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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

BRAVE BABES - the bus keeps trundling on...

262 replies

venusandmars · 10/01/2021 10:48

We filled up the last thread, but never fear, we're always here!

Whatever your issue with drinking, whether you just want some encouragement with dry January or whether you've reached your rock bottom and need to quit. Everyone is welcome. You'll find support, encouragement, help. You'll find lots of understanding folks, who won't minimise your problem but who will never judge you. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from almost 11 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

OP posts:
IWanderedLonely · 06/05/2021 07:45

Found you! Been off the thread for a few months & had a name change.
Have bought & been reading lots of sober books. Currently reading the Sober Survival Guide by Simon Chapple. It is really good ( only just started it though). Am having longer stretches AF, but drank at the weekend as we were away, not too much though.

Original poster
venusandmars · 06/05/2021 08:10

gotoutalive talk away... There's always someone to listen Smile

Well, I got through my dp's milestone birthday and retirement without a drink. Now on holiday and not drinking, although it's so blooming cold that a cup of tea is a more attractive prospect than a gin with ice or a glass of white wine!

Of course now dp is around more, which is lovely and good, but still the 'old way of thinking' resents his presence and the lack of freedom just to drink, even though that is not what I want to do. Weird!

I was glad to see this thread pop up again after a couple of dormant months. Thanks to all who have posted.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 11/05/2021 20:08

Looks like this dusty old bus has been parked up in a layby for a long time now. I'm very fond of her. Is she called Geraldine, or is that the horse that runs behind? I can't remember now. But the Brave Babes are not forgotten. Thank you Venus for keeping the engine ticking over.

Craftycorvid · 11/05/2021 22:49

Evening all! I hope the dear old bus keeps trundling on. How’s everyone? 🌺

IWanderedLonely · 12/05/2021 20:29

Hi Crafty
I'm good. Moderating well for a good few weeks now & reading sober books when I get chance.
How are you?
(Just remembered I've namechanged - was rain)

marlu · 16/05/2021 04:41

So glad you are still here. So much is changing in the world right now, it's good to know there is always someone here to talk to. Hugs to all xx

Craftycorvid · 16/05/2021 08:54

Hi everyone! Yes, it’s been quite a time. I’m still clearing out my late mum’s property as bloody pandemic put paid to any trips down south and there was nowhere to donate her belongings. We’re spending some time in June focussing on getting as much sorted as possible, but it’s going to be a push.

JG1985 · 17/05/2021 22:02

Hi. I’ve come back to this page so many times over the last few months but not posted, just trying to find people who feel, or have felt the same as me. I’m a mum of 2 small kids and I’ve been drinking 2 bottles of wine a night, every day for the last 6 weeks. I’m so ashamed but I’ve been drinking heavily for years, but it was only at weekends and I was ok during the week. Now it’s every day and my life is an absolute mess. I tried a ‘night off’ last week and woke up panicking and sweaty in the night, I thought I was going to have a fit. I’m so scared that if I try to get help, social services will get involved. I’m off work sick with anxiety and depression which is absolutely made worse by my drinking. I don’t know what to do

MintToBee · 17/05/2021 22:06

Hello!
Found you all again.
I've had some time away from MN trying to keep sane during Lockdown No. 2864176 !

marlu · 18/05/2021 05:52

Well done for reaching out JG1985 and you are by no means alone. Try to take things day by day, be kind to yourself, and check back here regularly as there are many wise souls on this thread who will be glad to offer some suggestions. I have found that reading back through older posts and threads, if you have time, can be really helpful too.

JG1985 · 18/05/2021 21:44

I’ve been reading over old threads for hours, thanks for the suggestion. I feel very alone, sorry I sound really self indulgent but I’m at my wits end with myself. I don’t recognise myself any more.

IWanderedLonely · 25/05/2021 17:25

Hi Babes,
Any tips for minimal drinking whilst on holiday?

Craftycorvid · 25/05/2021 19:15

Hi JG. Please try to be kind to yourself. Alcohol is viciously addictive and a powerful means we use to self-medicate unhappiness. The past 14 months have been brutal to everyone and ‘at weekends’ can so easily segue into ‘every day’ when every day has felt like a weekend at times. I believe the first step is getting tired of repeating the cycle and, as you are doing, looking for support. 🌺

WhyMrsRobinson · 27/05/2021 03:28

Can I join in too. My drinking has crept up with dhs stress and constantly offloading. Don’t want to drink!

WhyMrsRobinson · 27/05/2021 04:32

I’m posting what I drank hoping to knock sense into me. Very large gin, 3 or maybe 4 glasses of wine. Means I’ve not slept at all . It doesn’t look that much.
Mind you drink aware says 6 glasses a week . So that’s it for a week, longer I hope. Stupidly I loved dry January, it’s just crept up again.

WhyMrsRobinson · 27/05/2021 08:47

JG1985 yes, empathy! maybe we can help each other as newbies together!

JG1985 · 29/05/2021 00:42

Try an alcopop with soda in a tall glass instead of a cocktail. Non alcoholic beer. Don’t drink until 9pm.... My alcohol use is massively affecting every part of my life and maybe these suggestions aren’t what you’re looking for if you just want some advice from people who are/were problem drinkers. Whatever you do at home to moderate your drinking, do the same on holiday maybe?

WhyMrsRobinson · 29/05/2021 02:01

Not doing sooo well yet.. posting to shame myself!
wine yesterday to ease the hangover and a large glass tonight cos Dh being a bit Charley stressful. Definitely need to read this thread at 5 ish! Thought I’d ease off, who am I kidding. Hope you all did better!

WhyMrsRobinson · 30/05/2021 20:27

One beer! I am hoping this is easing off the booze.
Hope no one minds me posting. I’m hoping the sheer embarrassment of admitting what I’m guzzling will give me a reason to stop - that the wine witch doesn’t argue against.

SophieB100 · 31/05/2021 06:22

I'm joining too - I used to post on the original threads many years ago (different name then). I've been dry for a month, but am not complacent, I've done long stretches before and caved. So am using going to use this thread to support and be supported by you lovely lot.

@WhyMrsRobinson
The first few days are crap. No other word for it, you feel lethargic, achy, low, and drink is calling you constantly.

What helped me was accepting that I'm not battling the booze any more, I'm not going to fight the witch anymore. She's won - game, set and championship. So I've walked away, conceded defeat, left the arena. That means, I've accepted that I can't drink moderately, I can't have just one, so rather than carry on drinking myself to a slow, painful death, I'll just stop all together, and get off the boozy horrible merry go round that is moderating, switching to drinks I don't like, having so many days off.

After a couple of rough weeks when I felt really sorry for myself, the relief was huge - no more bargaining, no more counting units, no more justifying it all.

Things that really help me - old tricks, but work: play the tape forward (past the first lovely drink - right through to the shakes, dry mouth, shame etc next morning) and ODAAT (one day at a time). Just don't drink. Today. Sod tomorrow. Just today don't drink.
Read The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Grey if you haven't done so - she explains it all brilliantly. I think I was her in certain chapters Grin Currently 99p on kindle.
Talk later.
Soph

WhyMrsRobinson · 10/06/2021 03:20

Thanks SophieB100 sorry I have only just seen this!
Of course I have stopped posting as am still guzzling booze. And am ashamed. It’s easier to hide from here. I hate it, but at 6 pm it just seems like such a good idea. Tonight managed to just have a bottle of beer , it’s so bloats you you can’t drink much!
Will try and remember to think forward. I’d love to not drink at all, just that at 6 I forget all that and it seems so reasonable.
So stupid.
Will do Odaat today! And VERY well done you. Inspiring!

WhyMrsRobinson · 11/06/2021 06:58

Bottle of wine, nearly.
What am I thinking? So I can fall asleep in front of the tv. Goodness knows what the kids think. Another sleepless night and of course feel under par today. There’s a lot of stuff going on at the moment but this doesn’t help me cope at all.
Am ashamed. In my head I’m lost and struggling, but I suspect I’m just a fat housewife with no mojo. Am just not getting anywhere and I’m sure booze helps with that.

dementedma · 11/06/2021 17:35

Hey Babes. Been a while. Glad the bus is still trundling along and nice to see a few familiar faces.

Slingsanderrors · 11/06/2021 18:22

dementedma lovely to see you. I have some green opal fruits.

JG1985 · 11/06/2021 22:05

@WhyMrsRobinson I’m going to make a big effort to keep coming back to this after my last few sporadic posts and trawling through old threads to find someone whose drinking is worse than mine, so I can tell myself I’m not that bad. I’m exactly the same as you and I’m BORED of it. I have a week of drinking normally (which for me is, to be honest 5 bottles of wine spread over the weekend) and no midweek drinking. Then I get so pissed on a Sunday night, worrying about work/the kids/my failing friendships/my messy house/the fucking guinea pigs etc etc that I drink on a Monday and so it continues.... it’s been the same for many years. I’m boring myself even writing this!