Dating Thread 198 - FOMO is a real thing

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Dancerinthemoonlight
Perfect job opportunities then😁

@eesha he blocked me. then unblocked me a few days later to apologise for some stuff but then blocked me again. He is allowed I guess, we would suggest blocking someone on here if it was causing u issues. Just seems a bit unnecessary, but In the past I have annoyed him. wouldn't have this time. I think I know there is no point forcing it.

yeah I probably will at some point. I just remember it was a lot of work for little result sometimes.

has your iron been in touch at all?

@crazycatlady20 im always a bit dubious about blocking. I've never blocked anyone and feel like it's too rash an action when one can just ignore instead. I don't think it's a great sign in any relationship. You can do better than this person.

Ironically just as I had gotten used to the idea of not hearing a thing, Mr Yoga sent me a note this evening. He apologised for not being in touch and that he was struggling with his autism, communication was hard and that he needed to hide away from the world a bit. I haven't responded but it was as i expected. I knew something was going on that was bigger than this.

@WeWantTheFinestWines i was wondering when dating will go back to normal. My friend was saying people will be out at sex parties as soon as lockdown is lifted (he's a swinger). But Boris is saying the summer. I haven't been out in such a long time now but I just feel covid is so much closer to home and I can't afford to get sick as a single parent. All I feel is people will be aching to meet someone after this long period of lockdown and will be much more serious about dating.

@eesha yeah you could be right but I guess it's up to him. I have blocked a few but mainly people I don't know very well.

oh that's a hard one. at least he has been in touch to try and explain. it's hard when people pull away, even if it is to deal with something. I have no advice, I'm not really that great at the whole relationship stuff 😕

Feeling down this evening.not sure what's going on with iron - oh well time will tell!

@Bluezoo123 why?

Just all had pretty much felt good for first few months and now some niggles setting in. Usually consistent in communications but has been radio silent for last few hours....

@Bluezoo123 its only a few hours, could he be busy on other calls etc?

Just feel like crying tbh. Sick of giving of myself to everyone over the years and never gets me anywhere! That coupled with ongoing frontline job and homeschooling challenges from day to day and I'm just feeling a bit sensitive right now I think!

Sorry blue...I've learnt the very hard way when things feel off and wrong they normally are. I'm a prime example for making excuses etc but I'm sure we can sense it. Hope you are okay.

And hi crazycat I remember you and I'm sorry about your iron 😔

I'm sure you can do better though...hope you are okay too.

Thanks @bangheadhere40 yes I think you may be right. Will see what emerges over next few days...

Has anything like this happened before blue or just completely out of the blue?

@Eesha, I am happy to hear that he has been in touch. I'm glad that your instincts were correct. This at least makes it not a ghosting. Now to see what the next few days bring.
@crazycatlady20, sorry to hear that you have been having a rough few days. It doesn't make it easier but life is very topsy-turvy at the moment. It may be that this iron isn't for you and has gone but you have us to chat to and offload when needed. It's always good to get stuff out of your head I find.

No not re comms - has always been consistent. Just a few 'off' comments past few weeks. Have now received comms but spidey senses are still kicking in.we'll see!

Things are going well with MrTall, we are enjoying getting to know each other and living in the moment rather than thinking too far ahead (he's only been separated from his ex for 4/5 months )
But, he's just revealed that it's his birthday tomorrow! We are meeting on Sunday but I don't know what the right thing to do is?! Do I get him a present? A card? A bottle of something? I feel like I should do something...

I went for a dog walk today with Mrdogowner. It was really nice, talked lots and got on well. He asked if we could do it again and messaged not long after getting home to say thanks for the nice walk. We've messaged a lot this evening too. I'd like to go again. I'm not physically attracted to him, but the only person I've gone out with who I was actually attracted to didn't have much to say
and difficult to be with, hard work, so I'm not bothered about that. He was ok, not ugly, but I'm much more interested in how people are these days, personality etc.

MrC back early next month. Thank GOD it’s sort of sandwiched in between an interview and just after a big application.

I think I’ll aim for a very chilled out weekend with him would be nice to get into nature a bit together.

He’s booked himself for a another trip soon after and will want to see friends so I’m not going to over invest or try too hard , just enjoy seeing him getting some D

We sort of found a compromise routine over Xmas where he likes to watch tv/drink more than me so I have a tiny Virginia Woolf style “room of my own” home office and he brings me tea in it whilst watching man shit in the living room on his giant screen (without me rolling my eyes and saying “how can you watch that?).

MrMilitary also has an exam/assessment test thing next month - doubt we’ll be in touch much now

(that’s not a negative thing - we just don’t seem to have a lot to communicate about over text. It’s like we’re both techie types but I am a bit of a culture vulture and read lots so I find it’s like messaging a 14 year boy sometimes intellectually. Not that I send flirty messages to 14 year old boys !)

But then in person we’re like “separated at birth” level of connection as well as physically attracted so 🤷‍♀️)

I’ll drop him a random flirty cheerful message on his birthday in the spring. Which tbh I can’t wait for. Spring not his birthday I mean.

@30somethingandstillsingle glad things are going well with Mr Tall. My ex met someone within a couple of months of us splitting and has been on and off with her for 2.5 years now. So actually I think you can meet someone pretty soon after. It was well and truly over with us too.

Why am in not interested in the nice guys?!

Please someone tell me the psychology with this?

I've been sleeping with an iron the past couple of weeks. It's clear he's only after sex but why do I keep going back if I'm wanting more? Why do I think it'll be different with me? That he'll want more when I know deep down I'm just another number of his...

I've been in such a good place when I'm not dating but then I open myself up to this world and it's not too enjoyable.

I have nice guys message me and want to meet but I'm not interested!!

Nightmare!!

@Whoknows11 i guess you might like the challenge? I'm sure you'll get to a point where you realise enough is enough. I have a friend who feels the same way. Nicer guys bore her, she was married for years to a bloke who cheated all the time but I guess was what you would consider a bad, exciting bloke. I just know of my married friends, those that married nice, decent blokes, haven't got the wildest times but they have loving, supportive partners who are great dads etc. I'm sure some can have both but I would rather have that.

@eesha yes I'm sure you'ree right, it's the challenge I like. Hopefully sometime soon I'll get fed up of it all and my perspective will change! Because it's all quite exhausting!

I look at my friends who are married to lovely men and wonder why I don't have that but I guess it's because I'm not wanting that right now!

I reckon I'm in the beginning of a midlife crisis 🤣 I turn 40 this year and with this lockdown it's not helping my mindset!!

Did you hear back from the guy you've been dating?

@Whoknows11 i don't know your backstory but maybe you want excitement right now. There's nothing wrong with that if you can take it mentally. I would say my friend likes the idea of being the wife of this hot bad guy but he's never been faithful! She always wants to be the one to be the most amazing that it will change the man but actually they never change. Be careful with your heart!

Yes, I posted before I think, Mr Yoga messaged me last night to say sorry for not being in touch, that he was struggling with his autism and needed to hide away from the world for a bit. It's what I thought but was helpful to read it. I replied that I was there for him but I appreciated he needed space and to take that time. I'm not sure I'll hear from him now but I'm glad the air was a bit cleared. It's his battle I guess.

Hello everyone.
@Eesha I'm so glad Mr Yoga got in touch. Do you feel better ?

I've been reading and keeping up with you all but I suppose I felt embarrassed as I carried on seeing Mr P after everything that happened at the end of December.
We met up again and he told me that he had struggled over Christmas with his depression etc and he didn't want to give up on us etc.
So we've carried on seeing each other. I've been feeling anxious though because I know he has had doubts about us now and its left me on edge
Anyway, I saw him Thursday and stayed over. I thought we had a nice day, but I started to feel something was off when he didnt come up to bed for about 45 mins. He stayed downstairs on his phone. Then when I joked was he hoping I had fallen asleep it didnt go down well. We didnt sleep together either
I left early morning and he's been off since, barely texting.
I've asked him whats happening and hes text me back saying things aren't ok and he'll catch up with me later.

Eurgh. I just feel rubbish.
In my honest opinion I think he told the truth in December, he likes me but not enough. He's a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt me so hasnt told me , until now.
Is it terribly needy to text back and ask him to tell me now rather then hanging on all day feeling sick
I wish he'd just ripped the plaster off back at new year rather then this
And if it's not that, and its not even about me, why not just say ??