DP happy to sit back and struggle with house renovation

[PandoraRocks]

A bit of background. DP and I are in our 50s. We have a good business together but live apart. We have been together for a long time, well over 10 years.
He wouldn't move into my previous house because he didn't like the area and he won't move in with me now because 'I might throw him out'. I've inherited my parents' house where I currently live - large detached on a big plot. He's wanted me to sell this ever since they died and get a place together in a different area. I'm not keen because we've split up twice, his house is small and dilapidated and I like my house and area.

I've started renovating my house as it needs a lot of work. DP used to be a builder/plasterer years ago and is very skilled and knowledgeable. He has done work for me on a rental property in the past and I paid him.
However, he said he wont help with my house renovation because there's 'nothing in it for him', it would just increase the value of my property and I won't sell it anyway. I might sell sometime but surely thats up to me. I'm in no rush.
I've painted the outside, with DP help for which I paid him 2/3 of the going rate. I guess he did this for the money I've replaced the windows. But from then on, its been a nightmare. Cowboy builders and a half finished small extension. I've left that till the weather improves and started on the inside. I've just had a stud wall done by a carpenter and that's not up standard.

Honestly I am so pissed off and upset that DP can watch me struggling and losing money when he could help me. What a contrast to the way he treats other people - helping friends with cheap jobs, running around for weeks trying to find and pay for a bloody car for his married, adult daughter. She only has to click her fingers and Daddy comes running. But he can listen to me crying on the phone and say 'well tradesmen don't give a shit about you'.
I'm seriously worried I'm just going to go through money as its so so hard to find decent tradesmen. I've got one and he won't help me. I'm in despair. AIBU?

"He has only slept at my house twice. Its always me travelling to his place."

So in other words "deliver sex to my door and then go away again, thanks".

So you’ve told us he’s a tradesman. And he has told you tradesmen don’t give a shit about you.
I don’t think you need to read to hard between the lines, do you?

I hope you're okay OP

Fine thanks @Blue.
Bit of an update. He is now doing work for me after seeing some of the shit jobs done by other people. He's offered to help out and he is happy with mate's rates. Asked me why I just didn't ask him to do the whole renovation! I didn't because two years ago he said he didn't want to get involved.
He's staying here for a while. I've also found a good plumber so things are looking up!

Hi OP,

It's good you feel that things are looking up, but are you seeing the bigger picture?

Do you really feel he has your best interests at heart, or is he hoping to get his hands on the proceeds of your house, in one form or another?

Is he really worth endangering your future financial security for?

He sounds like someone who would end up badmouthing you as he does everyone else in his life.

@PandoraRocks

I'm in South Wales not far from Swansea so if anyone can recommend any decent builders/carpenters then please do.

Greens carpentry and builders are v good. Long wait for them but great craftsmen. Paul bidder plasterer. Both swansea based. Oh and aspect aluminium windows.

@PandoraRocks

Fine thanks @Blue. Bit of an update. He is now doing work for me after seeing some of the shit jobs done by other people. He's offered to help out and he is happy with mate's rates. Asked me why I just didn't ask him to do the whole renovation! I didn't because two years ago he said he didn't want to get involved. He's staying here for a while. I've also found a good plumber so things are looking up!

OP you look after your own best interests my lovely... glad the work is finally being done too 🌺

I hate to say it but his comment about how he ‘hasn’t got anywhere in life’ make me think he is hoping to ‘get somewhere’ by marrying you and taking half of your assets.

You'll soon get fed up with having him under your feet all the time but it's good he is doing your house renovation.

He sounds like bad news OP, get rid or he will bleed you dry. Maybe his ex cheated because he's selfish and grabby?

Protect yourself OP.

You atevwith the absolute dregs of society.

Expect nothing from him.

Please protect yourself.

Years on MN tells me you are going to be ripped off.

Protect yourself.

Essentially you do not wish to share your wealth as you have more than him, I can't blame you.

But neither can I blame him, the outlay, the stress and the finacial nightmare that inevitably always exceeds original quotes can be an awful burden if you are not fairly recompenced.

Renovating older houses is time consuming and he's probably got to the age where taking on this project, without profit doesn't sound too appealing.
Comparing renovating a house to some paperwork seems a little unfair.

I would never expect someone to do this for me unless I was married to them, or they were my family.
Other than buying a house, renovating a house is probably the second largest outlay of money you will spend in your life, it's a big ask.
Maybe he thinks you will rip him off.

I've known many women go out with tradesmen to get work done on the cheap.

Your update might seem good but the situation still doesn't seem good to me OP.

10 years and he's only come to yours twice before? No way should he be expecting you to consider buying a house with him. He sounds a bit of a timewaster.

DO NOT MARRY HIM