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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Online dating in your 40s - part 3!

980 replies

StarlightSparkle · 25/01/2021 21:18

A new thread, so we can continue discussing the depressing reality of the above!

OP posts:
onemorerose · 26/01/2021 20:52

I want to reply saying “it’s going well thanks, just not sure what’s going on here to be honest, what are you thinking” but that’s me with no chill. I could say “all good how are you?” But I don’t want extended small talk tbh either shit or get off the bucket! So I could just not reply?

StHaill · 26/01/2021 21:18

Matchmaking Mum Grin
Considering giving up dating for now. Decided to give Match a go. Matched with someone who had a nice profile, photos and seemed a nice person. He's just updated his profile and it's just odd. Plus original profile looking for women in 40s and details for age bracket showed 35-45, he's also changed that to 18-45. He's 50. and stated wants a serious relationship only. I despair.

onemorerose · 26/01/2021 22:52

@StHaill I love that he’s hoping for 33 years younger and no one the same age 🙄

VivaVegas · 26/01/2021 23:16

Marking place, I have lots to catch up again!

I should slip off to the 50s dating thread but it seems to have disappeared so I'll stay here!

Isitreally I agree this has to be his last chance, if he cancels or doesn't show you need to ditch him.

Pineapple sorry you're fed up, I think lots of people are fed up at the moment, another lockdown in January with nothing to do other than work and walk is soul destroying. Make plans to make your new house your home, exciting that it's all yours. Look forward not back!

My ex was a bastard, had an affair after 20 years of marriage, 24 years together but just lied and lied about it for months, told me I was crazy, going mad, losing the plot etc etc. Now lives with her (they work together), turns out it was going on for several years and she's not the first 🤬

Anyway enough about the trash!

Still seeing mr check, has been 2 months. Wish we could go out though! It's not like proper dating which is what I wanted after the shit end to my marriage. But I guess that's what you get if you meet during lockdowns!

I like him, I fancy him, we get on and can talk for hours. We have lots in common but are very different in some aspects. Not sure if we could be too different but it's hard to tell without normal life. For now, we see each other when we are both child free (neither of us had a support bubble before so that's worked for us) usually once a week, occasionally twice. We walk, cook, eat, drink too much wine, talk, just chill together and have sex! Have never watched any tv or films, just have music on and chat. It's nice, it works for us.

Obviously the cynic in me says it won't last/we'll be too different etc etc but I'm not overthinking, enjoying it for what it is for now.

Hopefully you will all find the same, especially as you're all much younger than me!

pineappleonpizzaornot · 27/01/2021 08:35

Hi Ladies.....well I woke up with the dog and no cosmic order male Smile, maybe hes waiting until next week when I move!
Feeling much better today, yesterday was just a blip!
@VivaVegas - Thank you for your kind words, and good luck to you and Mr Check. different is good too, you dont want a mirror image of yourself, it sounds like its all going well for you, keep the faith and dont overthink Flowers

Isitreally777 · 27/01/2021 09:14

@VivaVegas I'm glad it's still going well with Mr Check. I agree with the going out on proper dates, there is currently no inbetween it's either a walk(which i do every day) or mine (which feels too soon). I just want to meet Mr Computer Geek for a drink in the pub, chat then if it's working we go from there. I did ask him what his kids were called (as he talks about them) and he did say he will tell me when he sees me so that is a promising sign too.

Glad everyone's ex seems to be a bastard too Grin

Shayelle2009 · 27/01/2021 09:25

Apparently Boris will be announcing a roadmap out of this blasted lockdown... can only hope and pray... imagine how nice it will be to be out and about socialising again!!

Shayelle2009 · 27/01/2021 09:27

Ive got a couple of matches on Hinge, after nothing for ages. I just feel im so difficult as ones over enthusiastic on asking loads of questions and the others calling me ‘beautiful’ and putting kisses in the first message. Urgh to both... is it me or them?!? Blush

pineappleonpizzaornot · 27/01/2021 09:40

@Shayelle2009 - I cant deal with a load of kisses either. I woke to a message the other morning saying "Morning gorgeous how are I hope you slept well xxx", its like we were in a relationship! This was the very first message he had ever sent me, bit too much for me.
Ive had a couple of matches on bumble, and Ive just plucked up the courage to send someone the first message.....he wont reply though Grin

pineappleonpizzaornot · 27/01/2021 09:43

@Isitreally777 - He better stick to his word this time, or he will have a bunch of nutty Mumsnetters wanting to cave his skull in!

Eesha · 27/01/2021 09:44

@Shayelle2009 im guessing schools will be back after Easter, with masks. Apparently all over 50s will be vaccinated within the next 2 months too. I think things will then start to ease up and I'm hoping things will then improve with my partner too. He has Aspergers and is struggling mentally at present so he is taking some time. But if things haven't changed, then I'll be tentatively back on the apps.

Isitreally777 · 27/01/2021 10:03

@pineappleonpizzaornot oh the poor guy I don't envy his chances eitherGrin

pineappleonpizzaornot · 27/01/2021 10:37

Has anybody had someone use an extension of time on bumble so you can message them? Ive just had a notification that a guy has extended his time on me, so I thought, sod it, I will message him, he obviously wants me to message.....he hasn't replied, maybe it was accidental on his part Grin.
Ive forgotten what its like not to be in lock down!

Eesha · 27/01/2021 11:12

@pineappleonpizzaornot i have had the extension used and found it really flattering!

pineappleonpizzaornot · 27/01/2021 11:22

Thanks @Eesha, I did too Smile, Ive sent a message, lets see if he replies, his profile looks nice, and we have similar interests.

LuckyLinda3 · 27/01/2021 11:25

@VivaVegas I so relate to your post. I enjoy our time together and we can chat for hours too but I know there are ways we are so different. I think at the minute it's the physical attraction even though I wouldn't have thought we were a match and the fact he makes me feel so good about myself. Hes protective and the kind of man who looks after and out for his partner. Do I just go with it and dont overthink? We were talking the last day and I happened to say I love a shirt on a man/someone who dresses well and he messaged me later to show me a lovely Boss shirt he bought...I was surprised as hes not that kind of dresser. I think you're right...because its not normal times its difficult to gauge.....

movingonup20 · 27/01/2021 11:39

Have to give you hope - 2 years ago I could have been moaning on this thread but I got lucky, just bought a house together Grin. My top tip is to look elsewhere from the free apps if you are serious because 95% of the men on them only want fun and many are lying through their teeth (like the 73 year old pretending to be 53, accused me of being ageist when I didn't even stop for coffee)

pineappleonpizzaornot · 27/01/2021 11:57

Dont leave us hanging then @movingonup20.....where did you find him??

Athena3686 · 27/01/2021 13:30

Hi can I join? Another one who got lucky got to a stage where I was so jaded and fed up with the sites had been ghosted , blocked stood up you name it .
Went on Match only paid 4.99 and just got talking to someone Mr music who seemed different . Been together 4 months not easy in lockdown but he’s kind , honest and genuine I guess qualities that we are all looking for good luck !!

Shayelle2009 · 27/01/2021 16:22

Hi @pineappleonpizzaornot it immediately gets my back up being called gorgeous, babe beautiful etc as they clearly throw that out there to every woman and theres nothing discerning about it, I wouldn't expect to be spoken to like that by a colleague I find it quite disrespectful and condescending! Obvs I love it when Im with someone and there’s chemistry not by a random though. Haven't replied to either of them I just have noooo desire!!
Has your bumble boy replied yet?? Smile hope hes a decent one!!!

Hi @Eesha i cant help feeling hopeful that there may be light on the horizon, but also a bit scared to feel that hope, as it seems everytime we do it gets dashed... im not even a parent I have utmost respect for anyone who is and is holding down a job too at present!! I dont know how anyone does it.

Shayelle2009 · 27/01/2021 16:26

@Eesha I always read on mumsnet but rarely post (til this week lol) and been reading your situation with your guy, i think you have been sooo damned patient and understanding towards him and you seem quite calm, I cant deal with limbo from a man myself, you deserve some support in this time.. hope he can provide that to you. X

pineappleonpizzaornot · 27/01/2021 16:34

@Shayelle2009 - I also find it disrespectful, if it with a partner thats completely different! Bumble boy not replied, so why extend his time?? Really dont get men at all....was it an ego boost just to see if I would message Confused

Eesha · 27/01/2021 16:55

@Shayelle2009 Thank you! It's a difficult one with me as we saw each other for about 6 months and were really blissfully happy. Then there was a combination of things (his parents being vulnerable) which meant we couldn't have physical contact during this lockdown. Then more recently he's had some difficult times with his Aspergers and that has been difficult as I was shut out but now seems to be slowly reaching out. I have friends who say "my friend's been seeing someone for less than you and they see each other every two weeks or they Stay over " and it makes me a bit sad. But the thing is, he's going through a tough time which isn't about me, it's about him. And i dont want to just go out and meet someone else simply because he's having a hard time. Prior to this, we said we would stay together over this period. It's been almost 7 months now together. I don't have the inclination to date anyone else, especially because of this lockdown but if I don't hear anything, then I think I'll force myself to get back on the apps just to move on.

Shayelle2009 · 27/01/2021 20:19

@Eesha... I think if you still feel there is something there between you worth fighting for then go with it and hang in there like youre doing, I really hope if our lives start coming out of the other side of this its been such an unusual set of circumstances this last year hasnt it, if its worth hanging onto and seeing how he is as we come out of the other side of it... its all you can really do isn't it. I feel for you though as when you have that special bond with someone you just need to be shown it dont you not for them to shut themselves away. You're doing so well coping with it!

Shayelle2009 · 27/01/2021 20:21

@pineappleonpizzaornot awww I was hoping for a happy update haha! I also have no patience with guys who match, you say hello then not a word back, I mean why bother. Bumbles run out men now Envy