Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

[MoreLegsThanMe]

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

Hope you are asleep and getting some rest OP.

Firstly, get sleeping pills and something for the day too from the Dr, you have been through a huge shock and will be IN shock. This is no small thing you have been through, like bereavement but worse somehow, as he is off being a heartless twat while you suffer. Look after yourself.

Time is a great healer, you will find yourself again. When you do, I worry that you say you have no friends?? Well, this is where women really excell; just look at this thread....strangers all of us, but happy to be here for you. When COVID is over, and you feel better, become the QUEEN of new hobbies, friends and social activity.

Xxxxx

Well done on contacting your gp. I hope they can give you something to help you put one foot in front of the other for a while. X

Hopefully today you will get a response from your gp and you’ll be able to get some sleep.

You won’t see it yet but your posts last night were more numb than complete despair. You’ve coped through two days, get some sleep and you willl feel better.

Morning , I keep thinking about you. One thought I had also is OW is playing the game with him now keeping her kids away but once he is tied in to her that will stop and he will be living in a shit flat with her and her kids at least some of the time and his own lovely kids will have lost respect for him, yes he might see them (we used to go out for meals with my dad but it was stilted. I love my dad and we get on fine but it is a different relationship since he did this 30 years ago)
Don't imagine it's all hearts and flowers, I imagine he will realise how comfortable and loving a home he has given up, but given it up he has.
Head high today, you have raised 5 wonderful humans you keep your promises , you are a goddess xxx

*Relationships break up all the time.

We can be amicable*

He's absolutely right in what he said there. However only if both parties have treated each other with kindness and respect!

He wasn't being 'amicable' when he was off fucking his 20 yr old and not taking time to sit and have a conversation with his kids!

I woke up again.

For a second it was okay then it hit me again.

Over and over.

I have to spend another day like this.

How many more days. How long can I keep doing this? It’s impossible

@MoreLegsThanMe

I should’ve said earlier, my background is family law and I’d have no practical problems issuing a divorce petition. Sorry fur not mentioning this earlier.

@Onthedunes - no he’s never normally been easily manipulated. He’d have done anything for his family but other than that it’s only ever been helping people out with this and that. Certainly he’d not have been taken advantage of.

Maybe the age gap has something to do with it. Him sixty in two months and her thirty-seven. That a woman of that age would show an interest would surely have massaged his ego massively and it went from there...

Are you saying that you have filed already?

I’m not being dramatic or attention seeking but I really can’t do this. I just can’t keep waking up with this to look forward to. I don’t know what to do to keep going I just don’t have it

No, sorry. I haven’t issued. I just can’t face it so soon. I can’t face anything. I can barely face getting dressed.

I don’t want to give anything more the pair of them want. They have everything anyway.

You need to get an urgent appointment with your GP who can give you something to help you focus your mind . However after saying that I know what this is like in these early days . I don't think I made it off sofa or out of bed for 3 weeks . My GP wouldn't help .

Can you contact your GP for counselling or anti depressants? Just something to get you through the next few months?

Re your H, can you really imagine that the other woman at age 46 will want to be in a relationship with a 70 year old? Their relationship is on a ticking time bomb it's only a matter of time before it implodes.

I did contact the GP last night. I’m waiting to hear - it has to be done via email/phone. I’m hoping they’ll give me something to take this away

I couldn’t imagine that for me, no, but you see this is true love so it will be fine.

Hi OP. I don't want to trivialise your situation, but many, many women have been in your situation. My own Mum has when my brother and myself were young and my Dad left her for her best friend. I have myself when my DP ended a long term relationship with no warning. I know the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night and thinking it was all a dream and that crashing reality hitting. I know the pain you probably feel in your stomach and chest. Trauma HURTS.

The thing is, my Mum got through it... I got through it. Thousands of women get through it.

It really is a grieving process and when acceptance hits, you'll start to feel better. When I went through it, I saw my GP and was signed off work for a few weeks. I spent that time doing little things that made me smile and took my mind off things (eating whatever you like, exercising, watch your favourite boxset, buy yourself some nice beauty products)

No one said it was easy, but wallowing about how you "can't do it" isn't going to get him back. You CAN do it and you must do it for your children.

I have to get through today don’t I.

Yes @AramintaLee. I do appreciate what you say. Wallowing is pathetic isn’t it.

Hi op

I just found your thread and wanted to add another handhold

I've only skimmed your posts (apologies everyone else) and I know it's only been a few days but how are you feeling? Did you get to speak to your GP?

I know you're in free fall right now. And I don't want to trivialise your feelings. But it WILL get better.

You have your wonderful children. And you always have us here. You are not alone.

Don't focus on the years/months to come. Take each day. And try to find something for you, just you, each day. Sitting down and savouring a cup of tea, five minutes of yoga, a hot bath. Whatever you can/want to do.

All the feelings you have right now I can guarantee there are women here who have been there. You're not a million miles away from me last year.

But I know it's hard to see things from my point of view when you're right in the middle of it. Speak to your gp. I think some help sleeping will work wonders. They might have local groups/counselling/contacts etc for real life support

Take care of yourself. You will get through this

I do know how self-indulgent this all sounds I really do so I’ll stop now.

@MoreLegsThanMe

I do know how self-indulgent this all sounds I really do so I’ll stop now.

It doesn't at all. It sounds like you are hurting and you are allowed to wallow. Just don't sink. Xx

Not pathetic, but it is draining.
As a previous poster said - try to allow yourself a fixed 'wallow period' every day. The rest of the time, put your energy into pushing those thoughts away. It won't be easy but it's worth it.

Focus not on the shared past which it feels like he has rejected, and the 'new love' which is fantasy, but the new 'you and the children' which is your new world.

It sounds like your identity was totally bound up in being exHs wife and mother to your children (although your background is law - are you still working?). I'm sad for you that you don't have anyone to call a friend.

But in fact you are a separate and worthwhile person, even if you have to dig deep and rediscover her!

Again - take control of your thoughts, steer them away from negative despairing circles, apart from your fixed daily wallow period.

but you see this is true love so it will be fine.

Nah, it's infatuation at best....and once that wears off, he's left with a new relationship, with an utter loon, and no family left who'll speak to him.
Yes, you've been thrown off a cliff here; but once you stop rolling over the jagged rocks, you'll slow down, stand up, and admire the beautiful meadow of your new life.

Aramintalee has it correct. Focus on something positive for an increasingly larger set period each day. Do something for you!

@MoreLegsThanMe

Yes *@AramintaLee*. I do appreciate what you say. Wallowing is pathetic isn’t it.

Pathetic isn't the right word and not what I meant. It's just not going to help you or the situation. You need to hold your head up high and be strong for your children. Get angry ffs!

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am always dealing with heartbreak and it is excruciating. I have sent you a personal message if you need to chat.

You say you had a trial separation from June. What were the reasons for this and how did you feel about it? Was your husband in touch during this period? Xx