He left her for me **MNHQ content warning added*

[LanaLielaLie]

His girlfriend of 9 years. I’m ashamed to say there was an overlap - go ahead and flame me. He was unhappy and they were sleeping in separate bedrooms etc. Now he’s moved back in with his mum and we’re trying to take things slow. However, he goes back there every week to see his dog and take it for a walk.

He’s not over her is he?

Text him that you don't want sex. You want him out and you will call the police.

He is basically telling you sex is going to happen whether you like it or not

You need to text him that you are sorry but he needs to go. If he doesnt you will be calling the police and it is over.

Otherwise you will be assaulted when you get home. It is your house OP he has no right to be there. Do you have anyone who could be with you when you get home to get him out

You know what you have to do, you’ve been told and told again on here, in plain English. I’m not sure any further advice is going to help if you keep letting the waste of space back in, maybe you really dont want him to leave and are prepared to put up with your current situation with him, in which case it’s up to you entirely, no one can tell you what to do. I sort of get the impression that you want to stay with him, dog walking, ex girlfriend and sex on tap, and that’s fine as long as you are happy, just don’t ask for advice on here!

I would ask the police to meet you at your home and have him removed. Remember if he threatens to share private pictures that is an offence. He is a sex pest. I would be keeping some sort of rape spray in my handbag....
Letting him back in was imo a dangerous move op..

Fucking hell OP - have a re-read of this entire thread, then have a word with yourself, get him out and block/run for the hills.

He’s a vile, nasty, dishonest, abusive cockwomble & that’s being generous. Get rid, please - it’s just horrible reading about someone putting up with this shit. Get help if you need to (family, friends or professional), but most of all get out of the situation pronto. You can do it.

@LanaLielaLie

I’ve let him stay at my house while I’m at work, and he’s messaging saying that he’s sorry but that he won’t be able to keep his hands off me when I get home. I’m an idiot for letting this happen

You're actually being really annoying OP now OP and I have to question whether yiure doing it deliberately. For someone who works in the therapy sector, you kniw full well that your thread title is awful, and that letting him stay at your home and send you those messages would make a rape conviction almost impossible.

You're out if your house today (while he is in it) because you're at work. So youre sitting at work putting this on mumsnet, ignoring common sense and advice. It's almost as if you're running through a rape defence set up scenario in your head.

You don't even know him that well and you're obsessed, literally obsessed, with his ex girlfriend.

There is no point in me engaging with thus thread further.

Why???

So he could go through/steal/smash up your stuff or at worse set fire to the place ( this happened to a friend after her housemates let her ex back in when she was out and he started a bonfire in her room. He also took her address book and when she fled abroad to stay with relatives he turned up there as well)

Please stop being your own worse enemy. Call the Police and sort this out so they can remove him.

Bet he has set spy cameras up...

I have name changed for this. I am assuming that you are genuine even though some pp are having their doubts.
This man is going to hurt you. Definitely emotionally and probably physically .
I was raped as a teenager by a friend and it F**is up your whole life. Relationships, jobs, social life everything. Please get yourself away from him.

Call the police and explain you are afraid to go home because he's in your house and sexually coercive.

Tell a colleague you trust that you need someone to be with you while you tell him to leave.

Don't just let this happen to you. Please.

Look if you want to carry on with this farce of a relationship, that's up to you. Perhaps you enjoy him having the power, calling the shots.

It seems like you're attempting to assuage your guilt for sleeping with someone else's partner by dressing yourself up as a victim here, as if you're defenceless to turn down his advances.

You have choices but you're consistently making the wrong ones for whatever reason and telling yourself it's not your fault, you can't help being like this.

Sorry to be blunt but start being honest with yourself and taking accountability for your own actions.

@LanaLielaLie

I’ve let him stay at my house while I’m at work, and he’s messaging saying that he’s sorry but that he won’t be able to keep his hands off me when I get home. I’m an idiot for letting this happen

Yes, that was a bloody stupid thing to do. But what are you going to do about it now?

In your shoes, there's no way I'd be returning home unaccompanied. It just doesn't sound safe. Either he'll coerce you into having sex and you'll feel awful afterwards or you'll say no and he'll do it anyway.

Get a friend or colleague to come with you and tell him he has to leave. Immediately. Without discussion. If he refuses, call the police.

You deserve so much better than this.

This is so similar to the one where the OP claimed to have veen harassed by a married senior consultant in her new job, who was going to leave his wife and family for her, and kept turning up at her house. She was advised multiple times to not let him in, phone the police, contact HR, etc but the story ended with her letting him into her house. The poster similarly got a lot of sympathy initially and came back frequently to update.

So the point of this post is that exactly the same advice applies as on that thread.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself with this “I’m an idiot” crap and take control of your life. This man is going to hurt you, you’re letting it happen because you think that’s what you deserve. Do you have kids? Get help.

@Fairydustrust probably :( it’s just so frustrating as I think lots of us have been through similar and looking back wish someone would have talked some sense into us. But yes it does seem that this is just someone’s sad hobby at this point.

Wow. I can assure you I am 100% not playing anyone. This is my life unfortunately, and I truly am sorry for anyone that I’m annoying or upsetting. I’m aware of how stupid I’ve been and still am being. I’m genuinely dreading going home tonight, he’s even brought some of his stuff over which is blocking access to part of my kitchen. I also woke up ridiculously early in the hours of this morning to pick him up from work because his car had broken down. I don’t know why I’m being such a mug but I need it to stop. I’ve arranged private counselling but I can’t speak to her for another two weeks. I’m getting support from work from colleagues but I’m too embarrassed and ashamed to tell them that I’ve let him back in.

He’s already trying to coerce me into it. I said that I wouldn’t be having sex because I’m exhausted and he said he thought I loved him and wanted him with a

I feel trapped but I know I’ve done it to myself. My dc is currently with her dad due to schools being closed and me being a key worker so no danger there.

So his message is basically saying you dont have a choice and it is happening whether you like it or not.

You cannot see your child when he is there either.

You need to get him out OP and then block him

@Anon12345678i

I have name changed for this. I am assuming that you are genuine even though some pp are having their doubts. This man is going to hurt you. Definitely emotionally and probably physically . I was raped as a teenager by a friend and it F**is up your whole life. Relationships, jobs, social life everything. Please get yourself away from him.

I promise you I’m being genuine. I’ve had a troubled past but I would never, ever lie about something so serious. I’m feeling overwhelmed and I’m coming here so that I can be totally honest. I can’t let people in real life know how weak I’ve been. I don’t even want to admit it to myself.

There’s a saying along the lines of “you can take a horse to a river but you can’t force it to drink the water.”

There’s nothing we can do for you. There’s nothing anyone can do to help you at this point - you have to take the initiative and help yourself.

I’ve had 5 WhatsApp messages since lunch time telling me to come “home”. It makes me feel sick with anxiety and fear. I need him gone.

Also (and I apologise because this is tmi) but I think he’s actually physically damaged me and I’m too nervous to go to the GP.

Get him to meet your from work, but actually go home, as soon as he leaves the house lock yourself in and send his stuff back to his mum's in a taxi