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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

968 replies

MoreLegsThanMe · 11/01/2021 01:58

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

OP posts:
cantkeepgoing · 31/01/2021 19:39

Rem when the lights go off and you head to bed we are here! It's by far the most difficult part of this shitty situation x

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 31/01/2021 22:34

Thank you.

It’s three weeks today that he went back to her and I think they’ve mostly passed in a daze. I have times still when I honestly can’t believe this has happened. And then I think back to the “trial separation” where he went straight from our bed to hers/theirs. He would come round to see the DC and he was so plausible I believed every word he said about being alone. Why didn’t I realise? I just feel so stupid. I don’t know how, but I should’ve known.

He’s still not contacted any of the DC.

It’s all so hard and I don’t know how to do it.

He’s there with her and no responsibilities or worries or anything. I never hurt anyone ever in my life and look where it’s got me.

OP posts:
CatChant · 01/02/2021 00:45

You aren't stupid. You are a decent human being and you thought he was too.

Sadly he wasn't, but you will have the last laugh when his sordid little fling with the bunny boiler has fallen apart and he realises he has thrown away his lovely family for a mirage.

You will always be able to hold your head up high because you have done nothing to reproach yourself with.

One step at a time. You can do it. Flowers

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 01/02/2021 00:51

She has just rung me to say he’s been taken to hospital having a heart attack

OP posts:
dublingirl66 · 01/02/2021 00:56

What today?
Are you ok! Huge shock for you all

bluebell34567 · 01/02/2021 00:57
Shock
CatChant · 01/02/2021 01:07

Horrible news for you. You must be in turmoil.

Look after yourself. You've been through so much already.

FortunesFave · 01/02/2021 01:07

Oh shit Legs! Has he got a history of that sort of thing? Did she tell you anything else?

Onthedunes · 01/02/2021 01:15

Hi op

Those six months were different because he was still seeing his DC's and still seeing you. His guilt was being assuaged, it was diluted.

He now has his full on guilt to contend with when the shine wears off on this rediculous affair. I should imagine that will be happening pretty soon.
He is a fool, an embarrasing fool with an equally foolish partner.

You on the other hand have been a wonderful sincere wife and mother, people will remember that, your children will remember that.

Unfortunately your husband has ruined his own reputation, he will regret this.
Keep going, you are amazing. Star

Onthedunes · 01/02/2021 01:16

Oh god, didn't see the update. Shock

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 01/02/2021 01:20

His father had two or three heart attacks I think but it was blamed on heavy smoking etc.

H had had high blood pressure for years but it’s always been well controlled with meds (ironically the meds that gave him ED).

She was so patronising and sugary sweet it was vomit inducing.

Then I rang the hospital and they said he’d not told them of any next of kin so obviously I can’t find out anything

OP posts:
Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 01/02/2021 01:22

@dublingirl66 yes today - she rang at about 12.30am.

This whole nightmare is getting worse what the fuck am I supposed to do?

OP posts:
dublingirl66 · 01/02/2021 01:23

You poor thing

I am so sorry

Deep breaths
Get your self something to drink and try to get some sleep

How awful xxxxxx

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 01/02/2021 01:27

It doesn’t even seem real it sounds like some badly-written telly programme.

Could it be the stress of what he’s done?

OP posts:
Onthedunes · 01/02/2021 01:29

Do you want to see him?

Onthedunes · 01/02/2021 01:30

Of course it can be the stress of what he's done. x

ItGetsBetter · 01/02/2021 01:46

I wouldn't bother going to see him.

Onthedunes · 01/02/2021 01:49

Neither would I.

ItGetsBetter · 01/02/2021 01:49

She must be bricking it. The old bugger may never walk again and she'll have to look after him. lol. Stay well away.

WouldBeGood · 01/02/2021 01:51

@MoreLegsThanMe oh no.. what a mess. 💐

ItGetsBetter · 01/02/2021 01:51

Celebrate with a big gin and tonic. Stupid nasty arse

ItGetsBetter · 01/02/2021 01:55

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PurpleSneakers · 01/02/2021 02:02

Emotions play such an important role in our physical health. Metaphysically the heart represents joy. Unfortunately, that joy has been squeezed out (being replaced by other emotions such as worry) by your husband’s recent poor choices, which is evident by this heart attack. What you can do? Put yourself and your children first. Try to sleep and look after your own health. Obviously this is an absolute shock for you but need to detach yourself from this recent situation somewhat as he has made a choice, albeit a poor one.

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 01/02/2021 03:16

He has had a heart attack and has been to the cath lab and had three stents put in.

OP posts:
Kintsugi16 · 01/02/2021 03:28

How are you feeling MoreLegsThanMe?

It must all seem a bit surreal x