Dating Thread 198 - FOMO is a real thing

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Fear of missing out @carreterra

@LongtimelurkerL I would ask him straight. He sounds shy so you may as well ask him straight, just to get the ball rolling!!!

@Ruralbliss have a great time with Mr Geog!

Went for my socially distanced walk with Mr Yoga which was really lovely. The infamous card turned out to be one he had made and it was super cool and all about me! We did struggle with staying far apart but followed the rules, not even a kiss. There was temptation when we left each other but we decided it wasn't a good idea. I was thankful we stood fast as later he got a message saying a colleague's wife had been sent to hospital with covid, 35, no prior conditions plus really healthy. I'm hoping his parents get the vaccine so we can be closer somehow!

Just had a thought @LongtimelurkerL may or may not be relevant so putting it here in case it is.

Ages ago I went on a date with an interesting 24 yr old (I know! I was 46 at the time)

Afterwards during a text exchange out of the blue he said 'I forgot to ask are you sub or dom or can you switch?'

I had to tell him I had no clue as to what he was referring and had to Google it and had no idea whether I was one or the other.

Later when I was in a relationship with my longest post marital romance one day he did something which was a bit out of the blue and definitely more dom and I was hugely into it.

So I took from that and further things that have happened along the way that I personally am a big fan of the bloke I'm with 'taking charge' - hence probably now I come to think of it why the glib 'tonguing down' terminology

Anyhoo. I'm fairly certain your iron is not that kind of guy. Are you ok with this as if things progress I'm making a wild assumption here that he may not be that 'confident' physically in other scenarios.
I may be wrong of course. Only one way to find out
Just putting this view forward in case it hasn't occurred to you.

No @DudeFromThatLondon there is no way he could have taken my quip (about the wedding being off) literally as there was no wedding and I put loads of too for extra obviousness

Thanks @Eesha yeah I think I’m just going to hope for another walk and then ask for a kiss/get a kiss etc etc

Sounds like an awesome card! Lucky you!! And very scary about the healthy colleagues wife.

@Ruralbliss are you saying he might be more submissive more generally sexually etc? It’s possible - if I’m being honest whilst sex is important to me I’m hoping for a long long term relationship and so the other stuff is important - I’d like him to be my best friend etc. We shall see if it even gets that far

And worth pointing out once again as proven today with our differences in initial messaging styles and preferences - we are all different and different things in other people can be a turn off for one person, nothing to note in another and a massive positive fir yet another.

@Eesha oh wow the card was handmade what a thoughtful thing.
Bloody hell though being forced to not touch each other at this early stage. Awful but very well done both of you especially with that distressing news of a hospitalised healthy 35 yr old.

Great you are letting it roll forward as seem like a good match & let the conversation about him wanting to be a father be parked for now

I'm half hoping I don't find MrGeog attractive tomorrow else will be in a tricky situation re kissing and risking infection.

Ok now as both have seen no-one over Cmas but as time rolls forward and he has public facing role. What will happen if we want to see each other again. Will be like you @Eesha forced to look but not touch or like @LongtimelurkerL with handsfree walking dates.

Anyway I'm getting wayyyy ahead of myself.
Just wondering whether or not to paint nails for the date. I think yes. I've never not painted nails before a date so best for it for this one too but all likelihood is hands will not come out of gloves.

longtimelurkerl it sounds to me that you're making very good foundations to a good relationship. I doubt he didn't want to kiss you as no way would someone keep braving these conditions to walk round with someone if they weren't interested in them. Walking dates don't lend easily to flirting, contact, kissing etc- why I hate them probably 🤣

Well I think I spoke too soon with MrTatts. After lots of lovely messaging new years eve night and into the morning (I was asleep) hes definitely cooled off. Oh well. I sent the last message a few hours ago and not read yet so will archive the chat. I'm still in contact with Mr fire and mr engineer who still both want to meet once possible

ruralbliss definitely paint the nails regardless. I still shave my legs for dates even when I know they won't be coming out. Its just part of the getting ready 😁

@Ruralbliss - ah yes, that would definitely suggest you’re not being entirely serious. 😂

@ruralbliss definitely paint your nails. I always dress to the nines and am completely preened etc 'just in case'.

Yup, social distancing is shit. I wasn't this careful last May when dating Mr Drunk but now everything feels scary. My friend waited 18hrs for an ambulance. The way I look at it is all this time spent not touching Mr Yoga means I can focus on looking hot hot hot for when we can finally kiss again!

Found you

Saw MrTall again last night, I'm definitely getting the feels for him and I think I'm in too deep for what we are... which is FWB's with ' let's see where it leads' added on. We've had no talk of exclusivity, but it's probably too soon for that especially considering where we met.

I've had niggling doubts all day today but I'm not sure if that's a bit of self sabotaging trying to kick in. He's not done anything wrong, I guess the only red flag is that he is not long separated from his exW, and was on fab to "have lots of sex with lots of women" (his words).

@LongtimelurkerL You probably won't need to be too blatant - I always struggle with knowing when to make the first move, but I remember with Miss H she kind of grabbed my sleeve and looked up at me as we said goodbye at the station, and that was all I needed.

You could just do what I've done before, and simply say that it's a shame he had to run for the train, as you were hoping for a goodbye kiss at the station.

Well, I've just had a really nice video date with Miss Polo - she'd been busy with work stuff during the day so hadn't been in touch earlier. I've just messaged her to say I had a lovely time, and would like to "see" her again - so fingers are crossed she felt the same.

@30somethingandstillsingle

Are you taking advantage of the lack of exclusivity too - even chatting with others (you may not need to meet especially given current conditions) could make things a bit more emotionally relaxed for you?

I used to be really funny about keeping myself “faithful” as soon as I met someone and there was a glimmer of connection (hangover of religious upbringing? )

but after a while I’d just get frustrated - feeling like I’d voluntarily “sacrificed” other options for them so they should be perfect for me/immediately satisfy all my emotional needs and it never worked out that way. So I’m trying to take things more at face value right now

@30somethingandstillsingle if my experience with fab is anything to go by, he won't be having lots of sex with lots of women unless you're dating Brad Pitt or George Clooney

@30somethingandstillsingle, what can you gauge from how he is with you ?

God I miss kissing.

I wouldn't read dom or otherwise into it. I've been the one taking the initiative on the past, also been on the receiving end and sometimes it's been just looking at each other in that way and both easing into it.... God I miss kissing.

You could also channel Phoebe in Friends lurker - 'so, are you ever going to kiss me?' Maybe he's waiting for the perfect moment? Just stop walking, stop talking, face him and look in his eyes a bit longer than you normally would.... Did I mention I really miss kissing?

@SleepyBunk yes, I'm still chatting to others, but I don't really have any inclination to, I'm just doing so to try and not become overinvested with MrTall.

@TheCatWithTheHat Ha, that is true!  but he's done ok for himself in the relatively short time he has been on there!

@Onesmallstep67 when he's with me it's fantastic, he makes me feel like the most important thing in the world, in a good way, he says and does all the right things. Can't fault him at all.

In the absence of kissing, I'm getting my kicks from Arsenal returning to form 🤣

Oh dear @WeWantTheFinestWines - I do too!!

@TheCatWithTheHat and @30somethingandstillsingle ooo that sounds good for both of you

[quote TheCatWithTheHat]@30somethingandstillsingle if my experience with fab is anything to go by, he won't be having lots of sex with lots of women unless you're dating Brad Pitt or George Clooney [/quote]
I'm surprised to hear this- it seemed as though everyone was going at it! lots of friends and 'veris'.

I found it overwhelming and not for me...

I miss kissing too. I've been here nearly 3 hours and not one kiss.
Mr P picked me up, took me to sainsburys and I cooked us dinner.
I've given him a huge hug as he says he still feels sad but chat is minimal. He has finished his dinner and was just lying on the other sofa while I sit on one. We used to sit together

In fact im able to type this because his phone just rang and he answered it and has taken it upstairs!!
He would never have done that a couple of weeks ago, or would have apologised said who it was and something like I have to get this etc.
Fuck

Lovely, shiny, new thread. Hi everyone!

I’m sorry @Clovertoast it really does sound like this relationship is dead in the water.
It took me a year of reflecting on what went wrong between my exh for me to finally realise that he was a very unhappy man and that it was never my job to make him happy. All I could see when we were married was that I was losing myself and had to get out. He was coercive in that he would imply that if I did this, that or the other he would be happier. It never worked because he had to make himself happy I never could. Sometimes you need some distance in order to be able to see what is under your nose and really quite obvious.

I think I may have figured Bumble out. I have been keeping my profile on snooze while I chat to one iron at a time. I find that when I unsnooze it the first profile it shows me is always a match. Of course this only works if I want to swipe right on the first profile and also assumes that I am unsnoozed for long enough for someone to swipe on my profile 🤔.

Oh clovertoast 😔 what are you getting from this? He had you over because he was sad and lonely, not because he wanted to see you, and to top it all made you cook for him too 🤦‍♀️ I hope those rose tinted glasses have not only fallen from your eyes but smashed into pieces

@Clovertoast I feel for you because I think it's very clear that you have strong feelings for Mr P and have been concentrating solely on him for a good chunk of time. You must be feeling sad and confused. I am useless at taking a step back because I hate living in that state of uncertainty. But it seems he's making little or no effort with you. Maybe some space will allow him the opportunity to miss you. Could you find the words to tell him how difficult you are finding things with him at the moment ? What I would be hoping to hear is that he realises how he's behaving and that how it might be difficult for you Ideally he'd say that of course he cares about you but right at the moment he's not got the wherewithal to deal with everything. I've had some pretty tough times but I don't think I was ever sulky and self indulgently distant.

Hey @Clovertoast 👋
How did it transpire that you cooked for him tonight? Why didn't he go to store before he got you & cooked you a meal? (I've been there myself with my ex iron who was depressed and mainly because I was foodie & good cook and he wasn't)

Keep observing his actions (or lack of) and logging how you feel about him/it.

Sounds totally pants though and you deserve to have good times, be appreciated and kissed and meals cooked for you and delighting in one another's company.