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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

BRAVE BABES - the bus keeps trundling on...

265 replies

venusandmars · 10/01/2021 10:48

We filled up the last thread, but never fear, we're always here!

Whatever your issue with drinking, whether you just want some encouragement with dry January or whether you've reached your rock bottom and need to quit. Everyone is welcome. You'll find support, encouragement, help. You'll find lots of understanding folks, who won't minimise your problem but who will never judge you. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from almost 11 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

OP posts:
venusandmars · 02/02/2021 10:18

Brilliant tinyem77 great resolve and great honesty. Thanks for updating us.

Yes, those dreams are horrid, but they do settle down. I think it takes a while when you've been living such a secret life, on the scary knife edge of being found out at any moment. (at least that's how it was for me).

OP posts:
Diddumz · 03/02/2021 17:31

Rejoining this thread after several years.

On day three after daily drinking for too many years to remember.

I had my last drink on Sunday and had an epiphany. The booze was doing nothing for me but making me ill and miserable.

Bad liver test results and a decline in my mental and physical health led to me seeking help and finding it here.

What amazes me is that, from your profile pics, you just look like every day people. So many of you are just like me. And yet, drink had us all enslaved.

I am not working at the moment and have noticed one major thing - I am sleeping loads! I think I am just exhausted from years of poisoning myself.

I am also eating rather a lot of unhealthy food, but a few weeks of eating rubbish won’t kill me. I am craving carbs and sugar.

I have been exceptionally lucky in that I am not plagued by cravings. Every time I think of booze, I remember how frightened I have been for so, so long.

I was drinking a bottle of strong (13%) wine every night, topped off with two cans of gin and tonic. A total of 77 units per week - five and a half times the recommended limit.

My husband knew about the wine, but I used to hide the cans of gin all over the house - he would always find them and he was so worried about me.

The stuff I drank was horrible, cheap rubbish that tasted foul.

When I went out, pre covid, I always came home very drunk.

I made an idiot of myself too many times - falling over or passing out in public, having to be carried home or just being horribly inappropriate.

My lowest point was passing out in a bar and taking the top half of my clothing off in my “sleep”. I got barred and was so, so ashamed. I also lost my favourite earrings that night.

It has taken three years from the stripping incident for the penny to drop - I can’t ever drink again.

No more hiding drink, no more awful guilt and fear, no more binning my bottles every day so they didn’t collect in the house, no more money wasted.

Batteredoldchesterfield · 06/02/2021 18:18

Diddumz, same here.

Last looked at these threads years ago but haven't really done much about it other than a couple of sober Octobers.

I have wine tonight, not sure about tomorrow, but am getting myself into the right head space.

Best of luck to you ❤

beachestoexplore · 07/02/2021 16:02

Hi all,

Sorry I have been awol for a bit, I stayed dry until Friday and have now had 2 nights back on the wine. My plan is to stay dry all week so we will see. I started my new job last Monday so that will be a big incentive.

Welcome back to our lurkers, good to see you post. Battered it sounds like you are preparing for some changes, hope you stay and share your thoughts Smile.

Diddumz How are you doing? I relate all to well to the daily drinking habit and the fear. It is great that you have been sleeping so well, some rest and repair sounds overdue. It is really normal to crave sugar, let yourself off the hook for that and enjoy. My guilty pleasure are Reese minis which are on no healthy eating plan ever Grin

tiny you are awesome! Those days are really clocking up.

Wherever you are on your journeys, this is a safe haven. Keep on trucking xx

Diddumz · 07/02/2021 16:26

Battered - day six for me, which feels like a miracle.

God, I would love some wine now... just riding out the cravings...

Best of luck to you too...

tinyem77 · 07/02/2021 16:49

Day 40. Feels good to say that, but this weekend has been hard. I've been under the weather and my 'go to' way of dealing with anything has been having a drink for way too long. I've had a real battle of wills with myself. If I'm honest, it's harder now than the first couple of weeks. I knew this would be the case, this is not my first time stopping, and I KNOW why I need to do this, I'm just sick of the internal arguements with myself. I know I'll be better in a couple of days, and I know I'm being a whining so-and-so, I just needed to dump how I'm feeling somewhere, so unfortunately, it's here

venusandmars · 07/02/2021 18:09

tinyem that's what this space is for - they perfect thread to dump everything that is annoying you, bugging you, wearing you down... And day 40 is a great achievement.

diddumz I was amazed the when I realised that cravings would pass. I though they would be like hunger or thirst and get more intense as time went on. But I discovered that if I could ride out the 30 minutes, or distract myself, or having something to eat / drink, then they may well have gone (or at least subsided enough that I could manage)

OP posts:
beachestoexplore · 10/02/2021 16:25

On track this week, how are you all?

Diddumz · 10/02/2021 23:15

Day nine for me.

chitofftheshovel · 11/02/2021 19:11

Day 1 again here. I am pretty sure I’ve lost my boyfriend after I spectacularly let him down yesterday. Everything is getting on top of me and it’s the booze that is getting me down and feeling like I can’t cope. Today I am very ashamed of myself and it’s a horrid feeling.

Worst, I apologised to my 15 year old son, said I was going to try again. His response? You’ll never do it. I have to this time.
I go a week, then bam, I congratulate myself with gin. I feel pathetic and weak.

Sorry to be all woe is me.

Therainisback · 12/02/2021 21:15

Chit be kind to yourself. If I had a pound for every Day 1 I've done,I'd be very rich.
I completely get the doing a week then congratulating myself - I do it with wine.
I'm on pukka nighttime tea now, but I drank last night.
All we can do is to keep trying. Flowers

venusandmars · 12/02/2021 23:27

Chit never mind the boyfriend, and (in some ways) never mind your son... What do YOU want to do? You have to do this for yourself. What drives to you be sober - being in control? being healthy? living a great life? saving money?

OP posts:
chitofftheshovel · 13/02/2021 08:32

therain (totally apt user name for the weather here today). I was on a “sleep” tea last night, it did fuck all to help my sleep...perhaps I’ll try the twinnings one. Funny isn’t it, I’ll think nothing of buying a bottle of gin, but balk at spending out on excessively priced tea bags. A pound for every day of restarts...I’d be rich for sure, except I’d have to off-set it against what I’d spent on booze...so I really wouldn’t be rich at all!!

venus you are completely right, and I’d come to a similar conclusion myself. I said to my boyfriend as much, that I had been more of the mindset of giving up for him, for us (he’s given up having been at a stage of 18 cans a day....but “that was different, it was only fosters, not spirits” - I have to want to do it for ME. For my health, both mental and physical, my relationships (that’s all included - family, friends, clients etc), my bank balance. All good reasons, yet I feel like I’m mourning a lost friend at the thought of never drinking again. I’ve had the best of times and the worst of times with the drink!! Just one step at a time I guess.

I’m trying to gear myself up for a wet and windy walk. If I had gin or wine or anything in the house I’d have woken up to gray and miserable bleakness and thought fuckit. Had a few and gone back to bed.

Sitting hearing and seeing the weather I know which I’d prefer right now 🤣.

Hi to everyone else, have a great Saturday.

PinkPonyTail · 13/02/2021 08:49

I’m joining this thread because I want to cut down my drinking a lot. MAx of 2 glasses 3 nights a week and never more.

If I could get to that I’d be happy...

SmallFox · 08/03/2021 20:12

How is everyone? Bus seems quiet - wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing.

I’m up to 5 months AF now. I’m feeling good, still have to safeguard my sobriety and police it (me) carefully, and weekends are dangerous, especially if I get bored. But liberal application of becks blue usually helps.

I’m a bit nervous of how it’ll be when we can actually start socialising again. Can’t wait, obviously, but my non-drinking routine works well at home and I’m scared of it being thrown off track as soon as I’m allowed out again.

I hope everyone is ok.

Therainisback · 15/03/2021 20:15

Hi Small
Well done - 5 months is fantastic. I am moderating, with variable success. Last week was good, week before not so. I don't post much because my posts are so repetitive Hmm.
Got 4 sober books on the go but strangely avoiding them. It's as though my brain is split in 2:- the "wannabe teatotaller" and the " don't stop drinking ever".

panictime · 19/03/2021 20:54

I’m a longtime lurker trying to give up for the zillionth time.

I lost my dad recently, he was a teetotaller, meanwhile I’ve been feeling some pain in the area where I imagine my liver must be. I’m feeling sad and a bit scared but I can’t admit it to my immediate family.

I keep on stopping - best I’ve done recently is 11 days - then starting again. I feel so much better when I don’t drink, but then I just want it again, so much.

When I have some time without drinking I feel so much calmer and happier, then when I drink it’s a least a bottle of wine, often closer to two.

The answer should be simple but clearly it isn’t.

Craftycorvid · 20/03/2021 17:13

How are all you lovely people doing at the start of spring?

Therainisback · 20/03/2021 18:57

Hi panictime I completely understand you. Like you I am always trying to give up but never succeeding for long.
Hi Crafty I'm good (having a reasonable week moderating). Glad it's spring.

chitofftheshovel · 30/03/2021 11:43

Not doing great here, been on self destruct mode again. Today is day one again! I’m very much regretting telling family members that I want to give up....the guilt of not so far sticking to it is overwhelming. I too much prefer the sober me. It helps to know I’m not alone in this struggle. It’s just so accessible!

chitofftheshovel · 30/03/2021 18:47

Just found out adrenaline can do wonders for a hangover....got a phone call at work from paramedics....they and the fire brigade were at my home, the kids had left the grill on and started a fire.

Thankfully no one injured and minimal damage. I’ll not be using it as an excuse to drink - if I can do that today after all this I can do it always!

TimeToLose8 · 30/03/2021 20:05

Ooh I have found a thread that appeals. I hope I can join you all. I'm on day 1, absolutely shattered after a sleepless, bad night. Corker of a drunken (me) row with husband last night. If it is really 'invino veritas' then I am one hellova nasty person. So not only am I hungover, but I'm being ignored. I think that the alcohol makes me brave enough to stand up for myself, but not really in a good way..

So I know I will sleep well tonight, but have to suffer the silent treatment (again), which just wants me to reach for the wine. But I won't. Good luck everyone else.

panictime · 01/05/2021 22:36

I guess this is a dead thread?

Slingsanderrors · 05/05/2021 16:53

Hopefully not dead, but the bus is very quiet at the moment. It would be such a shame if it disappeared after going for years.

Me? I plod on, having 3 or 4 days a week no drinking, and feel better for it. Difficult though, living with my utterly alcohol dependent husband who drinks himself into oblivion most nights and frequently falls and injures himself. I often have an overwhelming desire to drink myself into oblivion too, but then who would pick him up? Nightmare

GotOutAlive · 05/05/2021 22:19

I hope this thread doesn't disappear. I've dipped in and out for years, just reading but I really could use to talk like-minded people now.