Dating Thread 198 - FOMO is a real thing

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@SleepyBunk it's one of my favourite films and would love to gift it to my bestie but don't know how on this digital age - would have bought dvd and posted in yesteryear.
What platform did you get it from please?

Had a lush phone date with one of my four Michaels last night but he revealed at the end he doesn't drive which is a bummer as have that as a big no no for me. Wont bin him off as seems so nice and funny and the right amount of manly and cool.

@Ruralbliss I was very nonfeminist and a bloke gave it to me (seem to have been some dodgy subtitles but don’t ask don’t tell )

I’d guess maybe you could go via Amazon or one of the download sites and do it as a gift card or something? Or get a code and send it to them?

I just think it’s a great message to anyone “seeking” love - it’s more about finding the emotional confidence to build things day by day in a messy complicated world than having a perfect man solve your problems.

And I think we’ve all been where Katerina is - not having enough to go forward in life and just giving up but trying to “play it cool cynical party girl” whilst being sad internally.

Plus the little side scenes and characters (the gibbon and the rude police officers) were hilarious!

But you wouldn’t have thought it was such a cracker at all from the advertising

Hi all. Anyone ever had anybody admit that they've had a lot of interest from the apps and that they're finding it overwhelming?

Not sure if he's being stupidly honest (turns out he's new to apps) or cynically being boastful 🤷‍♀️

Raised with new iron the lack of messages and this was his answer. I told him I had no idea what to say to that other than I had no intention of getting into some sort of pick me competition. He responded saying he didn't expect me to and maybe we should just meet as planned next week. So yesterday I decided I wouldn't message as noted it was only me messaging him and whilst he responded he hadn't ever been thinking to message me first and low and behold I didn't hear at all. I know we all chat to others, especially before meeting, but I can't shake the feeling that this is all just a big ego boost for him and no point meeting till he's played on apps for a bit after a long relationship anyway as generally stay away from new to apps people for this reason. So have archived chat and written it off.

seems fairly socially inept/emotionally immature @Slothmomma

To be fair I’m not a big pre-meeting messager though - once the date is set I prefer to just stick to it and confirm just beforehand rather than trying to connect over messages? Especially first FTF meet - if you don’t hit it off in person it’s then really awkward afterwards feeling you’ve spilled your guts to someone you don’t want to see again.

Both my irons have tried to coax me into messaging more at times - but it’s really nothing to do with how much I like them in person or not.

I think the “too much attention” reply was pretty crass and hurtful though.

I mean we’re all aware everyone is multiple dating but no need to play mind games...

@Slothmomma I would say he was just being refreshingly honest, but yeah he’s clearly not at the right stage for you, too busy in the sweetie shop after a long relationship.

@Ruralbliss why does he not drive? I became wary of this after Mr Cat, who didn’t drive (not a problem as we were both in walking distance of the same train line). I finally googled his name: he had been disqualified for three years for drink-driving!

sleepybunk yes I get that some prefer not to message much and thats fine - thats why I asked and if he'd said what you have that would have been just fine. Just never have anyone say "ill be honest I've had more attention from the site than I ever could have imagined. Dont know whether I'm coming or going". I genuinely took that as - you'll have to get in the queue 🤣 but like I said, not a game I'm prepared to play

@Slothmomma, that genuinely could be either of the scenarios that you suggested. He may be fresh to the apps and not know what's hit him. Or on the other hand a stealth boast. You've done the right thing. Let him come back to you now. @Ruralbliss
I am pretty sure I recorded " Last Christmas " from Sky when it was on. Do you think your friend won't have seen it?

@Slothmomma one of the best phrases I learnt from here was the 'pick me' game! Definitely don't play it here. Your iron is just being honest so let him enjoy the fun but you are right to archive and move on. Mr Yoga and I were friends early on and he disappeared and told me later that it was a kid in a sweetshop thing for him initially. As we weren't anything romantic, I was ok with it as was more engrossed in Mr German (if anyone remembers, he was charming and lovely but ghosted me before meeting!).

Sorry for being MIA! Been manic with school.....ok tips needed - do I approach the first kiss by
A) explicitly asking ‘id like to kiss you now’ or similar
B) quick peck on cheek when sitting close-ish
C) something else???

Anyone read the thread 'I don't want breakfast in bed' on mumsnet today, Yikes!!!

@LongtimelurkerL I'd say 'didnt you want to kiss me now?'

@LongtimelurkerL ‘shall we try a kiss now’?

@Eesha, I have to step away from those kind of threads. Sometimes I read and think that many of the posters must either have had a very bad experience with their partners or they actually have a pretty low view of men. I won't divert the theme of this thread but some people get very angry about things I wouldn't really react to - or certainly post about to elicit others' opinions. Some make me laugh, others make me shake my head in disbelief.
@LongtimelurkerL, carpe diem ! Don't get hung up on it and spend the whole date waiting for the moment but if it feels right go for it- even if this time it's only a goodbye kiss. Then you have something to follow up.

@Eesha

Anyone read the thread 'I don't want breakfast in bed' on mumsnet today, Yikes!!!

I have read through and I thought like you yikes indeed

@LongtimelurkerL if you hug goodbye, then go straight in , then it will feel a bit natural. Otherwise like PP have said , ask or suggest it .

Off to find that thread.
Have been reading but can’t find the motivation to post as life is just so claustrophobic and boring at the moment at home all the time working and homeschooling.
Still messaging Mr TG every day, haven’t seen him for a couple of weeks but we are meeting today for a walk as I’m in his town for an appointment so that will be nice if a little less than I’d like 😬
My ex has also chosen this time to be super busy in work meaning he can’t take the kids until the end of the month so can’t meet properly until then, so a cold walk will have to do until then:)
Sorry I’m so moany, I know everyone is in the same boat, it’s just been a looonnnggg tough week!
Happy Saturday and if anyone is going on dates even cold walking ones, enjoy 😊

@Mayzee hope your date went well!

@Onesmallstep67 that thread was so bizarre, some posters were scary! The man makes breakfast and they say he is being underhand with his kindness!

Hope everyone is doing ok. It's tough times out there. One of my friend's dad is on his last breaths tonight with covid and another friend's mum is in a coma. Everything is feeling very claustrophobic and so much closer to home. On the positive side, I know more who have had the vaccine. It's very rough out there and I'm trying my best to stay positive. Mr Yoga and I will give this zoom dating another shot next week.

I loved the ‘muppetry rather than malice’ idea on the breakfast in bed thread though. Too often we ascribe malicious intent to people when in fact they’re just being muppets: clumsy, a bit selfish and a bit lazy. That’s not to say clumsy, lazy and selfish behaviour is justified of course, but seeing the weakness and humanity in a partner and ourselves makes it easier to sit down with them to analyse behaviour and get an improvement, I would say.

@Eesha yes it’s a really tough time right now, I’m literally hunkered down in my den, with my DD and dog, not even going to the shops if I can help it and leaving the house only to run/walk the dog. No TV or radio, only talk to DDs, DF and Mr GN on the phone. Car is mouldering on the drive. Total hibernation. It’s not forever, but the last thing I want to do is in any way make the struggle facing NHS and other services any harder, so I’m staying home.

Appropriate meme from last year!

I’ve done a shit run-walk thing and about to stew some fruit and then do some sewing.

Not quite come down from stress of interview preparation for yesterday. So tired today but need to do stuff and exercise as that makes me feel better

Good luck @LongtimelurkerL and anyone else managing a cold and chilly meet

So sorry Easher to hear about your friends parents. I cant imagine the pain they're going through.
My sons boss has just lost his father to it,aged sixty. The grandad in his eighties also caught it and was very ill but survived. It's a very cruel disease.

I have a walk tomorrow with someone from tinder. My first old date in over a year,yikes!
We both love history and found a place in the middle of us where the elephant man used to stay! Honestly,lockdown and homeschooling is sending me a bit mad and I need light relief so we are going to search for any clues,like a tree bark with old initials inscribed on it 😄 that's what leaving the house once every ten days for a food shop does to you. I found an old coin in my wall and he likes metal detecting..so what could go wrong !

Sorry to hear about your friends parents eesha. My mom is frontline NHS and has thankfully now had the first jab.

sleepybunk I've pulled out my sewing box too. Hoping concentrating on some hand sewing will stop my constant lockdown overeating 🤦‍♀️

kerkyra hope the date goes well

Oh and got a new iron too that I'm chatting with- now moved to whatsapp. Seems nice and bonus that local. Will try and think of a name if he sticks around

I've started what seems as a dom dating situation. Thing is I know it's just sex but how do I stop it from being anymore? He's not keen for us to date others but isn't looking for a relationship, well currently although he says things might change.

Anyone else think this is confusing?

@Whoknows11 I think it should be up to you. If he doesn’t want a relationship but doesn’t want you to see others - smacks of mixed messages.
If you want to avoid getting too invested and want to find someone who is into a relationship then you could see others.
But I know when I’m seeing someone (and having sex!) I can’t see anyone else irrespective of how things might go!

Had a lovely catch up with Mr TG. We had a coffee in my car and then a walk, then back to the car for more coffee and chats and loads of kissing 😽- I so wish it could have gone further and we both left frustrated but happy to see each other.
Roll on the end of the month when we can hopefully have a sleepover and scratch that itch!
Getting to the smitten stage rapidly 😯