BRAVE BABES - the bus keeps trundling on...

[venusandmars]

We filled up the last thread, but never fear, we're always here!

Whatever your issue with drinking, whether you just want some encouragement with dry January or whether you've reached your rock bottom and need to quit. Everyone is welcome. You'll find support, encouragement, help. You'll find lots of understanding folks, who won't minimise your problem but who will never judge you. Never judging, never minimising our problems.

If you want to catch up, our last thread is HERE

And if you want to follow everything from the start, the very first thread from almost 11 years ago is RIGHT HERE

You can join in anytime. Everyone is welcome. Whether you are trying to cut down, abstain completely , or are simply acknowledging that you might have a problem... Post what you want.

@daisychainsaw7 come to Scotland. Even in April you'll be craving hot chocolate in the garden!

@Hedjwitch (the poster formerly known as demented ma) I though you called ma an old bag, then realised it was old lag. But I looked in the mirror and it's more like old hag.

I notice such a relationship between alcohol and really bad food habits. Drinking sees me munching on crisps and salted nuts, and the day after craving sugar and stodgy carbs. Not drinking is doubly good for my health. Plus I have more energy and motivation - even enough to get my tax return completed and submitted - so good for my stress levels too since I won't be in a panic come 29th January.

@venusandmars ha ha I think I'm being overly optimistic thinking I'd be able to drink wine in the garden down south in April too if I'm honest! We can but dream though!

Ah @Hedjwitch! How are you??

Waving to @Hedjwitch - know you from other threads. 🙂

Does anyone know what happened to @elba84 ?

Hi to oldies and newbies alike.
Day 8 done by the skin of my teeth. Big wobble after both adult dcs informed me they needed money( one a student,one self employed) just as dh goes onto no pay because hes used up all his sick days. He had a double bypass three weeks ago and cant see him getting back to work anytime soon. He was in a foul mood when I tried to discuss it with him so we had a row. Great. That will help his recovery no end!

Hello all, happy new year. I didn't know the thread/Gerald was still going. I was sober for 8 months, then it all went pear shaped last summer. Last year wasn't a good one for me. Aimed to do Dry January but failed on day 5. Tired of being tired to be honest. Think I need a slap with Barrie.

Hi all can I join?
I know I’ve got a problem I drink almost every night I’ve put on weight I’m late for or missing work it’s affecting my relationships.
wanted to do dry January but had to finish all the Christmas drinks first then it was a leaving party and a birthday party so have only managed 3 days sober so far this year, day 2 today.
i need to change, I’m sick of feeling ill and like a failure, I’ve just broken up with my boyfriend before Christmas and my drinking was definitely a factor in that but not the whole issue my house is a tip because I drink as soon as dinner is done and spend my days off hungover to do anything productive.
Is drinking zero calorie stuff ok or would you recommend against it?
not sure where to start feel in a real rut and so down.

Hi Turning welcome! I can sympathise I'm also fed up of feeling crap and tired. Not sure about the zero calorie drinks, I prefer hot drinks if I'm not having wine. Have you got any apps on your phone? I've started using I am sober, you can pledge not to drink each morning and review the day, it also gives you questions to answer about yourself. I'm sure wiser babies will be along soon with more advice.

Hi Turning. Welcome to the Bus. It has been a lifeline for so many over the years. Alcohol free is fine and a big help in cutting down. Start with small steps and with reducing if the wider picture is too big. A glass less, even a mouthful less is a positive. And Congratulations on Day 2!

Evening team.

Today is the first day I have actually really fancied a drink since the start of the year..It's been a very long week at work.

On the tonic water for now!

Realise this is a very old thread, I've read the brave babes posts over the years but haven't contributed. For a while I thought I had everything in control, but I quite possibly blew everything recently. Feeling really awful but have never felt so resolute about never drinking again, Ever. It's like Russian roulette for me..I just never know how it's going to go. That's possibly a positive. I'm so sad thinking back to getting ready to go out, so unbelievably naive of me, thinking I looked really nice, starting out so well, and then it all went spectacularly wrong and I am dying inside. I kept thinking I should have a plan for the evening, but I didn't make one and I think I just got cocky. And now I might have ruined everything. I don't know. Even if I haven't, I really let myself down and have almost certainly ruined my professional reputation. That's always been something I've protected and been fearful of ruining. And just like that, I've gone and done it. I'm almost 60 FFS, can't even blame youth. Not sure anyone will read but it's helped even to just get it out. I am 100% on the bus. Alcohol just ruins everything..it tricks me into thinking it's fun/makes me more fun, but it's not. I dread to think of my liver after all these years..it's not cute or funny anymore..I'm an idiot and I'm so upset/ashamed of myself. Be lovely to hear from any other brave babes, old or new. It feels a lonely path right now.

Hey there Frank. Gosh, a blast from the past to see someone stepping aboard the bus. Firstly, well done on recognising the issue and wanting to change. I am STILL battling this,currently been on the 100 day AF thread ...which I failed to achieve. Whatever happened,I'm sure a decent apology will help it to blow over if needs be. We've all made fools of ourselves in the past thanks to the Wine Witch. I'm AF tonight and logged it on my app. Would an app help you do you think?

Hey Demented, thanks for replying..lovely just to see a.non judgemental response.

I'm.in such a tricky place, I know some of the people, but vaguely. I'll come into contact with them again at some point but they're sort of peers rather than colleagues, so I don't have contact details. I could ask around/find publicly available details but that feels weird. It's so odd. I was at a sort of party/event, for a retiring, very senior person in my profession. I stayed up v late, after everyone else had gone to bed, chatting with 3 people I vaguely knew..I went to bed fine, woke up early, rough as but ok. A bit miffed i'd drunk so much and stayed up so late, but generally no worries..had booked a massage so went for that, then looked for the people id stayed up late chatting to, hoping to see them at breakfast, so say ,'oh, my head hurts but lovely chatting'. They were in a big group and there was no room anywhere near their table..so I went t go get coffee/ food, came back and they'd gone. Then a little later, I saw one person, so I gave a little wave and a smile, blank look. I tried not to think too much, then I bumped into her again in the loo- gave a breezy 'morning! How are you?' and she walked straight past me. Then I saw a different woman who had been up late, I did a similar 'hi, how are you?' and she gave me a stern look, a stiff 'hi' and rushed past me. No one else was drinking, just me..and it's a very high brow crowd. I must have done or said something pretty awful to get this reaction, because I observed them from afar throughout the morning, laughing and chatting with other people..what the fuck have I done? Usually I know if something is off..I'd wake up early in a panic, but nothing. I know my drinking was heavy. And I know it was a bit odd in that group as I knew early ish in the evening I stood out for my drinking, and it was noticed that I kept going over to the champagne area. No one else was. That alone does not make me look good in this group. Why oh why...? What was i thinking, maybe it was a tiny bit of rebellion. But what the fk crazy opinion or stupid inappropriate idea did I share? It's the sort of group you think to yourself, that's not a thought I'd share there! It's just Uber serious and professional, and I've always respected it for that..I have a dark sense of humour... And sometimes when I'm drunk I just say stupid stuff. These people are really important in my field..in about 6 months time, I'll have to do a grant application with one of the women I've clearly upset. They could quietly absolutely ruin me..I'm a bit of an outsider as I staddle 2 professions so I'm also worried news will have spread..I've done such stupid stuff drunk before but never had such extreme reactions, so it must be bad. I was like a leper all morning..no one approached me..I just wandered around on my own. I kept looking to find someone I knew even from earlier in the night in the hope if something but it was like I was invisible. I was blanked entirely apart. I feel like I'll never really know. I'm so angry with myself. They're nice people too. I'm mortified. Had some close colleagues ask me about it today, did you see x, any photos,? How was it etc as the retiring guy was/is a big deal in the profession. A sort of career celeb. I have vague memories of being critical, but that would be acceptable (stupid but ok).. their reactions suggest far worse

It's the sense of being shunned I guess, being taken aside would have been deeply uncomfortable and embarrassing but at least I"d know and be able to apologise.

Do you know any of the group well enough to ask them.privately if you said something offensive as you realise you drank too much and get the impression that you overstepped the mark? Say you are mortified and wish to apologise if you were out of order.

Of course it could be that you didn't do or say anything awful,but were just embarrassing drunk - which I know is also cringe for you- but not the end of the world!

No, unfortunately not. it's all very surface level..in other similar groups I could definitely reach out, I guess that may also explain why I feel so vulnerable..it's a very professional (with a capital P) group..I was very human I guess. Anywhere else, I'd feel much more comfortable reaching out and I'd be embarrassed rather than completely and utterly mortified. I know very little about the people there other than their jobs/research - there's very little chit chat. Unless I'm there obviously, having had what now seems like a million glass of champagne, running my bloody mouth off. I feel so bad today I took the afternoon off work..I can't tell if I'm just going mad, or being stupidly irrational lor if it's all the ghosts of drunken past haunting me at once. One thing I will say is that it's good for sobriety. There's no way I would ordinarily manage this level of gut wrenching shame without a drink, but I feel absolutely sick at the thought of a drink. Thanks for replying to my fear driven rambling, Demented

I wonder if any Babes from the old days are still around? DH has a big birthday this weekend so I need to pull myself together for that. But it will almost be expected that I drink and I just can't. How in earth can I do it subtly?

I can't face telling him about my current beer fear. I'm too ashamed. I know he'd be really disappointed in me. So how am I suddenly not drinking on such a big celebration? He's not a drinker at all but he'll expect a bit of fizz or something for his birthday (mostly I think to please me... 😞)

There is so much pressure and shame around alcohol..sometimes I feel a bit like you can't win.

I have the bus almost to myself...

Loads of nice AF stuff around now including AF fizz. Just say you've got a bit of a dicky tummy or something so staying off the booze if anyone comments. DH mostly drinks AF beers now here and I like a Guinness Zero

@Franksnidebottom I hope you are getting through the weekend.

Ive been re-reading the original thread and the extraordinary lady, and Miflaw, and others there. The Brave Babes thread was a wonderful one for years.

I reached out to one of the women under another name but found it too hard to keep posting. To stay dry.
I had eventually a Last Chance and took it; Id been dry for nine months and then came the divorce and I drank to get through it. But if I hadn't stopped after that, I never would have.

I know why I drank, and it's not fixable. But Im living with it daily now without the false friend of booze and life -is- better. Much much better.

I feel for you Frank, I've been there too. It's awfully hard. When I say that I hope you can manage your husband's big birthday, I mean it from the heart. If not this weekend, then Monday is a new day.

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