Dating Thread 198 - FOMO is a real thing

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Eesha I think video calls are good idea there! What about a joint project like reading a book together or doing an online course or cooking the same dish?

On that note, what’s everyone’s views on (cough) things getting more physical/sexy online ? Is this going to be a lockdown thing?

I’ve always been a bit reticent but as my irons seem to also have a genuine connection with me that isn’t just sexual I’m exploring this a bit.

MrC was asking for photos on his long trip away so I did some tasteful ones and he seemed happy and I quite enjoyed it! He doesn’t seem to want any more than that though.

MrMilitary is a bit more demanding (ten years younger) and I’ve enjoyed a couple of heated sext sessions with photos though I don’t want to be “on call” sexually all the time for him! It’s been quite useful for me not being able to go out due to illness etc,

Hello everyone. Hope you are all ok.

I haven't caught up on the thread but still wondering if @Clovertoast is ok given the events of last weekend.

@SleepyBunk I (ahem) enjoyed some virtual physical times with my lockdown #1 iron as he was very very good at talking sex talk and had an incredibly sexy voice. He loved doing it and would have been up for it most nights but I wasn't always as conscious I had teens roaming around outside my bedroom.

@Eesha so frustrating for you and MrYoga but it's the right thing to do.

MrTall and I enjoyed watching stuff together across the miles if you've both got headphones and a different device to phone (tv, iPad etc). We watched absolutely loads of comedy and laughed our socks off together. Sometimes we'd have to pause for laughing so much and other times we'd pause for shack or comfort breaks. Often rolled on into the night watching 'just one more'

Like the idea of cooking the same meal remotely on a video call too. That's an ace idea.

Good luck

All of my potential irons now been checked out and I'm not interested in any of the ones I matched and chatted with. Had two dire but lonnnnnnnnnnnnng phone dates tonight's where both blokes monologues at me for over an hour each. I was exhausted. I felt violated. Both keen to meet me in person as I apparently 'seem lovely'. Nope. You have no idea.

Back to the swiping then. Or sabbatical.

One new match says he's joined because of the pandemic as unlikely to meet people any other way now. That was noteworthy I thought.

@WeWantTheFinestWines yes, Miss Why has been in touch again, and thankfully we now have a place and time for tomorrow!

I'll see what happens with Miss Polish - purely for the entertainment of the thread Although I'm pretty sure we won't end up meeting, as she refuses to do anything less than be wined and dined which isn't an option currently. Or maybe I'll tell her about a new conspiracy theory that Starbucks coffee contains an antidote to Bill Gates' mind-control chips...

@Eesha back when I was seeing Miss H at the start of the first lockdown we did a few video calls with wine which were good. SleepyBunk's suggestion of cooking the same meal sounds good too. It was also nice watching the same TV show at the same (or similar) time.

How about online games? Lots of the game apps have a 2-player mode. Or Spotify playlist tag where you each suggest a song to listen to in turn.

As for more naughty stuff - we also had a few "early night date" chats with pics/videos which were fun. Though I find it only really works when you're both able to concentrate on it. Nothing kills the mood like waiting for a response as the other person has disappeared to put their kids to bed, or feed the cat.

Oh yes, phone sex. Can be tricky with others in the house but an excellent way to enjoy each other's absence...

I was actually pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it - added benefit is no need to tidy up or shave my legs

It’s been such a great emotional learning experience for me dating this last year

and although part of me a couple years ago would have thought “don’t do it till you’re official” actually it’s been quite enjoyable - and if there’s more lockdown and I’m moving and irons are long distance then it’s a good thing to do to fit into our hectic lives!

Not comfortable still with sex discussion etc before meeting though unless I’ve agreed it or I joined Fab or something

Can I ask a question?
So I'm chatting to loads of guys on bumble etc.
I don't really know what I want relationship wise - would love to meet someone wonderful for something longer term, but equally wouldn't rule out ONS/FWB (post COVID lockdown).
My question is, if the chat isn't flowing and you don't really fancy them much from photos (but wanted to give them a chance if the chat was good) I usually think 24/48hrs of chatting and if it's not enjoyable how do you end it?
Was watching Teal Swan talking about ghosting and how shit it is, but I how do I say "it's been nice chatting but you're boring the crap out of me" is it necessary at that early stage to offer an explanation?

@Somethingmavelous

I think everyone has a different point of view but from what you’ve said I’d just stop - I think the modern etiquette is to not really give too many complicated excuses at this stage?

I always find it a bit weird/arrogant when someone I’ve only briefly engaged with online feels the need to tell me why they’re not interested - I assume they’re having loads of chats as am I?

I’d say if contact gets to the stage when a physical meet is being discussed then maybe a polite excuse but I feel before that is just OTT - I’ve had guys drop contact and I don’t take it personally and equally I hope the guys I’m chatting to aren’t falling in love with my photos and over investing!

Thanks sleepy that's what I assumed.

@Somethingmavelous - just say
Thanks for chatting, I'm not sure get are a good match for me but best of luck out there.

Quick to the point without saying it as crude as you are boring.

Thanks @Ruralbliss, @TheCatWithTheHat @SleepyBunk. I tend to only be free after 8pm but I guess we could make the same meal for then and eat that! I can't see us cooking at the same time as he takes ages! He isn't a big tv watcher either. I'll suggest all of these and I'm thinking dressing slightly sexier so he knows what he is/we are missing! It all feels annoyingly contrived and I don't like that!

Yeay to phone/text/picture sex @SleepyBunk

Meeting Mr Hometown in a couple of hours. The chat has been fantastic this week. Funny, lighthearted jokes. Straight up chat about our lives/needs. Learning about our histories. Lots of cheeky flirting. Raunchy stuff too. Nice phone calls. He was a fab meet. We both looking for FWB/Relationship light. I've not seen anyone other than kids in 2 weeks. (Thanks to Mr Sounds bailing) Ditto for him. So if the morning goes well we both are free until tomorrow so plan to hang out until we don't want to. I'm really nervous as the chat has been great. We've both said let's just see, no worries if no attraction it's likely we will be friends regardless.

That sounds amazing craving hope there are sparks when you meet!

Yes I’m not sure if I’m being sexist but I do think blokes when dating are fairly looks/“thinking with the penis” orientated so I’ll indulge them a bit.

I mean part of me sees it as shallow and feels a bit guilty

, but then I’m attracted and feel connected when my dates see me to my door and physically lift me up and like driving and do all the slightly silly stereotyped man stuff so it’s just a bit of fun.

I guess I’m also mindful of not wanting to fall into the trap of feeling sex is “all I have to offer to get attention ”.

But I think my self esteem is fairly robust currently (need more sleep argh but apart from that quite happy).

With my ASD combined with my love of clothes and art I actually quite like the project of dressing sexy and working out good angles and putting on a bit of a performance 🤓😆

No hurried upskirt bathroom snaps here, it’s like staging a proper lingerie advert followed by a boudoir show

Good luck @cravingthelook

@Eesha that’s exactly how it feels I agree? Contrived is the word for it. But then I guess part of having a connection is doing the little random things for the other person even if it’s a bit silly.

SleepyBunk The thing is im wondering how eating together can turn into something sexy! Unless I dress up very sexily (to eat a spring roll)

Lol @Eesha “this too will pass” lockdown over before we know it 💪🏽

Hope all those on dates today have had fun, @TheCatWithTheHat and @cravingthelook I think?
My fab iron is still interested but covid cautious so won't be meeting again for a while. I think the reality of this is starting to hit many people.

I'm seeing Mr K tomorrow, its been 13 days since I've seen him.
In all the time I've known him we've never gone this long without meeting in person.
Slightly apprehensive as he was Covid positive but I've spoken to a few people who work in the NHS and he shouldnt be contagious anymore.

I'm slightly concerned as I haven't really missed him....I've missed the sex (although after 5 days that need faded, it really is true, the less you hsbe the less you want) but when we've been messaging it feels like I'm messaging a friend and not my boyfriend.
My life is quite busy and I started a new job this week so I haven't actually had much chance to miss him. I know its a good thing not to have your life revolve around a man but this is almost the opposite and that cant be good either.

Will see what tomorrow brings...Mr K has already told me he's nervous because its been so long🤣

Thank you for all your advice re MrTall.

He came over last night and we chatted. He's been separated from his wife for 4months, but explained that it was a long time coming and they had both checked out a long time before. He says he plans to house share with his friend from around March.

I do believe him, but the lying is what bothered me hugely and I explained this to him. He did seem genuinely sorry for not being truthful. He also said he has feelings for me which was a bit of a surprise.

I'm going to continue seeing him, but as I explained to him, this can't evolve into anything more until I know his living situation is resolved.

@30somethingandstillsingle i think with Mr Tall, the one thing that would bother me is only being separated 4 months. However I can totally see how one expects things to be casual but then things change. You sound like you have your head screwed on though and are taking things slowly.

@SortingItOut i think you being busy is a lot to do with not missing Mr K. The longest I've gone without seeing Mr Yoga is 3 weeks, though no doubt it will be longer now with lockdown. Initially I did miss him loads but I've almost gotten used to our situation now!

@30somethingandstillsingle

That seems like a perfect negotiating place you’re in - open to connection but being mindful of boundaries and not putting yourself in a difficult situation.

With lockdown I guess there’s a natural easing of things anyway?

I think you mentioned MrTall is happy enough going for coffee and chat

so you don’t even have to make the default date “going back to yours” till he’s got his living situation sorted.

My date today with Miss Why was good rather than brilliant - had a nice walk, although it was very cold! She wasn't quite what I was expecting, but I'd like to see her again and told her so at the end of the date. She said the same and suggested we swap numbers.

I sent her mine when I got home, but haven't heard anything since. I know she wasn't doing anything for the rest of the day as we talked about our plans for the rest of the weekend. So I'm guessing she's just not that fussed, or I've been ghosted. Oh well.

I've got another coffee/walk date with Miss No Cats tomorrow, so not sure how that will go. She seems quite keen to find someone to have a lockdown romance with, but came across as quite intense and judgemental when we spoke on the phone. I actually really like the look of her based on her photos - she's exactly my type, but as I keep finding out profiles usually don't match reality.

Glad you’re getting out there a bit @TheCatWithTheHat

I think that’s why it’s so important to meet ASAP - lots of chat just leads to building up a fake idea of the person or the connection - they might be lovely in their own way but just not quite what you were expecting!