What happened to men?

[AnotherStupidQuestion]

There have been a few threads along this line recently. I don't have anything new to add really; I'm just surprised that there are so many crap men about.

I've been single for a decade. In that time, I dated a bit and had a few flings but nothing that constituted a relationship.

Even men who seem decent on the surface are hiding some deeply unattractive qualities just beneath the surface.

It's got to the point where, even on the Tell me about your lovely man threads on here, my cynical voice is asking, "But what do you not know about?"; "What's he keeping from you?; "What are you tolerating that I wouldn't?"

I know the answer is patriarchy and misogyny but I wonder how we, as a species, have become so dysfunctional that so many relationships are poor; so many women are prepared to put up with so much shit and so many men are just appalling? Yet so many seem to also want a relationship.

I don't hate men. I have a son and some very close male friends I have good relationships with. But i have given up completely on ever having a mutually respectful, loving relationship now.

Mens as friends, family, colleagues are great. Men in a relationship? Just no.

I just wondered how other people feel.

@TonMoulin

I dont know if we can safely say ‘most men don’t Rape’ when you see the number of women who have been raped.

I’m sure there was also some studies showing how men are minimizing what they do, because that would be acknowledging that they raped a woman (eg I only pushed a bit to convince her to have sex afterall ). Or how men are likely to rape if they are sure they won’t get caught.

Yes true and I was just reading , this

‘Athough it’s hard to get a solid prevalence rate on the percentage of men who perpetrate sexual violence, one estimate indicates that almost a quarter of men admit to engaging in some form of sexual coercion by the end of their fourth year of college.’

Add to that the rapes domestic violence , the abuse men are actually doing through porn and supporting the abuse of others on porn you have a very very large percentage of men
Then let’s add in harassment

I understand myself perfectly though wherearthough and I don't need to nurture myself either. What I do need to do tell and what I do in fact do is tell annoying men who harass me to fuck off. Sometimes politely, sometimes not.

Perhaps if more women told men behaving badly to fuck off (instead of just ignoring them or being polite), men would'nt be able to claim to be so confused about their behaviour is appropriate or not.

I don't think men are confused that their behaviour is unacceptable. You never see men harassing each other, getting in each other's faces, because then that would be starting a fight.
They know they are harassing women

@GreenlandTheMovie

I understand myself perfectly though wherearthough and I don't need to nurture myself either. What I do need to do tell and what I do in fact do is tell annoying men who harass me to fuck off. Sometimes politely, sometimes not.

Perhaps if more women told men behaving badly to fuck off (instead of just ignoring them or being polite), men would'nt be able to claim to be so confused about their behaviour is appropriate or not.

I also tell men to fuck off if harrassed but the nature of men like this is they turn hasty , some even stalk some go further It’s not women’s responsibility to teach men how to behave appropriately . They can claim all they like , they know right from wrong and will continue using their privilege until they personally make the decision to change

@GreenlandTheMovie i so hear you but here is where, for me the fear kicks in.
I witnessed a schoolgirl get punched in the face in broad daylight and knocked unconscious for telling a guy just that and I have to confess when avoiding mens approaches or ending a relationship I tread so carefully for fear as to what they might do.

This is a bullshit way to have to act but safety first and I'm sure I'm not alone sadly.

@TonMoulin

Yep @FifteenToes, as a man you have a very poor view of men 😂😂😂

And having read the most recent entries to this thread, do you still think I'm wrong?

Yep agree with the fear that makes you go small to avoid physical hurt.

What I am annoyed with even more are men who portray themselves as good men etc that are horrified at the idea that they are partly responsible of the situation if they never hold their counterparts accountable and tell those men they are behaving in unacceptable ways.

@TonMoulin

What I am annoyed with even more are men who portray themselves as good men etc that are horrified at the idea that they are partly responsible of the situation if they never hold their counterparts accountable and tell those men they are behaving in unacceptable ways.

Yes

"Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing" - John Stuart Mill

Maybe see your previous comment
You know men beat the shit out of other men on a regular basis

So @Samedaysameshit on the basis that men dish out poor behaviour to both sexes (in varying degrees and intensity) the answer to the OP's question re "what's happened to men?" is that nothing particularly special has happened..they're just being themselves?

Does it also means it’s ok for them to beat the shit out of someone, anyone?
@Samedaysameshit

Because they’re just being men..

Such a low expectation

I’m just saying you say I stay small to avoid physical confrontation then in the next comment say that the good men are partly responsible by not confronting these men.
The odd psycho will hit a school girl but as a man you are 5000% more likely to get a beating.

Nope I disagree.

Totally different to be squared up by someone talked, heavier and stronger than you.
Which is why men don’t hesitate to harass women but think twice to do it to a man.

Plus, if I’m mistaken, fights between men are often linked to alcohol. Not because you haven’t looked at them or ignored them.

Sadly @Samedaysameshit the boy who attacked the schoolgirl wasn't a phycho ( he wasn't much older than her but his ego had been bruised in front of his friends).

When you use terms like psycho it suggests random, outliers when in actuality women approximate their behaviour to reduce the number of such incidents or else they would be more widespread, having said that punishments such as acid attacks or worse still occur.
I guess my approach of men as friends or for jobs around the home fine - relationships..no thanks is my happily adopted solution to the dire state of affairs

The difference in strength between men can be as large as the gap between some men and your average women.
When I was 20 an 18 stone bloke picked me up with one arm.

Porn and a lack of good father figures? Society not giving a clear guide to what a good man is. Society not recognising that gentle is strong...

There are some truly wonderful men out there. I was single 8 years after my divorce. Has only 3 dates in the last year and was about to give up. Had one last shot and connected with the most most perfect man for me. And it seems I am perfect for him also. What I would say though is you have to be honest with yourself and what you offer, along with what you think your needs are. Not to be confused with superficial 'wants'. My list was very simply and based on looks, status or material wealth but deeper. I wouldn't even say I found him overly attractive initially as I had to see if we would connect before that could happen. Had I gone by looks alone I would have missed out on getting to know the most incredible, kind, genuine, honest open man I've ever met. Trust your, gut and trust red flags.... That goes for all genders in all relationships as they are as bad as each other.
P.s and I'm over 50. This was the last thing I expected to happen. Rather be on my own than in a poor relationship where I don't feel loved and a priority.

Think you will find that we don't need women anymore, sex is great but we would rather have one night stands and less complicated fun than put up with the relationship nonsense. A lot of us have had our kids and have good relationships with them and paid dearly. Personally I am better off in a non committed relationship than bother with all the nonsense and constraints women tend to put on your life. You wanted equality quite rightly and now you have it enjoy.

Hard for a lot of women to feel loved and a priority when a lot of men put the desires to jerk off to other women over their partners feelings .

Think you will find that we don't need women anymore, sex is great but we would rather have one night stands and less complicated fun than put up with the relationship nonsense

If you don't need women anymore, who are you having sex with?

@Reglardez

Think you will find that we don't need women anymore, sex is great but we would rather have one night stands and less complicated fun than put up with the relationship nonsense. A lot of us have had our kids and have good relationships with them and paid dearly. Personally I am better off in a non committed relationship than bother with all the nonsense and constraints women tend to put on your life. You wanted equality quite rightly and now you have it enjoy.

Not wanting relationship with women is fine , I agree wonen absolutely don’t ‘need ‘ men either . However there is a big difference between not needing women and actively participating in their denigration and supporting them pirn industry that distributors child abuse and rape of women and also non consensual images , an industry most men are supporting through their use of porn It’s also different not wanting relationships to putting women down , and not standing up to stop your gender commuting the majority of rapes murdered and domestic violence So fine join the Mgtow see how much happiness it brings you but look in the mirror

@wherearthough

I think (at the risk of this thread becoming a misandryfest) there is so much dissatisfaction with our male interactions.

Most of my role models are women not because I haven't looked for male ones but even within my family out of say 40 male relatives, only 1 has been faithful to their partner!
Just imagine what women could create if we stopped craving relationship scraps and invested all of seeking, worrying and maintaining energy into nurturing and understanding ourselves??

Imagine what could happen if we abandoned the oft futile pursuit of the eligible bachelor, and looked closer to home...? All the single women I know in their 40’s and 50’s are smarter, better looking, fabulous. I know who I’d rather date. A 45 year old bloke with a vastly overinflated sense of self worth who might just be waiting to ditch you for a 30 year old - or a fabulous woman who’s just getting going.

I was not talking about the porn industry , I was talking about sex between consenting adults who understand there is no ever after or need to settling down. The notion of romantic love seems to be just servitude for us males. How would you stop the porn industry, are the women in it victims or is it the men? Is it only a problem when it interferes with the notion of romantic committed relationships? Wars and murder will go on whenever there is power. Women are just as capable of committing all the horrors of the World as men.

We would rather have one night stands and less complicated fun
Quite understandable but from my experience of 'one night stands and uncomplicated fun' very few men actually get lucky, women who want casual sex can (by and large) have their pick of men but men, unless they're young with a good physique and good looks, don't get lucky all that often