Computer Geek has been taken over by a grown up.

Hello and welcome to anyone who is new to the thread! Under and over 40s welcome too; we are all in the same storm even if in slightly different boats!

Agree with the chat about being too familiar/ gushing - I don’t like being called gorgeous or babe by a complete stranger either, or lots of xxx. If their opening line is something like ‘you have amazing eyes’ then I usually block them without replying! I just hate all that cheesy shit.

I have a virtual date at the weekend though since we arranged it we haven’t spoken at all so not even 100% sure it’s still on! Still chatting on and off to the other guy I had a virtual date with but we live too far apart to meet up at the moment. Then there’s one other guy I’m chatting with but he’s a bit hot and cold - sometimes really chatty and seems interested in finding out more about me but other times goes quiet for days on end. We’ve said we’ll meet after lockdown but I don’t know if it will happen.

Good to hear things are still going well with mr check, Viva. I guess it is hard to gauge how things will go when things are normal but sounds like a nice way to spend the time in the meantime!

Hope computer geek comes through for you this time, isitreally.

Hello @StarlightSparkle thanks for the welcome

What sites are you on?? I did try match but it was the most horrendous of all. I paid £20 for a month but I lasted 2 days before running away in horror 😂

@StarlightSparkle thanks I hope he does too. It's looking promising but I'm not getting my hopes up until he is stood on front of me. I'm not even going to make an effort in what I wear just in case.

I agree about the over familiarity and the cheesy openers, I never respond to those. Computer Geek calls me babe occasionally and I cringe,he calls me hun as well. Maybe its because I very rarely use terms like that, Dear and Love are the most I use and that's to the cats.

I’ve tried a few but the only one I’ve had any success with is Bumble. Success in the loosest sense of the word! But a few dates at least.

Maybe it will pick up once there is word that our freedoms will come back.
@Isitreally777 I wonder if you will like him when you meet him in person. You might not! Bet you're excited and nervous about it??

@Shayelle2009 I'm a bit sceptical about it, I won't believe it until he is stood there in front of me and won't let myself get excited (I did that last time when he went and got pissed with his mate instead of coming to meet me and drunk messaged until 1.30am). Yeah there is that worry that I may not like him or he may not like me, that we've created this image of each other and it won't match up in reality.

Well Mr Bumble who used his time extension on me never replied so wtf was all that about? Think the majority of these guys are just on these apps for an ego boost!

Just sent another one on bumble message, getting to the point where I dont really care if Im ignored anymore....their loss

@Isitreally777 yeah its always a surprise when you meet someone after chatting they are never ever exactly how you imagine them to be are they? Ive never had an online meet where they were nicer than I imagined! It does happen though obviously.

Hi @pineappleonpizzaornot yes why not be brave! Im sure its nothing personal they don’t reply, you are fabulous and it’s definitely them not you! X

@pineappleonpizzaornot I've had people message me that I haven't responded to though. I find that I can't talk to more than one at a time (except when Mr Computer Geek took his break as I started talking to others then as I didn't think he would be back). At the beginning I was swiping all the time. Right now I'm only talking to Mr Computer Geek, all the other conversations have stopped not because I stopped them they just stopped as I think we ran out of things to talk about. Although I'm not swiping at the moment either (I really hope Computer Geek turns up on Sunday because I find the whole thing depressing).

@Shayelle2009 I've never actually met anyone from online dating yet, so I really don't know what to expect.

All my dates have been from Match. 3 last year the last one leading to a 6 month relationship.
Had 10 (🤣) first dates this year, one I saw for a couple of week, one led to a second date then he ditched me after planning our third date without giving me any reason and then the current 2 months. One of my first dates was from Hinge. 100% failure on Bumble, either they didn't reply or if they did the conversation died, or they just disappeared!

Wow TEN first dates!! Thats amazing @VivaVegas tell me your secrets!!!

I think im brutal with the left swipe though.. id say i only go right maybe 1 in 100... if that. Then I rarely get a match 😂

@Isitreally777 i also so hope he turns up for you!!

My dates were largely Bumble, a couple from POF where I met my ex FWB and one from Tinder. I liked the volume of people on Tinder whereas Bumble felt like it was an ego boost thing for men rather than what it was initially set up for. I had 9 dates in 3 years, one was a FWB for a year. the second is my current partner of 7 months.

No secrets, I've never done Tinder and used Match as I thought those on it would be more likely to be looking for a relationship 🤔

I only liked people that I liked both at least some of their photos and felt we had things in common. Ignored anybody who couldn't be bothered to write a profile, smoked, had pictures with top off/tongue out/pint in hand etc etc.
I think you can tell quite a bit from how messaging goes, I've no interest in conversations about sex if I've never met them. I've had quite a few phone calls before meeting which again is useful. But until you meet someone there is no way of knowing if there's any attraction.
As such after messaging for a few days/maximum a week I'll say I'd like to meet them if they haven't suggested it. I had quite a few walking dates in the November lockdown, if they want to meet someone they will put themselves out to meet you even if that has to be a walk initially.

Also I'm far from perfect, I have baggage and don't expect to meet anyone my age without baggage but I know what things I will tolerate and what are dealbreakers for me.

I tend to flit from one to another and quickly delete them.. have a break then pop back on. This time im trying to just stay on and not delete bumble as think I need to try and be more patient generally but something little will just turn my stomach and ill delete everything! Got to try and just stick it out! @pineappleonpizzaornot made me laugh ‘shreks swamp’ is such a very apt description of it haha!!

It is like Shreks swamp though I think at least Shrek was kind and caring and Fionas Knight in Shining Armour!

@Isitreally777, Ive also not replied to peoples messages, just found it weird that this guy used a time extension, so I messaged and heard nothing. Alos, if Geeky twat face lets you down, I am feeling rather aggressive at the moment if you want some kneecaps breaking

I am going to keep a tally for this week....

Messages sent; 3 Replies; 0 Messages to me; 0

Im doing well arent I?!

@pineappleonpizzaornot at Geeky twat face.

Well ladies, even the ugly ones arent replying to me , I'll be off the apps for a bit now as I get my keys for my new house tomorrow, and my youngest has decided he wants to come and stay with me as hes split up his partner! So, I will be mending a broken heart for next few weeks!

I want to get settled in and start feeling like a family again, maybe dating will fall into place when everything else has!

Oh best of luck @pineappleonpizzaornot with your house move, how exciting a fresh new start, and lovely youve got your son coming to stay even if he will be sad!! Hope the move goes nice and smoothly

Ive had absolutely no matches, chats or anything today... no one nice on there at all though 🤷🏼‍♀️ Sigh