Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

[MoreLegsThanMe]

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

His father has disowned him now.

DS said yesterday he will call him by his given name for the rest of his life, because he isn’t his dad any more

What is he 16!!!
He’s a fool! And she’s an awful women to do what she did. What’s the age gap 30 years??

@Catty1720 he’s 60 in March. She’s 37.

I know it’s so hard to see but you are going to be ok.
You’ve lost him and you love him I understand but in time the anger will kick in.
He’s lost EVERYTHING and gained a GF 23 years his junior he’ll soon be traded in and when he does you won’t be there to pick up the pieces.

My only advice to you is to take each day as it comes. The feelings that you will feel are only natural, one minute you'll hate him the next you'll want him back. As time goes on you'll start to realise what a scumbag he is and you'll start enjoying your life more. It's hard to see that now but trust me it will
Happen! You're such an incredible woman and your children will always look up to you as their strong mum!

I can understand your pain - my father left my mother after 23 years of marriage when I was 21, my older brother 22 and my younger brother was 18. My mother demanded that we all give up our relationship with him. That was 30 years ago, I've not seen him since.

Please don't ask or expect your children to take sides. He's left your marriage but he is still their father. Once their anger and shock has subsided they may still want to have a relationship with him. Don't be like my mother and make that difficult for them. I hated my mother for using me as a therapist, it was unfair of her, yes she hated my father for what he had done (still does) but she loved him enough at one point to have children with him.

The man you are pining for is not the person who has left. To actively search on this website and look for someone to sleep with, takes a certain type. It can't possibly be the first person he has met. You will get stronger, op. You will have love and family in your life. X

He has done you a favour !!!

You will have a happy life ahead of you

Sorry that you have had to go through this ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Massive hand hold and hug.

I've only seen this from my DHs point of view, and he is so grateful his Mum never looked back. He was 18, with two younger siblings when the Dad walked out, there is a strained and occasional relationship with the Dad but that's it.

Mum remarried last year (almost 20 years since they parted, she was with her now DH for 14ish, none of the boys would ever see her struggle, we visit often (in the good old times!) she's remarried to a lovely man.

Thank you so much.

I’d never say anything untoward to my DC and I’ve already told all five of them that if they want to talk to/see/whatever their father they absolutely can. What he has done is to me. He is still their father and I don’t expect them to not want a relationship with him.

But all five have so far said they want nothing to do with him. The oldest two have said their own children will never see him again.

I’ve honestly not put this into their heads or denigrated him at all in front of any of them.

They may change their minds in time of course, but for now they hate him.

His own children. He cried at their births. He was first to hold them. He adored them

So sorry to hear this OP. He'll regret this, but it will be too late. You're going to need advice as to how to formally end this marriage, split assets, property etc & the sooner the better. It's a horrible situation, but unavoidable.

Hi op, another hand to hold.

Try not think about them together, tormenting yourself, in reality, Christ what must he be thinking. He's thrown everything away for this charming ow.

I bet he's got his head under some blanket in a corner somewhere crying his eyes out., repeating the words, WHAT HAVE I DONE!, WHAT HAVE I DONE! His respect from everyone has just been torched, his social standing. He may have felt ok when this was secret but now? NAW !!

I would bet anything it won't last this woman has asked him to drop everything for her, this crazy Ann Boleyn type.
When the dust settles his name will be mud and no matter if he stays with her or comes to his senses he has ruined his own life.

There's no fool like an old fool.

You are a good woman, with integrity and morals, youv'e just happened upon two nasty selfish bastards on your journey in life.

That was bad luck, none and I mean none of this is your fault, but he will try and tell you it was. His life and reputation are at stake and the only way he can salvage anything is by mounting a smear campaign against you, his life depends on it.

Just warning you.
Listen to none of his bullshit, I hope his family don't entertain the bullshit either.
Take care xx

It’s like being in some kind of hell. I see all the messages she sent me. I hear what she said outside my house. I hear every lie over and over. I can almost feel him here, in our bed. Every time I close my eyes it’s all there. I was so cold when he left. I stood with my arms folded waiting for his door keys. I took off my wedding ring but he wanted me to put it back on. I just stood there and stared through him. I just looked at him.
I’ve never hurt a single soul in my life. I don’t cheat. I don’t lie. That man and our children were my entire existence. And this is my reward at the end. This is what I get for doing everything I was supposed to.

OP I would never want to push my religion on you but your local church would help you especially your nearest big city church.

With lockdown everyone can feel so distant and we’re truly locked away from everyone but churches are currently working hard to connect those who are alone and in difficult circumstances to people who can help.

You wouldn’t have to be religious, they just might be a good point of contact ❤️

Thank you @Laurapink0.

Why is it all worse at night. This house is full of DC and yet I’m so alone

You need someone in RL to talk to op, vent on here as much as you like but the pp who suggested the church knows that many people of the cloth are very clued up in the area of marriage and betrayal.
I'm not religious but know people who preach in the church.
Very informed people.

Call the samaritans when the kids are in bed, they too can help.

We are here for you.

"Men" are absolute dickheads. Fuck them all we don't need them all we need is our family and children

Soon this piece of crap will pale into insignificance

You will barely remember him

Line some good treats up
Trips away

Look after yourself xx

‘’’’’’’’His own children. He cried at their births. He was first to hold them. He adored them’’’’’

!! His still there dad !!

@dublingirl66 Barely remember him..... he's the father of her children.

She'll always "remember" him. He'll always be in her life. Whether she likes it or not. Acting like she'll never see him again. A woman will never forget about the farther of their child. No matter how bad they've hurt them. You must not have children

Please be quite because you sound stupid. Stop making up lies that's not going to make her feel better or solve the situation. She needs to hear the truth, be strong and accept the facts. thats how you move on. Not from being fed lies then being upset about it again.

He may of hurt her bad yes it's going to hurt, yes, It's going to be hard. But that's what you have to go through

I'm here OP. Not been there myself but I'm here for you. The way you've handled yourself this far is admiring. Yes you let yourself break down when the kids are in bed but that just shows what a strong caring wonderful mother and person you are. He's beneath contempt, and deserves everything he gets with that nutter. I believe he'll come to understand this sooner rather than later. Maintain a radio silence to them, don't sell you dignity and self respect for those wankers. The kids are old enough to decide what contact they want with their dad and are old enough to facilitate that. Your next step when your ready is to gather all paperwork and contact the lawyer. Make sure you have half of any money in the account. Contact a lawyer. You will be ok. But in the meantime were all here to listen. Sending and huge (in)mumsnetty hugs

Sending you OP. So sorry you are going through this.

Chances are it won't last and he'll come crawling back to you begging for forgiveness. Be strong!

You sound kind and lovely. I know it's too soon but in time you will build a new and better life and maybe even find someone. My friend has recently done just that at 56.

Hopefully you’re getting some sleep tonight OP.

You’re doing exactly the right thing taking everything one day at a time.