Divorcing sulking DH - it WILL happen in 2021!

[jamaisjedors]

Another year, another thread !

Can't believe this is thread number SIX ! and that I am still getting amazing support from all the wonderful mumsnetters out there !

RECAP :
First thread from December 2019 after my H ruined my birthday weekend (and 1st anniversay of my dad's death) by giving me the silent treatment all weekend to "punish me" for not being grateful enough for him coming away and buying me a present and a card.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3448545-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking?msgid=84022238

Thanks to some amazing posters I realised that H's behaviour (which was not at all a one-off) was emotionally abusive and unacceptable.

I prepared to leave him and got plans in place but got "hoovered" back in by H with promises of joint counselling, individual counselling for him, and regular "date nights". Unfortunately none of that changed the dynamic in our relationship : 2nd thread :

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3498886-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking-part2?msgid=85957683

I started a 3rd thread in May when H and I had decided to separate :

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3580872-LEAVING-sulking-H?msgid=88239005

and that's when things got nightmarish.

As everyone on here pointed out, the most dangerous time for women is when they decide to leave an abusive partner.

In a nutshell, H went missing, had an acute psychotic episode, was admitted to a psychiatric facility and stayed there for over 2 months.

Staff at the hospital warned me H could be dangerous for me and advised me to move out of the family home asap which I did, in fear for my life.

Fourth thread :
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a3637219-DIVORCING-sulking-H?msgid=92845754#92845754

saw me going to court to safeguard the DC through a request for full custody with limited visiting rights for exH.

With the help of my great lawyer we got the decision we wanted from the judge but the battle never ends over every little thing - schools, activities, money...

Fifth thread :
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3786349-Divorcing-sulking-H-will-it-happen-in-2020?msgid=102523551

But exH appealed against the judge's initial decision so we had to go back to court in mid-February and with COVID etc. the ruling came in June 2020.

The saga continued as the judge ruled she didn't have enough information to make a decision about custody (exH didn't provide any) and so in November 2020 the whole family had to go for a "psychological assessment".

Right now we are still:

• waiting for the expert's psychological report as to whether exH is safe to have the DC overnight
• still waiting for the designated solicitor to draw up a financial settlement
• waiting for exH to agree to the divorce - but after 2 years living separately (May 2021 or September 2021) he will have no choice.

Which is why 2021 WILL be the year of the divorce !

I keep posting after all this time because:

a) I have had and continue to get brilliant, incisive, caring advice and support from other posters
b) I regularly see threads from women with "sulking" partners and who might (I hope) gain some insight into their situation by taking a look at my threads and the advice on them
c) my threads are absolute proof of the fact that leaving an abusive man is dangerous (even when you are not even sure yourself whether he is really abusive or not). We were a "normal" family, looked "perfect" from the outside, and suddenly we have been involved with social services, police, courts. I can't even begin to imagine how hard all that must be without the financial means and real-life/online support that I have had.

Happy also for anyone to PM me if anything in my threads strikes a chord with you

Just at awe with your story. I'm possibly starting a very similar battle... :(

Oh my! Just read through this because my DH went through a sulking patch! So pleased he now "adults" but there is a lot I could relate to in your history.
He has not had a sulking fit for several years now.
I hope the divorce will mean you can, finally, move on!

How are things @jamaisjedors ? Hope you are managing to move forward (and that your doctor has been helpful with the peri stuff!)

Just checking back in, thanks for the messages 🤗!
Heard from my lawyer today - good news is the case is now closed (noone can add anything new to the documents sent to the court.
Bad news is, despite the judge supposedly wanting the case heard before she leaves, we now have a date for the divorce hearing... mid September 😣

I was so mad last night but it's just another delay in the process, there have been so many. I MUST stop getting my hopes up each time that things will move along, I should know better by now!

Anyway, busy at work today and then away for a yoga weekend so hopefully I can put it all aside for the summer and forget about it (easier than it sounds of course..[

Thanks again for thinking of me - btw no help at all on the perimenopause thing apart from some herbal supplements but they do seem to be helping a little. Am upping the yoga to every morning religiously which will help too I think - with everything !

Thanks for the update. Enjoy your yoga weekend

A small step forward dear @jamaisjedors, but a step forward nonetheless. Stay strong and cross off the days - you are getting to the end of this torturous process. Enjoy your time off! 🌹

Good grief @jamaisjedors! Divorce rates in France must skyrocket when people are in their 70’s…. Seems that’s how long it takes, even if you leave in your 20’s!

Thanks for the update @jamaisjedors, every little step is a step closer!
Keep up the yoga 🧘‍♀️ and enjoy your weekend!

Glad to hear you're doing ok Jamais even if you're still slogging through the courts!

ooh the end is nigh!!

One step at a time. You're still heading in the right direction, albeit slowly. It WILL happen. Sending you strength and love ❤️

Oh God it's agony, No wonder France is broke, all this wasting of time...
........& breath !

What's another 4 months, hey? You've come this far, you can last a little longer.

September will be here before you know it.

Cross on your behalf and totally in awe of your taking such a sanguine view. You have so got this @jamaisjedors

@jamaisjedors It'll fly by. It was Christmas only yesterday!
Your boys will be men soon. Thanks to you, they can choose their future path without his influence.

Peri is awful. It hit me about 6 yrs ago (at 45). Periods became unpredictable (awol for up to 3 months, heavier, back-to-back with a week break) and my memory is hit n miss - I was as sharp as a pin, now more like a darning needle. Hot n bothered most of the time. I really want to swap central heating for aircon - even in January!
DH did mention it was good that in the UK we can't buy a gun from the supermarket.
🤔🥵🤬🤯

@jamaisjedors it is already more than a month since your last post so it’s flying by! Hope all is going well otherwise.

Another watcher hoping to see a happy ending

Ah you are right, the time will fly by with it being the summer, it already feels close now to the next court date (if that happens of course, after so many cancellations and set-backs I'm not 100% counting on it[!

Life is good otherwise, DC doing well and are happy, and so am I.

I am like a different person to when I started posting about all of this 4 years ago!

Just more relaxed in my skin, more fun to be around, more confident, and my life is great.

Thanks for checking in!

It's so good to read your last update @jamaisjedors. You sound like a completely different person to the one who posted 4 years ago, and you obviously are, it's wonderful to see. Glad the boys are doing well too.

Je vous souhaite un bon été.

@jamaisjedors
I've just spent the past few days reading through your threads as I can relate to a huge amount of your early threads in terms of sulking/ silent treatment by H ...the impact on me ...our child ...our home ...everything ...

Like you initially, I almost had a plan executed to leave earlier in the year ... Albeit in anger and fury at how he'd been treating me ...as well as questioning if it was really "abusive" ...but the housing then fell through so here I am ...in a "nice" phase where he is saying he's never stopped loving me , falling over himself to be helpful and I'm trying to reconcile with the contemptuous and vicious silent treatments ( weeks/ months at a time) and language about/ towards me ...

After a night of very disrupted and little sleep I'm left pondering the question posed in + my own) counselling yesterday ... Was his behaviour deliberate ( undoubtedly yes) was it spiteful , intentionally... ( some of it I think was and a lot of it felt that way and impacted that way regardless of intent).

I wanted to say thank you for your posts and courage in posting here as it gives me hope there is a way through this and future beyond it ....
I hope this year is the one where you are finally free and that you and the boys are doing okay

Lovely @jamaisjedors I imagine the leaves in France are starting to show golden tips. How has your summer been? Are the boys happy and thriving? Are you likely to be divorced before we are all in our 80’s?

"Are the boys happy and thriving? Are you likely to be divorced before we are all in our 80’s? "😂😂

moving close to Mid September, so I hope this could be the start of the finale

I hope you and the boys have had a good summer

I’ve been here all along. Have put the champagne in the fridge.

Oh please let it end....