Dating Thread 198 - FOMO is a real thing

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@TheCatWithTheHat Hope it goes well today with your cat

@thecatwiththehat I hope your cats operation goes well today and they have a quick and smooth recovery

@RhusTox that would all be a bit much for me, the hair thing would irritate me a little I think.

@TheCatWithTheHat good luck with your cat today hope that goes well!

I've got a walking date next week with someone who seems nice. I've also managed to fall into this 'friend' situation with someone I was seeing a few months ago off bumble. We hang out in a group (we are all expats) and he's very flirty, but when i mentioned I had a date he seemed to go cold on me and I've barely heard off him since! Is he just a head wreck wanting the attention and flirting? When I'm around him I'm attracted to him but I know he's no good for me, and I'm worried if he starts seeing someone else I won't be able to cope with that. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

@TheCatWithTheHat - fingers crossed for your cat. Hope it all goes well.

@TheCatWithTheHat hope all goes ok for you

@orzo15 why do you think he's wrong for you? He sounds like he likes you and you like him a bit. What's putting you off?

All ok here, just home schooling. The excitement! No word from Mr Yoga as yet. Feeling sad but reading up about autistic meltdowns/shutdowns and think this might be it. Will probably get in touch later this week and test the water. I miss him.

@Eesha when we were seeing each other he was super unreliable with meeting up. Then he told me he wanted to just be friends and then we spoke about it and he said he doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't want to feel tied down. So I think he like the flirting and me being attracted to him without wanting any commitment, if that makes sense?

@orzo15 oh then definitely i wouldn't bother as he has said what he wants, and that he seems to like the fun. I would concentrate on finding someone more available to you.

@orzo15, I would just take a big healthy step away from him. So far he's given you no indication that he can offer you any degree of commitment or to even see how things go. He doesn't want you ( or can't give you what you want ) but he doesn't like seeing you getting attention from others. A form of jealousy and control. I was in this position a while ago and it can mess with your head. Is it just socially awkward or is he properly under your skin ?

@orzo15 why do you think you won’t be able to cope if this flirty guy finds someone else? He’s just a bit of fluff, isn’t he? It may sting a bit but not for long. I would try hard to detach from him, avoid contact, tell yourself he’s a flake, and concentrate on finding what you really want.

@Ruralbliss I think blocking is wholly appropriate and maybe reporting through the site. We have to be very careful about our safety and he sounds like a nutter.

@SortingItOut sorry to hear about your Covid result. I hope you are ok and it continues to be mild.

Thanks all, I think if I could just not see him again there would be no issue at all. But as we are all expats, we are kind of in the same friend group now and I see him fairly regularly. So I can't just completely avoid him. And he's also the first guy I have fancied since I split with my about 18 months ago.

@Onesmallstep67 I guess he is under my skin a bit, but I know it's not a good situation for me. It doesn't help when I explain it to my hopeless romantic friends at home who say he clearly likes you. It is messing with my head a bit now

@orzo15 read mr unavailable and the Fallback Girl. H a no good if he messes you about and is unreliable. Watch he's just not that into you too!!

@orzo15 i get the impression he doesn't know what he wants either! I would try and discount what your friends say unless you know something for sure.

@orzo15, you will know the back story I presume to why he's not able to offer any commitment or consider dating. Is there any valid reason why you would want to compromise your own needs to accommodate his ? I understand the socially awkward bit as you are part of the same circle. And maybe his attention made you feel a bit alive and desirable again after your last relationship ended. I have been in that situation and I find it far too easy at times to let guys get under my skin. There are clearly other guys interested in you. It may be that because he's part of your social circle he will remain as an option but don't let him clog up your thoughts and prevent you genuinely being open to new possibilities with others. He is making himself unavailable to you so nip his hold over your attention in the bud whilst you can.

Saw someone on another post recommend this thread and though not actively dating right now thought I'd join.

So far last year had 2 potential boyfriends - 1 was a friend of a friend whom I'd probably met once or twice but knew of him. Had a few dates over summer last year, didn't work for me only partly due to the kind of guy he was, but no hard feelings on my part.

The other guy - messaged on Tinder - he had an appendix operation late last summer we finally met in October for a few walking/coffee dates and then a date in a pub for a meal. Seemed an ok guy but had a couple of dodgy views and then on our pub meal date after only 10-15 minutes started clumsily pawing me across the table and I just wasn't sure I wanted someone like that. Found out more about his character on that date too.

Have been in touch with an ex and also a guy from Tinder from winter 2019 - nothing happening there.

Am messaging a man on OKC - seems ok, been messaging him since second week in December and partly due to distance (he's in London and so am I but in different parts) haven't arranged to meet but he'd like to.

Funnily enough just going through OKC matches just now and appendix man's profile flags up on there too!

Am 100% off Tinder now - had a guy reel me in the other week with a lot of rubbish and turned out to be a tosser.

Welcome @CleverCatty

Welcome aboard @CleverCatty! It’s not the greatest time for dating but there’s always tips and a kind word or two on this thread.

@TheCatWithTheHat what a week for you, I hope your poor cat is ok.

@CleverCatty Welcome! Yes, we are all in this online dating mallarkey together....

@Eesha how are you? Have you heard anything from Mr Yoga? x

@bangheadhere40 Hi, I'm ok but no, nothing heard so it's been 3 days now since he said to 'take a few days'. I was planning to check in tomorrow maybe or even Friday. I'm psyching myself up for getting ghosted or dumped though.

Aw @Eesha I'm so sorry...you have done everything you can though, it really us his loss if so x

I went on pof tonight messaged 4 men each one said the same, I seem lovely but I'm too far away. For newbies I live in the middle of nowhere so not sure how I'm ever going to meet anyone bar moving.

@bangheadhere40 i would try all the sites in one go if location is going to be an issue, there's gotta be some single decent men more local!!!

Yes, I don't understand what's happened with Mr Yoga other than maybe this is more about his Aspergers than us. I'm wondering if he's scared to contact me after what happened. In any case, the sadness seems to have consumed me and I'm struggling to deal with it. I need to get my sensible hat on and think it just might not be meant to be. But the thought of not being with him makes me feel sick with sadness.

I understand, it's a horrible feeling 😞 you've done nothing wrong though, I don't have much constructive advice but hope you are okay.

Honestly I have tried various but get the same every time. I'm 1.5 hours from nearest city, there really is no one local to me who I like at all. I can't see how I'm ever going to meet anyone. I understand, LDR is not ideal and especially for men who have lots more choice.

@bangheadhere40 what about hobbies etc, sports, is there anything you can do in that respect to meet people? Walking groups?