Dating Thread 198 - FOMO is a real thing

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@ThisTooShallBe I think it's more that SJP is meant to awful in real life!!! However each getting 1m each per episode must be good!!

MrC called and good chat though there is definitely a tone of him being more corono-wary right now -

I think we’re now at the stage where most people know someone who has caught it so it’s getting closer to home.

Even if it’s not a health issue, the consequences for employment etc if you have to self-isolate and take ten of your colleagues with you/get work shut down is serious.

Or if he has to self isolate and he can’t travel/get back on a ship then he misses a big chunk of work/pay/doesn’t look good to the office.

He wanted cute photos (I played hard to get and didn’t send him any last two weeks )

@ThisTooShallBe

I loved Samantha’s zest for life, values and attitude and feminism - though sadly I learned in my 20’s it’s often hard to replicate that in mainstream society unless you’ve got a really naturally bolshy tough personality!

Ps

Is it just me getting the mumsnet lovehoney ad top of this thread? Talk about subtle product placement with many of us missing irons !

60% off might check it out

@SleepyBunk it gets easier to be bolshy as you get older - people expect it of you!

@ThisTooShallBe 👌

Yup. Yup. Yup. Routinely talk over entitled male colleagues, don’t even bother saying ‘I’m speaking’ 😊

@Onesmallstep67 I'm dedicating quite a lot of time to dating, but only as there's not much else to do at the moment. I still speak to friends a reasonable amount on WhatsApp, so it's not replacing them. Even in non-covid life, I don't see my friends that often anyway as they're mostly busy with family life, or have moved away.

@DudeFromThatLondon I think walking dates are just really tough settings. I'm sure it's not impossible for it to lead to more, but it's just making something that's quite hard anyway, even harder. But it's still (slightly) better odds than sitting at home alone, so I'm going to keep persevering.

I think I was feeling especially down a couple of days ago, but I'm not doing too badly all things considered. It's sometimes easy to slip into self-pity mode, especially after yet another rejection.

In hindsight though, all 3 of my walking dates weren't really what I'd be looking for long term, so I think I just need to focus on that rather than them not liking me in that way. I just want to meet someone who fancies me - it's not too much to ask is it?

I'm also finding myself thinking about Miss H a bit too - I was hoping we could keep in touch as friends, but although she's always quick to respond and chatty when I message her, it's always me who initiates contact, so maybe I'm better off just leaving it.

On my Sunday date, we ended up at a place my ex took me to for my birthday a couple of years ago - I'm quite sentimental, so it was a bit strange being back there thinking back to that day.

I may have another walking date arranged soon with Miss Castle, who I've been chatting to the last couple of days, but a couple of other provisional dates have said they'd prefer to wait until the virus is a bit more under control.

Good luck with your interviews @Dancerinthemoonlight and @SleepyBunk

Also has anyone heard from @Clovertoast ? Hopefully everything's ok with her.

Long time lurker here!
Decided to finally join in (lockdown boredom maybe).

So question to the fabbers (which I discovered through reading this ). How do you balance more traditional dating alongside fab? I seem to either engage with fab and ignore other OLD - or go off fab and try traditional.

thecatwiththehat ^"but it's just making something that's quite hard anyway, even harder"^ you've hit the nail on the head there - that's how I feel about walking dates but they seem to be a means to an end at the moment - although I've never had a second date as a result of them 🤷‍♀️

Mrtatts definitely ghosted and I didn't hear again. I had a phone chat with a new iron last night but I wasn't feeling it. Hes a few years older than me but sounded older than my dad on the phone - I know I wouldn't fancy him. In addition he seems to want more than I'm willing to give (marriage, living together etc) so I sent him a nice message after saying we weren't suited - he replied trying to convince me I was wrong 🤦‍♀️ haven't heard today though

Chatting with another iron who i like the look of but he isn't a prolific messager. He wants to meet for a walk next weekend (when I'm free) so I don't know whether he's just light on comms until we meet or whether he's not that fussed 🤔

@TheCatWithTheHat it sounds like you are giving people a chance which I think is great. Maybe you are missing Miss H more because things aren't going swimmingly datingwise. Keep putting yourself out there.

@Madeforthebeach why is it an issue? Why not see where you feel the spark, ie someone from Fab or a normal traditional site? See who floats your boat. Im sure there will come a time where you like one person more than others and want to focus on them regardless of the site.

@TheCatWithTheHat - yes I know what you mean re walking dates, I don't mind them actually but not sure I'd class them as a date. It's just meeting someone new and making an effort with them, which can't be a bad thing however it turns out. I wonder if people are also unconsciously setting the bar a bit higher given the extra risk associated with pandemic dating.

I think it's right that dating going awry makes it more likely to think of Miss H. Had the same with Ms S. It passes if that's any consolation. I'd just leave it if she's not initiating contact. Bit demoralizing but it takes 2 to make friendship.

Having thought Teal Swan's ghosting video was very reasonable ,I googled her. Her wikipedia page is quite an eye-opener. She's not your bog-standard dating coach.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teal_Swan

I've watched a lot of Teal's stuff, I like that she's not like other people or that she shys from saying tough things. However you don't get lots of views without being a little out there.

@Eesha what does desexing your profile mean?

@RhusTox i would just say im testing the water or if something like fab, I'd say I'm there to chat only.

@Eesha I'm only ever testing the water - some people I would run a mile from and others I would want to get to know better before jumping in.

@RhusTox yes i think we all are doing that but for me, desexing was spelling out more that I wanted to take things super carefully so I would say only here to chat.

How is everyone? Any news from @Clovertoast? Honestly no judgement from here, hope you are ok.

I have my zoom date thing sorted so looking forward to finishing home schooling and winding down to having a decent night in. Have bought a giant dessert just for myself so even if it goes pear shaped, I still have that!

I hope you have fun @Eesha. I am bored shitless if I’m honest, January is always grim but this is off the scale!

@Eesha, have a lovely evening. You'll have to tell us how it goes so we can add it to our repertoire of ideas for dates.
@ThisTooShallBe, I hear you. Life is definitely feeling monotonous. I actually felt claustrophobic the other day because of the lack of places to go and things to do. The weather here is far from conducive to even walks in the park.

Yes, a cold drizzle outside here too @Onesmallstep67. It’s a long, long haul now...

Hi all, could I pop in for some dating advice, it’s been a while since I’ve had a date I enjoyed and I feel like I need words of wisdom and advice, I’ve read this full thread and there’s no better people to ask!
I had a walking tinder date last night, I’ll call him MrTech. We got on really well, had a kiss, which was very nice, he text me when he got home and said what a lovely time he’d had, that I was lovely, that he felt really comfortable and left with a big smile on his face. I agreed with all this with the same sentiment. Today I initiated the text (first time to do so) and there’s only been a few this morning and none this evening and I sent the last one. It’s just such a drop in the frequency it’s making me wonder what’s going on? I did tell him that I’m not looking for anything serious. I was his first tinder date and his first date since he seperated from his wife. Any wise words, do I text him this evening? It’s not often I like a guy and I do like him.
Thanks for any thoughts

Just in from a nice but freezing outdoor date with MrBass. We had a chippy tea on a church bench and did not stop chat. It was nice.

He's not my usual bad boy rock n roll type. Just a nice (younger) guy but chatty and asked questions and made me laugh.

Social distancing fell by the way as we linked arms to stroll then had the chastest of car park kisses (he had negative Covid test this week).

I'm half wondering if I should throw caution to the wind and make the most of rare kid free Saturday night and invite him over for 'dinner' (and sleepover as he lives bloody miles away)

Has been ages since I had some sex and even longer since I had some good sex.

Or maybe not. Maybe just continue walking dates and get to see how I feel about him a few dates in.

(Still felt that MrVW has ruined it for all others if they aren't as hot and bad-boy as he was)

Often think of @Clovertoast and wondering how things are going with her and MrP...

@Onesmallstep67 @ThisTooShallBe Yes it went well but we both felt like it was so strange/sad because we couldn't touch each other and that's a big part of who we are as a couple. Plus there was me repeating that I missed him etc and wanting reassurance and he's much more like "I miss you but we can't do anything about it". Very frustrating!!

He feels like it will be a really long time (like by October!) before this will be over but I would like to see him once his parents have been vaccinated which should be soon.

I do think I prefer long chats rather than zoom, it just feels more intimate and sexy and zoom feels more awkward.

@onemorerose could it be that you were his first date but that he is planning on seeing others? Did he want to see you again?

@Ruralbliss i would probably wait and get to know him better personally but if you feel he's decent and would be fun, then go for it! Usually I would say why rush but these are weird times we live in at present.