It's a porn one..

[Usernameok123]

Name changed.

Let me start by saying, I'm one of those women who is fine with porn. I watch porn myself. I'm not here for a MN telling off about porn please.

Used DH's laptop tonight for a zoom call with friends. He has to be up at 4am for work - goodnight darling, sleep well etc.

A few minutes into the call with friends, a little icon keeps bouncing up and down (it's a MacBook, I'm not well versed in them). I click on it to see what it's for.

Lo and behold, it tells me that DH is looking at porn. In fact, he's looking at "shemale" porn. I see as much as I need to see and close the window. What I saw was a lot.

What the actual fuck do I do now? Is it just curiosity? Is he gay? What the fuck??

We have literally zero problems in our relationship. Sexual, emotional, we are so strong.

Is it just the type of porn he likes to look at?

I am so, so thrown by this. Do I pull the man up over a fantasy?

Brains scrambled.

Genuinely maybe he was just a bit bored and looking out of curiosity? It seems that everything else is good in your relationship then I wouldn't worry.
If you really are worried I would bring it up. Explain how you don't have a problem with porn but that popped up and you were a bit surprised?! You can probably gauge what's going on by his reaction although he'll be embarrassed either way.

@Sandals19

Gay men are attracted to men who look quite traditionally masculine and that's what you see in their porn.

Bollocks.

There attracted to all types of men and even the most one dimensional cliched gay porn has "bears" (masculine, heavy set, big, hairy guys) and "twinks" (lightly built, smaller, delicate, boyish or "feminine") men, who generally are the ones being penetrated.

I overly generalised, but my overarching point was that being gay is sort of defined as being attracted to masculine traits. I don't think someone who looks like a woman, penis or not, fits into that category.

being gay is sort of defined as being attracted to masculine traits.

The only "masculine traits"gay men are consistently attracted is actually being male.

It doesn't really matter what their physical or personality traits are; gay men are attracted across the range. Some like big burly guys, some delicate, "camp"guys etc.

In any case my point throughout the thread has not been based around whether ops dh is gay or bisexual.

I don't know what he really is -other than one of the group of men who identify as heterosexual while being aroused by and interested in transexual "women", who are in fact men. (I've yet to see a transexual "woman" in porn who doesn't have intact male genitals).

Whether op is comfortable with that orientation/fetish in her partner is up to her.

Whether he limits it to fantasy/porn and will continue to do so is another issue.

Personally I'd advise op to see how far his "interest" goes so as not to get poke-axed by something retrospective of in the future.

*pole-axed

I don't think someone who looks like a woman, penis or not, fits into that category

Like other posters, I have to winder if you've seen transexual porn.

A man with implants and his penis and testivkes flapping/bouncing up and down while having sex on top doesn't look like a woman.

He's got make up on, hair in a "feminine" style, usually wearing lingerie etc but he doesn't look like a woman.

I'm just laughing at "looks like a woman, penis or not" ... This should be on the feminist trans threads.

The existence of a penis kind of contradicts looking like a woman.

Most transmen don't pass as women clothed, so they must definitely don't when they're naked or semi naked. As above I've yet to see a transexual in porn who's had gender reassignment surgery. For many viewers the whole fetish/novelty/frisson is the appearance of breasts and penis & testicles.

(on the same person).

I think I would snoop for a bit. It's a bit more than a kink for example liking WOMEN with big/small breasts.

I'd need to see what my DH was really looking at and how often. Bright side is be could've been looking at much worse. Take some time to think it over OP. And have these

Don't stress over it, there was probably something in the scene or whatever that turned him on for a few minutes.
If there's no problems in the relationship, just let him have that little kink

I totally would be freaking out over the type of porn too.

@Sandals19

I'm just laughing at "looks like a woman, penis or not" ... This should be on the feminist trans threads.

The existence of a penis kind of contradicts looking like a woman.

Most transmen don't pass as women clothed, so they must definitely don't when they're naked or semi naked. As above I've yet to see a transexual in porn who's had gender reassignment surgery. For many viewers the whole fetish/novelty/frisson is the appearance of breasts and penis & testicles.

Right I'm a woman who's seen this kind of porn, and yes they absolutely do look like women! Almost unbelievably convincing, just with a penis.

The appeal is the idea of a woman having a penis. That's why people watch this genre. Because they look like "real" women.

Anyway, he mighty be bisexual, might not. I'm sure there's plenty of straight men who like the taboo ness of shemale porn, i wouldn't be bothered unless I had reason to be in the relationship itself.

Was the shemale having sex with a man, or a woman? If the shemale was having sex with a woman then surely that's less gay than watching a normal blokey man having sex with a woman?

I think we all need to see the video and take notes, then we can take a vote on whether it was straight, bit gay, gay gay or super gay.

Apparently this is quite a common thing to watch, dh has told me that a couple of his friends have admitted to this being their preferred porn. I dont think it necessarily means hes gay. Wouldn't really bother me. I've (albeit very rarely) looked up all kinds of weird shit out of curiosity too and this could be similar.

I will add legal weird shit by the way, like hermaphrodites or something i want to see the logistics of. I'll get my coat.

@Sandals19

I'm just laughing at "looks like a woman, penis or not" ... This should be on the feminist trans threads.

The existence of a penis kind of contradicts looking like a woman.

Most transmen don't pass as women clothed, so they must definitely don't when they're naked or semi naked. As above I've yet to see a transexual in porn who's had gender reassignment surgery. For many viewers the whole fetish/novelty/frisson is the appearance of breasts and penis & testicles.

I've seen plenty of transwomen in porn that pass pretty well. I've also seen plenty of "shemale" porn that was just a woman with a convincing prosthetic penis. I don't think many people are primarily physically attracted to genitals. Buck Angel has a vagina but wouldn't be appealing to very many heterosexual men.

Right I'm a woman who's seen this kind of porn, and yes they absolutely do look like women! Almost unbelievably convincing, just with a penis.

If you think anyone with a penis & testicles (that's obviously exposed in porn) looks like a woman, is worry about you.

The appeal is the idea of a woman having a penis.

No, because a woman can't and doesn't have a penis.

They are men with breast implants, perhaps taking hormones, groomed, made up to look like women and wearing (if any clothes) lingerie. They can only have anal sex.

I'm not sure if the men who are aroused by this tell themselves that they are women with penises or that they're "feminised/sissy" men, with implants. I'm not sure what the turn on is for them. Perhaps their perception and turn on varies.
Regardless that fetish is not one many women would be comfortable with- and that is completely understandable.

(By many women, I obviously mean women who discover that fetish in their partner).

a couple of his friends have admitted to this being their preferred porn.

Are they in relationships with women?
If so, are they aware of it?

I don't think many people are primarily physically attracted to genitals.

But when watching porn it's not entirely about attraction is it. Porn is extremely genital based/focused - for lack of a better way if putting it.

I only really have ever looked at porn involving women, however I’m generally not attracted to women in real life. I just don’t enjoy dick and male centric porn, which seems more likely to focus on the guy‘s experience. I suppose if you’re watching something like that you might be identifying with the people in it? Maybe he enjoys the idea of him cross dressing more than actually being attracted to men? Or maybe it’s just interesting on the basis of its novelty or because dressing as a woman would be taboo (for him) and therefore exciting?

@StopSquirtingBleachOnCaneToads

I agree with a PP.
Its just the type of porn to watch. Sometimes something catches your eye right? 😂

I wouldn’t worry over it.
If you’re both open about porn then probe (hic) him about it.

I feel a bit better today, thanks all.

Bit of a dripfeed but I had a porn addicted ex who would watch at any available opportunity and sometimes make me watch, some dark stuff too. However he was an abusive cunt of a man and DH could not be more opposite, so I really don't begrudge him what he's doing. I think it was more a shock than anything else.

I had a bit of a realisation - we watched Pose not so long ago, and both commented on how beautiful a particular trans woman was (she really is stunning) - perhaps just piqued his curiosity a bit?

He could be looking at much worse. Our relationship is fantastic so I'll let it lie (unless he pulls out a strap on or something 😂).

@Usernameok123

I feel a bit better today, thanks all.

Bit of a dripfeed but I had a porn addicted ex who would watch at any available opportunity and sometimes make me watch, some dark stuff too. However he was an abusive cunt of a man and DH could not be more opposite, so I really don't begrudge him what he's doing. I think it was more a shock than anything else.

I had a bit of a realisation - we watched Pose not so long ago, and both commented on how beautiful a particular trans woman was (she really is stunning) - perhaps just piqued his curiosity a bit?

He could be looking at much worse. Our relationship is fantastic so I'll let it lie (unless he pulls out a strap on or something 😂).

Very wise. One of the many things I've learned in our 30 years together is always to avoid giving an instant response to problems and issues. Much better to think things over and only say something when you are sure it really is a problem and you have thought about how best to raise it with you DP. Instant responses often make small problems into big ones IMO.

Tonnes of straight men and some straight women like lesbian porn, many straight women like gay male porn... It doesn't tend to mean they want to be a different gender or sex or to have a different sexuality, it just turns them on watching it. What's the difference really?