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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He left her for me **MNHQ content warning added*

665 replies

LanaLielaLie · 05/01/2021 07:14

His girlfriend of 9 years. I’m ashamed to say there was an overlap - go ahead and flame me. He was unhappy and they were sleeping in separate bedrooms etc. Now he’s moved back in with his mum and we’re trying to take things slow. However, he goes back there every week to see his dog and take it for a walk.

He’s not over her is he?

OP posts:
Itstimetoquit · 22/01/2021 20:17

You don't feel like your in an abusive relationship "am I deluded" ! Yes you are,what is the point in this thread if you feel your relationship is not abusive?everything you have wrote screams abuse! So many people have given you advise that you basically ignored! That man is awful,he is abusing you and you are allowing it! WHY?

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 22/01/2021 20:19

I’m not a fantasist but I am ill, admittedly. I cling on to the slightest scrap of human affection. I want to believe so much that he’s being genuine now

OP posts:
Itstimetoquit · 22/01/2021 20:22

Genuine no he's not,if you think that he treats you with affection you obviously don't know what affection is,I'm starting to think this post is a wind up,nobody would let this happen!

Purplethrow · 22/01/2021 20:23

I think you are ill Op .

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 22/01/2021 20:24

It really isn’t a wind up. I can’t stress that enough. I know how frustrating it must be to read though

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 22/01/2021 20:27

I feel sorry for you OP. You are either ill, being silly or enjoying some drama. This will not end well.

Your poor daughter.

Itstimetoquit · 22/01/2021 20:28

It's horrible to read,how you could live like it is beyond me,I personally think you get some sort of kick out of it! Nobody of a sane mind would think that this was acceptable!

SheldonesqueIsAnExVirgin · 22/01/2021 20:28

You are a fantasist.

You are deluded.

How many times do you need to be told he is not good for you?

Why - when you know what he is like

  • do you tell him that your friend doesn’t approve? If not for the drama , then what?

Believe that he is good for you all you like. Refer yourself to my first two sentences. And repeat.

Doggybiccys · 22/01/2021 20:28

Oh FFS. Your poor poor DD. I hope this is a wind up.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 22/01/2021 20:29

I was quiet after I got back from seeing her and he was pressing me about what was said. I didn’t voluntary tell him

OP posts:
DontBeShelfish · 22/01/2021 20:30

This thread is awful. I cannot believe the OP is a mental health practitioner. Your daughter is going to be fucked up for the rest of her life if any of this is even remotely real. Going to hide this now.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 22/01/2021 20:31

Please don’t bring my daughter into this. I’m more than capable of being a good mum to her.

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 22/01/2021 20:31

Can your dd live with her dad? You can’t look after her properly. You just can’t. Not right now.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 22/01/2021 20:32

She’s with her dad at the moment yes.

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 22/01/2021 20:32

Leave her there. It’s likely the only good thing you can do for her right now.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 22/01/2021 20:32

I feel like I’m suffocating. All of this is crashing down now I’m talking here 😩

OP posts:
DontBeShelfish · 22/01/2021 20:32

@LanaLielaLie

Please don’t bring my daughter into this. I’m more than capable of being a good mum to her.
But you're not OP, and as a MH practitioner you should know you're putting her in the way of harmful behavioural patterns that will wreck her perception of what a healthy relationship is. You've let this man into your house, he has coerced you into sex that you don't enjoy and mostly don't consent to, and now he's asking you to delete friends on social media.

You are damaging your daughter.

toocold54 · 22/01/2021 20:33

How many times do you need to be told he is not good for you?

Some people don’t want to be helped.

OhCaptain · 22/01/2021 20:34

I find it insane that you work in any sort of mental health capacity. It’s extremely worrying.

I really don’t say that lightly. That’s how horrendous this is.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 22/01/2021 20:34

I’ve just told him he can’t come tonight and he’s saying I could have told him earlier. I cant breathe

OP posts:
Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 22/01/2021 20:35

I know it must seem crazy to believe, but I’m actually very competent in my work. I would never let my personal affect patients I treat

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 22/01/2021 20:36

@LanaLielaLie

Please don’t bring my daughter into this. I’m more than capable of being a good mum to her.
You're bringing a sex offender into her house. Your choice but not hers.

Keep that friend very close and stop telling him what she says.

toocold54 · 22/01/2021 20:36

Whether he is a prick or not is irrelevant - he is using you for sex.
Literally nearly everyone of your posts is about him coming over for sex. You’ve only been with him a few months!

He’s obviously still with his gf. He clicks his fingers and you jump - get some self respect OP no wonder he doesn’t respect you when you don’t respect yourself.

Itstimetoquit · 22/01/2021 20:36

You should tell all your friends and family what hes done and how he behaves see what they think ,if my daughter told me this i would be furious, i would call the police myself and definitely call professionals to safeguard the child,what are you teaching your child !

SunshineCake · 22/01/2021 20:38

Btw. It's going nowhere good.