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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Can someone just hold my hand? Just for a bit

968 replies

MoreLegsThanMe · 11/01/2021 01:58

My husband of 36 years has left. I don’t know how to get through tonight. Can someone just hold my hand, please?

OP posts:
ThatIsNotMyUsername · 12/01/2021 09:31

I used to be a therapist - one thing I would advise is to ‘prescribe’ a single period a day of complete and utter worry/wallow - 15 mins to work it out of the system (people get fed up quickly and try to avoid it after a short time). Also try to get outside - it sounds daft but stand outside, arms by your side, slightly out and point your face at the sun/sky - close your eyes and feel the air on your face (this is actually quite refreshing and nice - quite relaxing too).

A hair band (less obvious than an elastic band) on the wrist to ‘snap’ can also work as a short sharp pain immediately distracts you from a psychological ‘pain’. Yes, therapists are told they can slap someone having a panic attack (never done it myself).

EarthSight · 12/01/2021 09:32

@billybagpuss

Hi op, I mean this kindly, you need to go and see/call your gp. Your posts are becoming more concerning as time goes on. It’s nothing to be surprised about, you are suffering a massive betrayal and trauma. You need to talk to them just to help you through the next few weeks. It will get better, there are plenty of ladies on here who will testify how much better their life is now, you will be the same, once lockdown is over you can start to rediscover who the real *@MoreLegsThanMe* is as I bet there are plenty of things that you used to do and love that have been dropped by the wayside in between becoming the mum and wife you did, but there is more to you than that.
Good idea.
WouldBeGood · 12/01/2021 09:37

Yes, contact your GP today.

I also used to write all these feelings down in a book to get them out of my head a bit.

ThatIsNotMyUsername · 12/01/2021 09:38

That’s helps too - but it can’t become an obsession. It’s good if you are having a panic attack to try to write it down.

MoreLegsThanMe · 12/01/2021 09:40

I know I have to get through today I know it.

I will come back later.

Thank you all SO much

OP posts:
ThatIsNotMyUsername · 12/01/2021 09:40

Plan what needs to be done - keep busy and productive.

Onthedunes · 12/01/2021 09:45

Just try to get through the day sweetie, soon enough that anger of yours is gonna kick in and then you can deal with whatever needs to be done.

At the moment rest, save your energy and when that anger rises we will be here to support.

Do whatever you want to do, don't feel you have to read the posts, we won't go away. Go rest.
x

BunnyBoilerRhian · 12/01/2021 09:49

Hi MoreLegsThanMe,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your story is startlingly similar to mine.
9 weeks ago my husband of 24 years left me for a 34 year old woman (he's 55) he'd seemingly been having an affair with for the last 3 and a half years.
We have young adult children who live away at Uni. The day he went left me sat in a house for 4 weeks totally alone due to local Covid restrictions. I don't know many people here so I have absolutely no one local.
Like you, she contacted me and our children through FB. Turns out she had stalked me for at least 2 years. My social media is tightly locked down but she would join groups I did, reply to questions in community groups, she even joined the same as slimming world group in real life (pre covid). She used anprofile.picture of her and my husband (before I was aware) posted about being pregnant and having a miscarriage in community groups. It was my daughter that found it first. She has played stupid games online. Calls my husband her boyfriend in public etc.
He has defended her to the core. Apparently I need to feel sorry for her as she's had a tough life.

He has offered me no explanation or apology but 9 weeks on, I'm realising he's not coming back. Although part of me even still now wants him back, im realising ive no respect for him and in reality it wouldn't ever eork between us again in the future after all this.

So I'm 9 weeks on. Our kids have hardly been in contact with him. They hsvevlist all respect. They saw him for 15 minutes on Xmas day. I try not to get too involved but they came back here after their brief walk with him and moaned about him. I don't think they'll ever be as close again. Our youngest was a real Daddy's girl and thus has hit her so hard. I.lost my job so I'm 48 and literally have lost my life to feel. I'm having to start from scratch. I need a job, i'll have to move at some point and have lost my husband.
Hang in there. Do nothing but survive just now. Try to eat even a bowl.a cereal. Sleep when you can. My sleep pattern is still a bit wierd. Best advice i have had is there is no rush to decide or do anything. Now his secretvis outnof the bag, he is no longer 100% in control of what happens next. You don't have to do anything for now. You don't need to choose or decide yoir next move yet. That will come.
I'm still all over the place. The anxiety and panic is still there but not so frequently. I have moments now whwre i broefly forget whats happened. This past week is the first week I've been able to sit and watch a tv program before now the adrenalin meant I couldn't sit still.
When you feel ready just start photographing any paperwork, financial stuff etc so you have a copy even if he comes back to remove it. Apart from that, just do what feels right for you.

Onthedunes · 12/01/2021 09:51

Get your one of your children to contact the Gp, can they get one to visit or video call.

If you can take medication it may help you over the coming days.

Mammma91 · 12/01/2021 09:54

OP, I’m so sorry. He sounds like he’s treated you terribly. He never should have come back. I hope you and your children manage to get through this. Don’t forgive if he ever tries to come back. Flowers

Chickychickydodah · 12/01/2021 10:13

I’m so sorry for you, please focus on your family and your future. Don’t let this dickhead back into your lives again. 💐

glassacorn · 12/01/2021 10:17

OP, this is awful. He's made a choice and he hasn't chosen her, he's chosen himself. He is a selfish man and definitely does not deserve you. 💩🤯

Time to choose yourself. Time to stop accepting half-hearted relationships. You deserve so much more.

Your children are old enough to give you some emotional support - some day they'll experience heartbreak and it's good to see that grown-ups aren't unemotional and in perfect control all the time as none of us really are! We do a disservice to our children if we pretend we handle everything - especially something so drastic - without needing help. Get support from GP (you can also self-refer for talking therapy/counselling on NHS website) if you can - it's all about YOU now. 💕✨💁🏻‍♀️

I hope today is a bright new day for you. Sending resilience and anger (the energetic FU kind!) to help you start this new chapter without the useless 200lbs male dragging you down. 💪🏼✨🌱

classiestgal · 12/01/2021 10:50

Honestly, reading threads like this makes me wonder why any woman bothers getting married. What’s the point when this happens? They all F off late 40s, early 50s. It’s all about sex. That’s what it boils down to. They just want constant orgasm. If they aren’t getting blow jobs at home then they bugger off. So over men. I think all teenage girls should be taught to keep their options open. Never give up your life for a bloke. Never move. Keep your own friends and a couple of bloke friendships on the back burner. Keep your circle wide and paddle your own canoe.

classiestgal · 12/01/2021 10:59

OP. Have you got Facebook? Search for “mending hearts retreat” there’s a retreat in March. For people who have had their hearts broken. Treat yourself. You now no longer have to consider him. Book yourself up some cool things. Go away for weekends. Go meet new people. The best revenge is to build a happier life without him. You’ve got all of us too so you’re ahead of the game

Caroline007 · 12/01/2021 11:13

I started to run each morning with happy music and i think it was my saviour. Sending you virtual hugs x

giantangryrooster · 12/01/2021 11:25

Ah OP, I feel so angry on your behalf. Please don't take him back. It's not about the OW (even though she sounds a specimen). It's him activily seeking for relationships outside your marriage. He did this eyes open, no regard to anything but his own pleasure.

You took him back once, don't do it again. Nothing good comes out of it, other than you and your dc get another emotional roller coaster ride. And he probably will be back when OW proves to be hard work, or starts expecting things from him or he suddenly needs stability until his next stray.

Do yourself and your dc a favour and call it quits. As hard as it is, it gives you all the opportunity to move forward.

Could you contact your GP and ask for some sleeping tablets? Sleep and food will give you a little more stamina to move forward Thanks.

janaus50s · 12/01/2021 11:50

Give yourself time. When you feel ready I think Counselling will help. I was told to write my feelings down. I look back on it occasionally.
Take one day at a time.

DocMarteens · 12/01/2021 12:11

Handhold here OP ❤️

You are doing great - minute by minute just survive these days.

It's not your fault either he has lost his mind or he's shown you he's a selfish shit.

Start getting angry for the kids. They deserve better than this. Their dad can't just disappear and they have no way of contacting him. Email him and ask for his proposed childcare schedule in his new accommodation. Don't let him see them in your house - he left it and it's not his family home now.

MoreLegsThanMe · 12/01/2021 18:52

Minute by minute.

Went out in the car today and the temptation to just turn the wheel a little bit too far....

What’s he reduced me to?

OP posts:
MoreLegsThanMe · 12/01/2021 18:53

I’ll come back later. If i stay now I’ll end up losing it and all the DC are up and about

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 12/01/2021 19:07

Please contact your gp @MoreLegsThanMe you need to talk to someone in real life.

HappySonHappyMum · 12/01/2021 19:55

WHAT. A. WANKER. Didn't used to believe any man could behave that way until my Dad walked out on my Mum after 30 years of marriage with her best friend. This was about 15 years ago. My Mum right now has a lovely life, she dotes on her grandchildren, volunteers for her local hospital and has a very active social life. She has amazed me despite my Dad leaving nearly destroying her - I am very proud of her. My Dad haven't seen him for about 12 years, he has no contact with his grandchildren as the 'best friend' has turned him against us all - although if you listen to him you'd be led to believe the lack of contact is all our fault. They got married and didn't bother to tell us - I found out through a distant relative. The latest joy was a letter from the 'best friend' letting us know that he had written us out of his will and left everything to her. She helpfully sent the addendum he'd added to his will explaining that it was all our fault. It may be of no help now but I've no doubt you will be my Mum in 15 years time and the pain you're going through now will fade with time. You are worth so much more and even if he came crawling back now you'd never be able to trust him again and that is no life.

forumdonkey · 12/01/2021 20:16

Firstly I want to tell you that I think that you have conducted yourself with strength and dignity. I applaud you for that and take my hat off to you. If you can conduct yourself as you have in one of the worst possible times of your life, you on the first step of being the strong independent woman you didn't know you were.

It's going to take time, maybe a long time to feel 'normal', so accept it and take care of yourself. Your DCs are old enough and probably all have a phone so let them communicate or not with their father. My dcs were younger than yours and it hurt like hell to see them put in on a pedestal, even when he had let them down again but they are both in their twenties now and they can see for themselves what a wanker he is.

As for the OW - wow she sounds like one crazy lady. Wtf, who does what she did outside your house and with your DCs!! He's stuck with her crazy now! Throughout your posts you have come across as a genuine, kind and thoughtful lady who clearly loves her dcs and before this, her husband. Now he's got an unhinged drama queen, who clearly cares little about anyone but herself. They were both on an affair site and clearly went ahead with the encounter and they both know what each other is capable of. Every time one of their phone pings, or they are on the phone, the other will wonder if they are cheating or back on that site. Don't think of them all romantic, think of the reality of their situation which is based on lies, secrets and decept.

I hope that they stay together for a while yet because I would love for you to get your sass and strength to tell him to fuck off if he comes back. I want you to know your worth and know that you are better and stronger than both of them.

Take care and just do one day at a time. Keep telling yourself that you are a strong, independent, kick ass woman and you will look back at this in the future and pity him and thank him.

LouMumsnet · 12/01/2021 20:21

Hello, @MoreLegsThanMe we're really sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time right now Flowers

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

Take care and please do look after yourself - with best wishes from all at MNHQ. Flowers

Stillfunny · 12/01/2021 20:36

I understand your dark feelings It is a very scary time for you. I phoned the Samaritans when I felt at my lowest and they did help . I too , urge you to see your GP for some valuable help.

You are coping, day by day , doing what needs to be done. You still have youngish DCs that need you. You are. an important, loved and cherished by your family.

Dont let some dick led bloke - for that is all he is , just another midlife crisis loser , diminish you and your much desired place in this world.
Flowers

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