Totally agree op, and if anything it's getting worse again.
I can count on two hands out of hundreds of men (Relatives, friends, friends relatives and partners/spouses, ex colleagues, hcps, other professional men I have to deal with) I know the genuinely decent, respectful ones.
I also know women who've behaved appallingly but far fewer and it's not remotely on the same scale as men's behaviour.
I've been to all intents and purposes single almost 20 years, I've dated, had "arrangements" but since my divorce I've not lived with another man, it would take someone genuinely decent for me to consider that
I'm the child of an abusive marriage, my ex was not abusive he was unfaithful but behaved disgustingly in the aftermath of the marriage including going out of his way to ensure my dd and I were in dire financial straits and on the verge of homelessness in those first weeks and months. In the years since he's been a total dick over contact and cm.
The "good guys" I know 3 of them are or were single parents and I think that had a major effect on them being good guys, the others are honestly just genuinely good people.
Not one of the good men I know is under 40! I despair for my dd and her generation (she's almost 20) she has dumped guys for pushing for certain types of sex, for being plain bloody rude to her especially in front of others, for treating her friends or I rudely or poorly, for poor personal hygiene (this also seems rampant among 20 something men!), for laziness/being workshy... some of her peers have told her she's "too picky" I say she has perfectly good standards and is sticking to them. She's met one chap who was half decent but other circumstances led to their breaking up.
The rest span the scale from "just" generally entitled, useless and lazy to outright abusive.
Why do women stay in bad relationships?
Oh come on! This is hardly rocket science - lack of financial support, lack of practical support, fear of the unknown, fear of antagonising the man and that potentially being taken out on any dc (which DOES happen with alarming frequency and harm), the women not knowing any better due to their own life experience (there are a lot of women who mistakenly think a man is "good" because he is less abusive than another man they are comparing him too), women lacking confidence to go it alone...
It is a patriarchal, mysogjnistic world we live in.
They're not responsible for the bad guys' actions and don't have power over them
Actually to a degree they do, especially if they have certain occupations or roles in society.
Look at the appallingly low rape stats for example. Police and law are professions that are still mainly populated by men yet they are doing nothing about this - worse they are in many cases ACTIVELY making matters worse
Greater Manchester police force is effectively in "special measures" for the crap they've been pulling,
Likewise politics - most MPs are men and instead of acting to improve things for women are often doing the opposite
Medicine - again mostly Male drs - learn about "medical misogyny" and it's fatal effects on women and children
"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing"
I WISH they were "doing nothing" that'd be an improvement.
I've been present when men have behaved badly and spoken badly, when it has ALSO been in the presence of the good men I know those men have addressed the assholes - that is what good men do!
Women cannot do it ALONE we need the ACTIVE support of good men - just as suffragettes did and many other stages of the women's rights challenges
Change happens when ALL sectors of society demand it and work towards it.
Unfortunately at the moment with right wing politics and ideology in power across many parts of the world it's incredibly hard to achieve or even communicate about.
Women are being silenced, dismissed and ridiculed.
On sm, on msm, by high ranking politicians, by industry leaders...
I agree the completely unrestricted vileness of online porn is also a major factor.
Also "strategic incompetence" I've just posted on another thread where quite a few posters were unashamedly admitting their Male partners/spouses were incapable of sensibly doing a supermarket shop, there are numerous threads and posts and I see similar in real life regarding "the men" can't possibly be expected to wash dishes or change nappies etc it's ridiculous!
@SalemsPot22 are you oblivious to all the news stories showing how men behave towards women too? I'm afraid I think it's more likely you're oblivious rather than actually not knowing men who behave badly
@crestar nonsense! It's not certain women attracting bad men the bad men are in the majority. This is clear from wider societal studies and stats
I've tried OLD had a very tame profile on the various sites and apps, not a "provocative" pic - still inundated with dick pics and "fancy a shag" type messages way above the more polite and sensible ones. But even the ones who made a pretence at respect, within 2 dates they're pissed off if you're not in bed with them! From speaking to many other women on the matter here and in real life my experience was far from uncommon!
Case in point is BIL, who I thought was decent, brought a woman on holiday with us, who turns out to be the 'girlfriend' of him and SIL! The 3 of them were having 3 somes all week!
That's not cheating though, that's polyamory which is a perfectly valid choice that works for some people
Making men wait for sex doesn't make them into better men it just makes them behave better for a bit longer...
In my experience it's an excellent way of weeding out the sex obsessed selfish ones!
My experience is that, those good men are still misogynistic. They just aren’t aware about it
Agree with this. The good men I described earlier are very aware of the way our society benefits and promotes men and men's needs. There are other men in my circle who THINK they are good men but don't acknowledge this.
The last 3 are crimes. I thought the topic was about relationship issues...
The majority of these crimes are perpetrated by men on girls/women they have some kind of relationship to. So it's absolutely relevant. It speaks to how men view and treat the women they are related to or in romantic relationships with.
How often when a girl goes missing or is found raped/murdered are we generally unsurprised when it emerges that the perpetrator was their father, brother, cousin, boyfriend, step father etc?
A very small number of men rape and murder because they are deeply unsocialised violent criminals
Regarding rape I wholeheartedly disagree.
There are many studies that back this up too.
Lots of men (and rather too many women) don't recognise rape.
There was one particular study where Male respondents were asked if they had acted in a certain way in a scenario they were presented with as a narrative. The narrative described a rape but didn't name it. The majority of the respondents clearly said they had done similar and didn't recognise they had done anything wrong.
At one point there was a thread/group on reddit since deleted, where it was men posting the realisation that they had raped at least one person, often several, many years after the incident/s.
It's not that rape is rare, it's that it's rarely recognised.
There's at least one thread a week on here posted by an op describing a scenario, unable to name it and asking why they are feeling negatively about it where pps rightly and generally supportively point out that the op was raped/sexually abused. Often they don't want to admit it to themselves let alone anyone else.
Far too many don't truly understand consent or perform mental gymnastics to excuse their own behaviour.
The vast vast majority of rapes and serious sexual abuse are perpetrated by a close relative or romantic partner of the victim.
I know of quite a number in my circle, I've sadly witnessed rape in my own home and am a survivor of csa myself.
From my relationships with other women I cannot think of even a single one that has never been sexually assaulted in some way.
If I'm wrong on this, show me.
The problem is the majority go unreported for a wide variety of reasons that I'm sure you don't need me to list. But certainly a main one is that the authorities do fuck all in most cases and victims are demonised!
I looked into reporting and was clearly told it would be pointless by police. I am far from the only person I know with this experience. Even one especially violent rape the victim was advised not to bother as the perpetrator was her ex boyfriend - and a police officer!
Most men may use porn or cam sites and many women may complain about this, but conflating them with actual crimes is disingenuous.
You seem oblivious to the FACT that a lot of content on the most popular porn sites ARE videos of actual rapes occurring. There have been a number of media reports and responses to this
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/dec/10/pornhub-mastercard-visa-rape-child-abuse-images
Just one article on the matter and it does include the rape of minors too.
Society - via the inaction towards such criminals - is teaching boys and men it's allowed, it's acceptable. Look at all the men in recent years literally getting away with murder on "rough sex" defences.
A large proportion of those men who commit violence towards women have been, at some point, humiliated/abused/mistreated themselves. this claim has largely been disproven. Many CLAIM to have been victims themselves merely to get more lenient treatment
Feeling like I've already written prob too much but as the mother of a dd this angers and distresses me that she is having to deal with all this shit!