Dating Thread 198 - FOMO is a real thing

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Get well soon  @SortingItOut

@LongtimelurkerL how is your scenario with Mr Nokiss? I was thinking perhaps it's the covid stuff which is making him anxious.

@Eesha I don't think anyone would think you were taking over the thread . I am glad to hear you have had a better nights sleep. Do what you need to do to deal with your situation with MrYoga. In case it didn't work out, you would know you gave it your all and will not be wondering why you didn't do this or that . You really are a lovely person . We would all like to support you

@Eesha we still message everyday, he mainly initiates and double texts etc etc -so I presume he's keen. I really don't think men do this with women that they just want as a friend. Maybe he would text but I don't think every day and I don't think he'd bother doing freezing cold walks.....maybe i'm wrong??

Think I will invite him to mine but will have to wait until i'm next childfree which isn't until the weekend of the 30th - he has never used dating apps before and has always been friends and then progressed to dating - perhaps he doesn't know how OLD works?

Perhaps OLD doesn't know how decent growth based relationships work @LongtimelurkerL Honestly the average OLD interaction should not be the bar.

I had same as you @SortingItOut from early December - kid that sits next to my son was off with it end of November and it took about two weeks before I was ill. Son was just tired and grumpy for a week or so but I was really wiped out for three weeks. I'm only just feeling energy levels back to normal in the last couple of weeks though still have the odd headache. Hope you can recover swiftly.

@LongtimelurkerL my feeling is you have something there, because you are in regular communication over these strange times. If you can somehow keep things going during this, then it's worth hanging onto.

Well quite @HairyArsedMan i'm not sure the bar of immediately having to kiss someone day one is that normal - it's just that OLD does seem to be all about the straight away spark/can't keep hands off each other thing.

I hope so @Eesha - early days and all that but perhaps we can get to a more normal arrangement when rules relax a little....

@sortingitout get well soon

@LongtimelurkerL, given everything that is happening at the moment I think your connection with Mr Longwalks should be treated as something lovely to focus on. If it's meant to be then it will happen. There are so many different degrees of relationship and connection with people and we seem to have plenty of variety of that on this thread.
@Eesha, you're consistently lovely and supportive of others please don't feel that you are ever monopolising the thread. I think it helps to share stuff on here specifically as many of us now know each other's back story etc.
@SortingItOut, hope you feel properly better soon. I was wondering where you had gone Hairy , I have missed your take on things. You can always be relied up to give a slightly different perspective and wise musings. Some of our other regulars have gone quiet. Hope everyone is staying well. I think it's a case of holding tight at the moment and focusing on getting through this as unscathed as possible. There are some very real and difficult losses being shared elsewhere on MN.

I will catch up on the thread movements later. Work is taking all my focus right now.

But just needed to share that I've done my first ever block on WhatsApp/phone of an iron I had a video call with on Sat night who was (during the call) pressurising me to meet but also saying some off putting things such as references to Hannibal Lector & referring to himself as the spider and I was the fly. Then getting all funny when I wouldn't tell him my surname with 'Well I'll be able to track you down with what I know about you anyway'

I feel so bad about blocking with no explanations as I'm usually such a too-nice people pleaser but I really didn't fancy him or like him and his house was the opposite of what I consider to be a nice looking pad.

Just couldn't be arsed to sugar coat the 'I'm not feeling it' message so took the plunge to do my first ever block

I can see he's messaged me from the dating app but I'm not inclined to read.

Am I total meany or am I well within my rights as a single woman to move away from anyone I'm not interested in with no further explanation needed?

@Ruralbliss I think that sounds fine given the circumstances - he sounds horrific! Usually don’t advocate blocking with no warning but in this case!!

@Onesmallstep67 oh yes certainly def a lovely connection - I just don’t want or need any more friends! I’m looking for a partner in all aspects of life!! Hope he thinks the same

@Ruralbliss gosh he sounds quite nuts! He seems to have been trying to appear seductive but Hannibal the cannibal isn't exactly a romantic image.....I think you did the right thing!

I had a first phone call with someone from Bumble at the weekend. He seemed good, very nice, handsome in some pics, seems to have great values but a few things put me off:

1. Sent me a pic of himself - just the one - with his 7yr old son in the background
2. Told me that he liked my (3) pics on the site and that he 'likes me best with my hair up'
3. Told me that he visits his family on another continent once a year and that I would be welcome to go with him if I liked to...

My gut reaction is that -

1. I don't want to see his kid, I know he exists but it's not for me to see pics of him yet.
2. I've never even met him, so wtf is he doing telling me the best way he likes me to do my hair?
3. TOO SOON. Way too soon.

Based on these, should I ditch him?

@Ruralbliss totally fine in that situation to block without an explanation. I have 57 blocked contacts of WhatsApp and a handful on my phone.

I had a call Sunday night with an aquantance that I met a few years ago on bumble and when I dared to disagree with him he went into brooding Mr Caribbean mode (named that because it's what he used to do) and apparently I'm being unrealistic to want a child after I am married, I should just get a boyfriend and start trying. It's unrealistic in this day and age. Not to mention the fact he tried to convince me he is single when his gf is all over his Instagram and he left his sons mother when she was pregnant.

I am tentatively on hinge and talking to a few potentials. One chat is going well and a few things in common but then he tells me he lives 100 miles away even though I had set it to 50. He is also allegedly 6ft 5

@RhusTox it would raise flags for me about number 3, feels a bit lovebomby! But wouldn't care about the rest. Depends what your gut feeling is.

Thanks @OneSmallStep67 I don't feel very wise. I think we can all imagine a scenario where we click immediately with someone on all levels but facing the reality of constructing a relationship with someone with faults, with our own faults - much more difficult. I'm out of circulation at the moment until (if ever) my current disillusionment passes and in no way want to weigh down the thread with it. I loved this post on the same subject (and really like the blog too) and it may be useful to others:

thehungoverwidow.com/disillusionment-its-whats-killing-middle-aged-dating/

I think it's a difficult one @ruralbliss. There's not one bit of me that wants to live in a world where people just get yoinked off the stage like that, even if they are plainly weird. I favour the gracious decline. But appreciate it's different for women - I think driving the conversation back through the dating site is a good way of giving a civil rejection and closing the dialogue with him. That gives the guarantee that if there is any dodgy comeback you can report him and get him out of circulation (for a bit). I guess it depends on whether you want to have to put up with a potentially nasty or even threatening comeback from him.

@RhusTox and @Dancerinthemoonlight they both sound a bit weird to me....

Thanks @HairyArsedMan I've just unblocked him and told him I went dark for the day as had a big day.

I agree with not furthering the culture of sliding away/ghosting without an actual explanation

And will work up the courage to say I'm dobbing out of dating as can't be arsed (true)

@SortingItOut I hope you get well soon

I saw on Fbook that my recent ex ghostly iron had CV19 so I messaged him and he started with a 'not too bad just like a cold' then got worse and worse and worse. Still not right now 3 weeks on. Rest up and take all the meds

@SortingItOut hope you feel better soon.

@LongtimelurkerL have you mentioned to your iron that you were hoping for a kiss? If not, maybe just say something and put it out there - he may just be being cautious, or shy.

This week has been very up and down. I had a nice walking date at the weekend - we'd been chatting for a few days, and we almost ended up kissing at the end of the date. It is really hard though isn't it! So unromantic.

We're talking about seeing each other again at the weekend, although not sure if that will happen as it seems things are getting worse.

I then found out that it's likely I'll be out of a job next month, which was a bit unexpected. And I've got to take my cat to the vet tomorrow for quite a major operation so I'm dreading that.

So all in all, 2021 isn't going quite as well as I'd hoped.

Oh no @TheCatWithTheHat- hopefully it can only go up from here! I sent the text about kisses in Dec but haven’t mentioned it since then

@TheCatWithTheHat I hope it all goes well at the vets today for your cats op.

@TheCatWithTheHat hope it goes ok at the vets

@TheCatWithTheHat
Sorry to hear your job is ending.
Hope your cat gets on ok today🤗

Thanks everyone for your messages.
Feeling slightly better every day [touches wood] although last night my wisdom tooth has decided to do its biannual attempt to come through☹