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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He left her for me **MNHQ content warning added*

665 replies

LanaLielaLie · 05/01/2021 07:14

His girlfriend of 9 years. I’m ashamed to say there was an overlap - go ahead and flame me. He was unhappy and they were sleeping in separate bedrooms etc. Now he’s moved back in with his mum and we’re trying to take things slow. However, he goes back there every week to see his dog and take it for a walk.

He’s not over her is he?

OP posts:
Grimsknee · 07/01/2021 09:11

Good for you, OP. That must've been really difficult - you've been so strong. It took guts to post here, and way more guts to take action. Mumsnet is here for you - keep posting!

GreenlandTheMovie · 07/01/2021 09:22

You sound totally fed up with him OP.

Anyone can fall for a psycho, some if them are very convincing. Because they've had do much practice.

Did he present himself as attractive because he had left his partner for you? Because its likely she doesnt/wouldn't want him if he had revealed as much of his true self to her as he did to you. The true him is someone no one decent would ever want.

Manxiety · 07/01/2021 09:51

@LanaLielaLie

So last night after he left, we exchanged messages and I ended it. I’ve woken up to lots of gushy words about how he loves me so much and what an amazing woman I am blah blah blah. It’s taking every bit of my strength not to crumble and fall for it. But I did it. I broke it off once and for all
Hallelujah! Well done OP! Stay strong. You've realised what it is now & had the sense to end it. You deserve someone who cares about you, not his own gratification. This man is toxic and it would only get worse. He would undoubtedly have affairs & hook ups and put your physical and mental health at risk. We are proud of you!!
pinkyredrose · 07/01/2021 10:06

Well done OP! Such great news! Today is the first day of the rest of your life, enjoy it!

Candyfloss99 · 07/01/2021 10:39

@LanaLielaLie

So last night after he left, we exchanged messages and I ended it. I’ve woken up to lots of gushy words about how he loves me so much and what an amazing woman I am blah blah blah. It’s taking every bit of my strength not to crumble and fall for it. But I did it. I broke it off once and for all
Well done, I am so happy and relieved for you. He will never be happy but now you can be.
MaryLeeOnHigh · 07/01/2021 10:57

So he came over tonight to talk about things. He wanted sex and I said no. He said he bet he could change my mind. I reiterated that I didn’t want to and he was saying just touch it once. I said no, and he put his hand on me. I removed it

He didn't come over to talk about anything, he came over to coerce you into sex and for no other reason.

I'm so glad you've ended it. I hope you've now blocked him everywhere?

SunshineCake · 07/01/2021 11:43

@LanaLielaLie

So last night after he left, we exchanged messages and I ended it. I’ve woken up to lots of gushy words about how he loves me so much and what an amazing woman I am blah blah blah. It’s taking every bit of my strength not to crumble and fall for it. But I did it. I broke it off once and for all
Only if you block him on everything is it over once and for all. He didn't just accept it, did he?
OrchestraOfWankery · 07/01/2021 11:51

@MaryLeeOnHigh

So he came over tonight to talk about things. He wanted sex and I said no. He said he bet he could change my mind. I reiterated that I didn’t want to and he was saying just touch it once. I said no, and he put his hand on me. I removed it

He didn't come over to talk about anything, he came over to coerce you into sex and for no other reason.

I'm so glad you've ended it. I hope you've now blocked him everywhere?

Yes, he wanted to get sex.
Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 07/01/2021 11:56

I think he definitely expected to have sex. And his plan was to come back tonight Hmm. Before I ended it he said he hopes we don’t become one of those couples that dry up and never have sex because he wouldn’t be able to handle that. We had sex all the time. He just didn’t like me turning him down last night. He still put his hands down my jeans and grabbed my boobs. As well as trying to put my hand on him.

OP posts:
Emmelina · 07/01/2021 12:01

He is vile. Forcing you to touch him and assaulting you sexually by putting his hands down your jeans and touching your breast. UGH. Gross gross gross. You are well shot but need to be strong. Call the police if he shows up again and report him.

misskatamari · 07/01/2021 12:42

Wtaf! God he is VILE! Get him blocked!

MaryLeeOnHigh · 07/01/2021 12:49

@LanaLielaLie

I think he definitely expected to have sex. And his plan was to come back tonight Hmm. Before I ended it he said he hopes we don’t become one of those couples that dry up and never have sex because he wouldn’t be able to handle that. We had sex all the time. He just didn’t like me turning him down last night. He still put his hands down my jeans and grabbed my boobs. As well as trying to put my hand on him.
That's criminal assault. You have blocked him from contacting you, haven't you?
Panicwiththebisto · 07/01/2021 13:31

Vile pig [vomit]

Panicwiththebisto · 07/01/2021 13:36

I hope you feel a bit stronger and better about yourself today, having rejected and dumped him, OP.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 07/01/2021 19:35

I’m definitely feeling better about myself. Annoyed and ashamed that I’ve put up with so much unnecessary shit but I won’t let it happen again. I’ve been speaking to a psychologist at work (didn’t tell him all the details just so that I can keep some dignity) and he’s putting me in touch with a counsellor friend of his who deals with low self esteem and so on. I’ve had NHS counselling before but the waiting list is huge, even more so these days, and there’s only a limited amount of sessions you can have. I think I need something long term.

OP posts:
Clarice99 · 07/01/2021 19:52

Well done for ditching this utter scumbag.

You are worth so much more Star

category12 · 07/01/2021 20:00

Well done on breaking it off with him, and on the plan to invest in yourself with counselling. Flowers

SunshineCake · 07/01/2021 20:47

Have you blocked him?

Good luck with the counselling. IME it works well once you are truly ready to be honest with yourself and the counsellor and when you find the right person for the issues.

Groovinpeanut · 07/01/2021 21:59

I knew you were close to ending things. It takes a natural process, and you've done amazingly well. If you have a wobble ( which you will) just try and keep calm, talk yourself through your actions, focus on how you've found the strength to tell him his behaviour, is wrong, and the strength you found taking back control of your life. I'm glad you're able to access support through work. Don't feel guarded about telling them the full account of things. You've done so, so well. Feel proud of yourself... You're breaking a long cycle of events in your life. You deserve a good life, settle for nothing less. I genuinely wish you the very best.

Manxiety · 08/01/2021 08:33

@LanaLielaLie

I think he definitely expected to have sex. And his plan was to come back tonight Hmm. Before I ended it he said he hopes we don’t become one of those couples that dry up and never have sex because he wouldn’t be able to handle that. We had sex all the time. He just didn’t like me turning him down last night. He still put his hands down my jeans and grabbed my boobs. As well as trying to put my hand on him.
Well done! Another day of NC down and strength & self-respect up!

You are taking control of your life in a healthy & proactive way. Good on you girl! It's definitely the right thing to do.

Panicwiththebisto · 08/01/2021 08:51

Be kind to yourself, and don’t beat up yourself about him, he’s not worth it.

A journey begins with one step, and you’ve made that step. A journey for your self-resoect.

Original poster
LanaLielaLie · 08/01/2021 12:40

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I haven’t blocked him yet so he is still trying. I can see straight through him this time though. I will get there.

OP posts:
GreenlandTheMovie · 08/01/2021 12:45

@LanaLielaLie

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I haven’t blocked him yet so he is still trying. I can see straight through him this time though. I will get there.
Well done OP. Once you've stared to see through someone and see them for what they really are, theres no going back.

You've also saved yourself a lot of heartache because he was treating you badly already, when even these characters usually treat people well that they are even moderately serious about at the beginning.

KarmaNoMore · 08/01/2021 13:43

Block him, he us a master manipulator and would go through your resolve very quickly. Are you texting him back?

SunshineCake · 08/01/2021 13:53

Why do you want to still read what he has to say ?

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