He left her for me **MNHQ content warning added*

[LanaLielaLie]

His girlfriend of 9 years. I’m ashamed to say there was an overlap - go ahead and flame me. He was unhappy and they were sleeping in separate bedrooms etc. Now he’s moved back in with his mum and we’re trying to take things slow. However, he goes back there every week to see his dog and take it for a walk.

He’s not over her is he?

@LanaLielaLie but your judgement can’t be trusted - that’s the issue. These people are potentially very vulnerable.

Beyond that though, please leave your dd with her dad.

I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I can see how messed up this is, believe me. I’m genuinely scared and so confused.

@LanaLielaLie

I know it must seem crazy to believe, but I’m actually very competent in my work. I would never let my personal affect patients I treat

You've let a rapist dictate your behaviour. You've said previously he's attempted to get you to finish work early, to interrupt Teams meetings. How doesn't that impact on your work?

I'm sorry, I can see from your posts that you're a mess. But you have to change this OP. You're going to lose your job and your child if you keep this up.

I've just noticed your name says lie in it twice,I don't believe this is real at all

I wish it was fake. I honestly do. I’m not lying. Who would have the energy to make this shit up?

Who would have the energy to put up with the abuse!

@LanaLielaLie please just answer - are you going to leave your daughter where she’s safe? Emotionally as well as physically.

I wondered that too, @Itstimetoquit.

Yes, my daughter is safe. Until I sort this she will be with her dad.

@LanaLielaLie have you just decided that now or was that already the arrangement?

Given the awareness and statistics around domestic abuse and violence, you would think people could be a bit more empathetic and understanding. Just because it's hard and sad to hear doesn't mean this isn't the reality some women live through.

OP, I really hope that you can find the strength to realise you deserve better than this, and the courage to seek help and start taking baby steps toward freedom from abusive men. Your daughter is relying on you and you are relying on you. No-one else can change this.

I would really give women's aid a call. They have dealt with countless women in situations like this. I'm sorry if you are already engaging with them I haven't read the full thread.

I hope the tide turns for you, truly.

It’s already been the arrangement. I’ve just messaged him to tell him it’s over and he’s coming to get his stuff

If you do decide to change the locks when hes gone, assuming you have a double glazed front door, they are called UPVC, it's a single screw to change the lock. Look on youtube.

How old is your DD - she loves you OP make that the priority for you getting well to see her agian

@LanaLielaLie that’s great. Please do contact your gp though.

Fantastic news. Please please stick to it, don’t let him worm his way back into your affections.

Be very aware he will try every trick in the book. I’ve not been in this situation but I’ve seen it enough times on here to know how this goes. Hopefully those with more experience of this will be along to give you better advice and support.

My daughter is 4.

I’m worried that he’s going to try to convince me to let him stay. How do I stay strong?

I think you are deluded @LanaLielaLie. I don't mean that as a criticism but for some reason you don't seem to have any personal boundaries with this man who is using you as a plaything. He has found someone who seems to be willing to take any amount of abuse from him.

You deserve a happy life and that's not going to happen with him. You're going to HAVE to find a way to get him out, block his number and change the locks. And MEAN it. Get the counselling you need and live without a man in your life for as long as it takes you to start respecting you. Give yourself the same kind firm guidance that you'd give to a patient.

Message him, say not to come and then you arrange to do a handover of his stuff in front of a police station or a supermarket carpark with a friend parked next to you. Don't be alone with him as this could go very badly wrong for you.

I predict he will come to yours , try it on with you , cry , tell you he will change or he will attack you .

And as regards your daughter, do you really want her to grow up around someone who is sexually abusive, manipulative about your relationships with other people, controlling and physically grabbing at you when he's turned on? You can't allow her to think that's normal and acceptable.

And I would also suggest not getting involved in any other relationships until you’ve lifted your self esteem off the floor.

Detach yourself from the situation OP.

Pretend you're getting rid him for the sake of a friend he's abusing. Imagine what you would tell that friend, and how important it would be to you to make sure she got herself and her child out of that situation.

Your daughter is relying on you. If she's staying with her dad until this situation is resolved, then surely that means you can't see her properly until he is gone? Who are you going to choose - him or your lovely little daughter who relies on you?

There are quite literally a thousand reasons to bin this awful man forever and zero reasons to stay. Just say it over and over again until he is gone. Don't be emotional about it. Grey rock him.

Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking it's okay to be treated badly, coerced, abused? Of course you don't. Time to woman up here.

I'm not sure you are real either, but answering in case you are, or if someone really is in that situation is reading this.