Online dating in your 40s - part 3!

[StarlightSparkle]

A new thread, so we can continue discussing the depressing reality of the above!

They do it because they can. Been there myself,invested way too much time thinking about the whys. Lockdown made me really address this and I deleted and blocked all idiots(there were a lot!)
Don't suggest a phone call,he will just make excuses. Just call him.

@bangheadhere40 no, I hate talking on the phone so I've never suggested it. Yes it's been 3 months of intense messaging here too and yes I'm probably way too over invested and probably a silly deluded fool too.

Facetime him?

Yes. Next time you are messaging ( is it on WA?) Just face time him...don't ask, just do it.

You will have your answer...have you checked him on social media? Facebook / LinkedIn? He might not actually be who he says at all.

Ooh good idea from @bangheadhere40 if you're chatting just switch to video call and see what he does?
If he's married or any other dodgy reason he'll shit himself.
I feel for you.
I'm a massive massive over investor, I wont fill up this thread with it as I've just been lurking here, but I do understand how hard it is to let go.
For me i end up doing things to avoid the sadness and loneliness I've felt for a long time.
I've only just realised that and got myself into a mess. Dont be me, if you can cut him loose, do x

Can I join! Just turned 40 and just dipped my toe into old ! Scary

@Clovertoast thank you, yes cutting him loose is probably the best idea. I'd be in the gym usually so am getting frustrated and probably spending too much time messaging him because I'm not doing much else.

isitreally do you know he is who he says? Ie social media?

@Isitreally777 how have you left it with him?

@bangheadhere40 I can't find him on social media, although I know lots of people who aren't on it so that doesn't really concern me too much.

@Eesha it's kind of been left open ended, messaging has been kept minimal today. In fact only one or two. Even though I want to ask him what the deal is. I'm keeping busy though this weekend so I won't be tempted to message him.

@Isitreally777 usually you can find people somehow, even work etc or 192. I personally wouldn't message him anymore or keep it yes and no, or even say outright that you aren't convinced he is who he says he is and that you're being catfished. He should really pull all the stops out to prove otherwise.

I'm just wondering if he is actually the person in the photo...a lot points to not being

@Isitreally777 i remember chatting online to someone on fab. Utterly gorgeous body. He was quite ambivalent but we chatted as friends. It ocurred to me his photos may be fake so I asked him to send a picture with him and a thumbs up, but nothing. He was faking it completely! It was my first experience of faked pictures and couldn't see why someone would do it but I guess it would attract the women he wouldn't normally meet. I'm not saying Mr Computer Geek is this but he's definitely hiding something. What helps me, awful as it sounds, is if I imagine them laughing at me. That really puts me off someone and stops me messaging.

@Eesha I know when I've been on Tinder in the same town as he says he lives, he shows up as x miles away so that bit is true at least.

He has sent me several photos now, and I've even done a reverse image search on the photos and nothing comes up(I may have done it wrong mind you) none are professional all taken with his mobile(same phone in his tinder photos).

His story (if that is what it is) seems so well thought out that I can't help but believe it's true. He is definitely hiding something though I agree.

@Isitreally777, have you spoken ? Heard his voice? Does he have a Whatsapp pic ?

@Isitreally777 I have actually just remembered a computer geek (and he was actually working in IT) of my own that I met on tinder years ago.
We started talking on snap and we chatted for maybe a year, maybe more? Anyway, he seemed to fancy me but we never met, despite me pushing to, we more just became friends updating on our life but he did make it sexual at times. I really don’t know if he was insecure or in a relationship or just looking an ego boost but after the 3rd or 4th (or possibly more) time of me asking him to meet and him having an excuse I just blocked him.
I have to say that hitting that button was hard as we did have good chats too but since then I’ve completely forgotten about him and I’ve just had to wrack my brain to remember his name.

Hit the block button, this guy is going nowhere with you and he’s stringing you along. Just hit the block button and if you don’t feel relieved you can always undo it.

@pineappleonpizzaornot hope your son is ok and I think it’s lovely you’ll be living together for a bit. Did you move into your new house yet?

@Isitreally777 I think my computer geek was a safety net to me and I think yours is too. Just block him and be done with it. If you’re anything like me you don’t need more stress in your life. If he mostly sends topless pics I’m guessing he wants his ego stroked for whatever reason. I’m so annoyed for you that he let you down again, at least make a stand now that you won’t put up with it. Honestly if I was with you now I’d take your phone and block him myself.

I always insist on video chat in the first week , if they refuse then they get blocked as there are loads of catfish on bumble , i even got it in my profile must be happy to video chat !!!

Hi everyone sorry for the late reply I've been so poorly this week today is the first day I've felt better!! So I've binned mr fuckface off as we shall now call him. After I had to cancel last weekend I've tried to call him, message him and I've had zero reply. He has completely ghosted me. I refuse to allow anyone to mess me around.

Thing is and maybe I'm wrong but when they aren't on any social media I see that as a red flag that they have something to hide 🤔. He didn't have any social media and his texting/calling patterns were sometimes sporadic. I don't know it doesn't matter now anyway.

I had been chatting with another iron - mr beanie as he wears a lot of hats 😉. We are having a FaceTime date tomorrow. Zero red flags with this one we are already Facebook friends so he has nothing to hide . He seems like a gentleman which is rare these days

Glad you are feeling better now @ and I wonder if mr fuckface thought that you’d lost interest in him? Anyway, wasn’t meant to be.
I’m hardly ever on fb I hate it to be honest and I’d never friend a potential iron on there unless we had went to friends territory and so he was no longer an iron. I wouldn’t take not having fb as a red flag at all. Video chat is a good call if you can’t meet in person.

I’ve another walking date with mr beach tomorrow. We’ve had a couple of hour long phone calls this week so it feels like we are getting to know each other more but I think he holds a lot back, I provably do the same to be fair.
He knows my children will be away tomorrow night so I don’t know whether he’ll be expecting an invite in!

Don’t be put off by no social media, I don’t have any! Good luck @onemorerose let us know how it goes

Urgh @Angelofdeath at least you found out what he was like! Thank goodness for your Mum