Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

[MoreLegsThanMe]

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

I used to like the peace of nighttime, knowing DC were all safe and warm and asleep.

It was quiet and restful.

I didn’t know what was coming did I

You won’t be alone. You have your children and grandchildren, and who knows what else the future may hold. You deserve so much better than someone who has treated you all like shit.
Take one hour at a time. You did so brilliantly today, so you know you can do it.
Warm bath, dig out the loveliest lotion you have. Hot chocolate. Keep yourself warm. And try and get some sleep. But if it’s too hard there’s always somebody on Mumsnet to listen xx

He has his phone switched off so there won’t be any contact. I haven’t tried, but I just know as soon as he got in his car yesterday he’ll have switched it off. He’ll leave it a few days before he switches it back on. He’s such a coward he can’t face the torrent of abuse he thinks will be waiting for him, so he runs from it.

They still are though. And they have a mother who will always be there for them.

Oh @adeleh. I didn’t do brilliantly at all. I did some washing and hoovering. I binned about 200 of his old DVDs and CDs. Binned a brand new pair of boots he left behind. Binned a suit he left.

That’s no achievement in a whole day!

Honestly none of that is important right now.
Of course you still love him. I’m sure every women on here that’s ever been cheated on still loved him my ex cheated on me and blamed my dad dying I still loved him I made excuses and then after a few weeks it hit me like a tonne of shit that actually no I’m better than you and I’m better than that.
It’s been such a long time to be with someone please stop being so hard on yourself. And If your husband is 60 are you similar?? Because that’s nothing your life isn’t over because he left!!!!!

How can you put anyone ahead of your own children? how? Especially someone you barely know, met on a disgusting site and shacked up for a few months with? Children you claim to love and claim you’re a good father too? How?

Honestly op you wouldn’t of you were a decent person and that’s what you have to remember he isn’t a decent person

Children that got messages from a fool of a woman that she must have known would round them? He said he hated her for doing that but he’s still gone back to her. He’s chosen hasn’t he. And my children are the losers

Nope he’s the loser!! I wouldn’t want a father like that in my life and clearly they don’t either! If he thinks it’s ok for her to do that to his children then he’s a fool and they deserve each other. Your children have you and each other. He has nothing.

He said relationships break down all the time. People can be good friends with their ex.
He can come round in time and see DD4 and DS, take them out or whatever.
Tell me he’s deluded
Please

I feel so pathetic I’m crying again but I can’t stop it. I just can’t bear that this is my life

By what your saying he’s deluded. He thinks he can just walk out on his children whatever age and that they will just accept it.
By all accounts the kids thought you were happy too??
Relationships break down and yes people can be friends my DP is on good terms with his ex - neither cheated it just fizzled and that’s the difference.
If he thinks he can do what he has done and his children wouldn’t be hurt then he’s beyond deluded.

They’ll be wrapped round each other whispering that they love each other and I’m here fucking destroyed.

You wanna cry cry just let it all out it’s normal and it will help and rant and cry and yell and cry some more you will get through this

Let them because it won’t last for long when he decides to face the music he will realise what he’s lost you his children his grandchildren and she will never be worth it she will never fix the void he will feel when he realises what he’s lost

The DC had no idea either. They thought we were happy.

They don’t deserve to be treated like this.

It doesn’t matter that they’re older they’re still my children.

I can’t make it better for them I don’t know what to do.

And OP what they have isn’t love it’s a relationship built on hurt and lies and in my experience they never last long

Wow, morelegs you did even better than I thought! Binning is stuff was a brilliant start! I meant you had done brilliantly just getting through the day. You don’t have to do more than that at the moment. Just getting through. Loads of people are finding it hard enough to do that just from lockdown, and you have all this on top. You have done brilliantly, even if it doesn’t feel like it to you xxx

She’s a year older than our oldest DD. It kills me to know he’s in bed with her

You have nothing to be sorry for. Be strong and make sure he doesn’t worm his way back in.
You never stop being a mum whatever age your children are

@MoreLegsThanMe

She’s a year older than our oldest DD. It kills me to know he’s in bed with her

That’s just wrong that makes my skin crawl my dad isn’t here anymore but if he dated someone my age I’d disown him let alone left my mum for someone my age

And I agree with cathy. - it’s not love, whatever they call it.

He says he loves her. He has a connection with her. But they have nothing. He’s lost his entire family for her. It makes me want to throw up it really does

Oh op, you will be happy again - promise.

You are still in shock at the minute.
Look after yourself and the DC