Dating Thread 198 - FOMO is a real thing

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Eesha not really, well I haven't done thus far. I suppose I could maybe when lockdown eases...

My walking date from the weekend sent a few messages but nothing now for two days so I've given up waiting.
It's just a strange time to meet people.
I was thinking about the date and how I nearly fell over when I got stuck in some mud and he just laughed and also when we got to the style and he bounced ahead to climb over ,whilst i was trying to pick my dog up and clamber over. Maybe covid aware or slightly selfish? Or just not into me probably!
Was fun though and when we got back to the cars I opened mine to go and he said let's keep going and do the other lake.i just dont get men these days 🤷‍♀️

Thanks for all the good wishes - the op went well, and she's back home with me now and all set to make a full recovery hopefully. I was getting rather stressed about the thought of something bad happening to her.

@TheCatWithTheHat glad to hear it went ok and hope she makes a speedy recovery :)

I probably shouldn't be posting on this thread anymore (not that I posted much anyway, but I'm not sure of the thread rules when you're in a relationship 😅) but I don't really have anyone I can talk about it with...I'm just having such a great time with Mr Chaos, he makes me feel so good about myself, I've always had rubbish self confidence etc and for the first time it feels like a proper connection, we're both so open and honest with each other it's refreshing!. I know it's early days and I shouldn't get too invested but I'm really enjoying his company :)
In fact for the first time ever I've just bought some proper lingerie he makes me feel confident enough to wear it!

I'll go back to lurking again now...🙈

@Jonsnowsghost that’s such a lovely update, the best kind. Thanks for sharing your happiness. You too @TheCatWithTheHat, I hope she had a good night.

@Jonsnowsghost really great update! Woo hoo!! Glad you are having chaotic fun!

Ha ha I'm having a lot of chaotic fun!

@bangheadhere40 i think activities might be quite nice only because one of my close friends met someone on a walking group thing around London. I figure others around you might have the same issues in terms of meeting people so there must be other stuff people have organised. Stay positive!

Got a query for people here. So I've been messaging this man off OKC, seems ok if maybe a bit 'basic'. Not many questions asked and he doesn't do much (but heck we're in a pandemic not much to do right now anyway).

He's replying to my messages but not sure if I'm bored.

There's another man I forgot to mention, I was on Bumble or Happen and we matched and he started to text me and has done so since before Feb lockdown, we planned to meet but what with one thing and another - he works the other side of London - not got round to that yet but 10 years younger.

And I joined Muddy Matches (not paying) - some man added me to their favourites - I look through their photos and the twat is a fox hunter!

Great update @Jonsnowsghost and good to hear @TheCatWithTheHat

@kerkyra I do agree with your unease there. I mean of course there’s no obligation for the guy to have to be “Mr chivalrous/gallant” just as he’s a man but surely you say something like “are you ok there/need a hand?” if the other person is struggling (Male or female).

Obviously everyone has different backgrounds/expectations when it comes to social etiquette but surely part of the mutual enjoyment on a date/social contact is being reasonably socially considerate.

@bangheadhere40 That’s a shame about distance. But hopefully it just takes one good connection. There’s often guys who are used to driving/travelling lots for work so they probably won’t be fazed. Or could you find some regular social thing in town and swipe when you’re there? I think with apps people instantly dismiss whereas they wouldn’t if they met FTF.

bangheadhere40 I can sympathise with the distant thing, being ten miles from a town myself. I'd love to meet someone in my village really as these days a trip to a supermarket is like a major day out and that's less than once a week these days.
I used to think travelling to see irons who lived 20 miles away was ok but now I'm like wow,that's miles away!
SleepyBunk I think my problem is I zero flirt whilst chatting before a meet. So all my chats are just friendly and I suppose I give off no signals I like them! I'm a soft person,i have a nanny job and work with the elderly but i think i need to let my barriers down with men. I'm avoidant?! Unless he just wanted a new walking buddy for the day and we went as 'mates'. Hmm,this has got me thinking.I used to be such a flirt but these days i am worried I'm leading them on or that I will be rejected again.
Dating just seems harder as I approach 50

I'm in touch with Mr drummer( poster from a while ago) and he has met someone in a running group and all happy so that's an idea for any thinking of joining one.

Lovely news about Mr Drummer, I remember him well. He once pointed out that ‘hurt people hurt people’, which inspired me to get some counselling to address my hurt so I could let myself be vulnerable again. I think it really worked and I’m very grateful.

@kerkyra thats nice news about Mr Drummer, it's good to hear positive news like that plus I think @Jonsnowsghost and @Notcoolmum and whomever else!

Thanks everyone...I think maybe hobbies are the way forward, or just hoping that there will be one out there who doesn't mind about distance.

@Eesha how are you doing today? I hope Mr Yoga has got back to you by now.

@bangheadhere40 Hi there, I bit the bullet and messaged this morning quite a nice, no pressure note. He did read it but nothing heard but he might be out for work ie cycling quite far. If I don't hear back today, then I'm guessing I've been well and truly ghosted. It will be pretty hard to deal with but I think I'll be ok. I do think if I can't pick up on a bad soul after 7 blissfully happy months together, I clearly have terrible intuition with men and I think I'd be terrified to do it again. I totally get why people just stay single after stuff like this. On the plus side, i have no appetite so I might lose some weight after this!

@eesha oh that's totally rubbish. How long is it that you've not heard from him for?

I hope he replies soon.....

@Whoknows11 we had this squabble Saturday night, then Sunday noon he sent a reply saying he had thought I had been having a go etc and how we should not talk rather than argue and 'take a few days. So today would be 4 days. I'm trying to stay positive and think that he will get back to me later today but who knows. But i guess if I know now that things are over, then at least I can make steps towards fixing my heart.

@Eesha, I truly hope that Mr Yoga doesn't ghost you. It would be very hurtful after you have made such a great connection. Let's hope that he's just struggling at the moment. Mr V did something similar around this time 12 months ago and it was horrible. We had about 6 weeks of little or no contact. I thought that would be the end of us but giving him some space worked, even though it was very difficult at the time. He said that when he's struggling he just retreats. So hopefully that is what Mr Yoga is doing. And the world is feeling extra difficult for lots of us at the moment.
@bangheadhere40, I think it was kind of suggested earlier but for the time being cast your net over a wider area. And maybe just go along with whatever chats spark your attention, even if they seem to be going in more of a friendship direction. Alternatively nail a sign to your gate and see what reaction you get from passers by

Did anyone listen to the Woman's Hour online dating piece with someone called Alex (man) who ended up speaking to one person he'd been on a dating walk with and then someone he'd connected with on Bumble etc?

An interesting piece but he said and I can quite agree with him, that meeting for a few walks in the park as dates means you can't go forward much etc, if that makes sense?

I certainly get the feeling from some men I message that yes they'd like to meet for walks etc but yes, they're also not sure as to how things could progress.

Funnily enough a close friend of men used to use Adult Friend Finder, she met a man for sex a couple of years ago, all very nice and then at the end of last year he got back in touch but to date (he seemed a nice man, just used the site), he's got teenage kids and is divorced and has his own place but they dated over lockdown and now he seems to be spending a lot of time at her place (WFH etc) and has met her mum and sister. All seems to be going well, she's looking to sell her property and move and he will more than likely move in with her. So there is light at the tunnel out there for people thinking there isn't!

@Onesmallstep67 thank you so much for sharing that story about Mr V, it really helps. I know Mr Yoga is struggling with his Aspergers and is trying desperately to get help through his doctors so I think there is a lot more to all this than a silly squabble we have had. That's why I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt a bit because my instincts feel there is more to all this. That's not to say I'll be chasing and begging him anymore now though. Whatever will be will be, and I've really done enough now to show I care about the relationship and him.

Can I tentatively join? Just registered on OLD for the first time and feeling quite nervous, but the first person I started talking to seems nice and also keen. How are you all handling dates in these strange times?

MissLI - I've just joined here the other day.

I'm not handling dates in these strange times. I seem to go and forward with people either trying to figure out where I live in relation to where they live. Right now I'm not keen on meeting anyone for a walk either!

I like the post idea onesmallstep. 🙂

I do cast my net wide already, but most men just politely reply I'm too far away.

Eesha I hope he does get back to you, I think you are doing really well.

Question for you all here - just got a message from a new man on OKC seems ok but gives lots of different for me saying they're for me and saying 'stay blessed'.

For some reason I'm a bit about this. Would you be the same or am I being cynical?!