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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He left her for me **MNHQ content warning added*

665 replies

LanaLielaLie · 05/01/2021 07:14

His girlfriend of 9 years. I’m ashamed to say there was an overlap - go ahead and flame me. He was unhappy and they were sleeping in separate bedrooms etc. Now he’s moved back in with his mum and we’re trying to take things slow. However, he goes back there every week to see his dog and take it for a walk.

He’s not over her is he?

OP posts:
Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 09/01/2021 10:15

I call bullshit too. There’s absolutely no reason he’d do that because why would he want to narrow his options Confused it’s most likely a last ditch attempt at getting me to stick around. He said he was going to take me away for my birthday next week too (not sure how he was planning that during a national lockdown), and that he was going to tell his family all about me. Sure.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 09/01/2021 10:41

He never told her about you. He's lying to guilt trip you into getting back with him.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 09/01/2021 10:44

You know when things are taken just that little bit too far?

That.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 09/01/2021 10:59

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell

You know when things are taken just that little bit too far?

That.

I don’t understand?
OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 09/01/2021 11:28

@LanaLielaLie

Thank you for all of your support. It’s given me a lot of strength.

He eventually gave up and stopped messaging me, but I woke up to declarations of love and him telling me that I’ll be the mother of his babies one day. He also said that he’s lost his dog because he told his ex about me and she’s banned him from the house. Am I supposed to be grateful/apologetic?!

I will call the police if he carries on.

To be honest it sounds like you are loving him saying all this or you would just block him and be done with it.
Panicwiththebisto · 09/01/2021 11:53

Time to block!

PicsInRed · 09/01/2021 12:06

Nonsense.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 09/01/2021 12:28

I’m getting closer to blocking. I know it seems like the only sensible idea but it’s harder than that for me. I will do it.

I’m not enjoying his messages. In fact, they’re scaring me a little bit. More because I didn’t realise how unhinged he was all this time.

OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 09/01/2021 14:22

Come on now. You can do it. Just hit that button. Honestly I wanted to block an ex for ages and thought I couldn't do it and then he did something and I snapped and blocked him. I thought I'd feel sadness. All I felt was relief.

SunshineCake · 09/01/2021 14:24

I'm close to being out. You are self harming, enjoying the drama or bullshitting us and yourself.

VodselForDinner · 09/01/2021 14:25

@PicsInRed

Nonsense.
Utter
lemonsquashie · 09/01/2021 14:55

The way you have described this man is making me shudder! He sounds very very scary. Like s soap villain. You have to stop him now before he gets a firmer grip on you and your life

You do realise that he has picked you because you're vulnerable don't you! Predators seek out prey who are weaker than them. Please please please take positive action and save yourself

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 09/01/2021 15:00

I’m not bullshitting anyone I promise you, nor am I enjoying the drama Sad. Self-harm? Possibly. Believe me I’m doing the best I can

OP posts:
Panicwiththebisto · 09/01/2021 15:04

Send this then block.....

Do not message or phone me again.

WARNING - If you contact me again, I will report you to the Police for harassment.

81Byerley · 09/01/2021 15:26

I was so pleased to hear you have ended it. I agree with @Panicwiththebisto.

SunshineCake · 09/01/2021 16:19

I understand the self harm aspect of allowing a man who causes you pain to stay in your life long after they should have been out. But I can tell you the feeling once they are out of your life, head and heart is worth any moment of fleeting happiness you might have thought you had with them.

Groovinpeanut · 09/01/2021 16:53

OP, if you want to message me feel free to do so.

GreenlandTheMovie · 09/01/2021 18:06

Take screenshots before you block or delete his messages.

I think some people are finding it hard to believe that this man has been able to sleep with one woman, never mind two!

Is he physically attractive or something? Its not that easy for me to get women, and pyschopaths do often present as very attractive.

PusheenLove · 09/01/2021 18:09

@Toilenstripes

He loves his dog. If you don’t get that then you should move along.
Haha. Love the stepkid analogy Grin
youvegottenminuteslynn · 09/01/2021 20:57

How are you doing OP?

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 12/01/2021 12:33

So, I’ve been really silly and I’m aware that most of you will give up on me at this stage. I let him back in 🤦🏻‍♀️. And now I’m strongly regretting it. He’s basically become a cocklodger in the space of a couple of days and I don’t know what to do

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 12/01/2021 12:35

Tell him to leave and if he doesnt call the police

And then block him.

You know what to do - its about finding the strength to do it.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 12/01/2021 12:38

I’ve let him stay at my house while I’m at work, and he’s messaging saying that he’s sorry but that he won’t be able to keep his hands off me when I get home. I’m an idiot for letting this happen

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 12/01/2021 12:38

You do know what to do. You ask him for space, as he's so lovely to you you know he will given it then as soon as he's out add a bolt to the door, text him it is fully over and block him on everything.

SunshineCake · 12/01/2021 12:39

@LanaLielaLie

I’ve let him stay at my house while I’m at work, and he’s messaging saying that he’s sorry but that he won’t be able to keep his hands off me when I get home. I’m an idiot for letting this happen
Pre warning of rape now.
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