Dating Thread 198 - FOMO is a real thing

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Is it worth joining an app at the moment? This lockdown has made me realise that I’ve lost a year where I could’ve met someone and that’s a year of fertility down the line! But are we just going to be stuck in the “talking” thing for months?

@MsPeachh you can still meet for a walk? And I think people are all in the same boat so will be keen to meet others

@ThisTooShallBe you were right - I was wondering what the point of meeting up would be, but it was having a little moment earlier today and feeling rather down about the whole thing. I'll definitely meet for coffee walks, and see what happens - if only to get me out and meeting other people.

Miss Polish is definitely high on the crazy scale!

Facebook is very clever at working out who you know. I don't think I've seen any irons on there, but I know at least one saw me in their friend suggestion list just because they'd saved my phone number.

@SortingItOut - wow, 700 emails a day? That is crazy!

@MsPeachh some people are still on there, and willing to meet for walks or video dates. It is very challenging, but you never know what might happen.

Hinge especially has been busy the last day or so - there seem to be a lot of new profiles, and I've had a few matches today. One who I'd matched with during the first lockdown, but we never met as pubs were shut. Not sure what will be different this time around!

In other news, I've been in touch with Miss H a few times since she ended it 2 months ago. Mostly to wish her Christmas/New Year but have said hi a couple of times - she's been chatty and replies quickly, so seems happy to hear from me which I'm glad about.

I must say from reading this thread I’m seriously drawn to Fab as I think I have the right mindset for it - I’m quite pragmatic and it just feels quite “honest” - but if things do develop then they do?

@SleepyBunk it's refreshingly honest in terms of being upfront about likes/dislikes and what you're hoping for from a meet.
However, it's probably one of the worst for people lying about their home situations and looking for extra marital activity.
@MsPeachh I don't think it can hurt to get acquainted with an app or two. As a few on here have demonstrated (or worried about) it only takes one person, who knows if they're on there now.
@ThisTooShallBe why did fab delete you?! I remember when you and Mr GN got together and the sliding doors moment but can't recall why you got banned!

Fab seems to work for a lot on here...I don't think I could do it but admire people that are confident enough to. Seems more honest in a way.

Not heard from my iron, not gonna bother. Why is it soooo difficult to speak to someone who actually wants to meet / who is polite and not crazy and wants something 'normal'. Think I'm going to give up!

So if you've been dating someone will you continue to see them during lockdown?

I wasn't dating in March last year!

Nothing to report here. No matches on tinder beyond the initial 3 when my account was first made and it sticks you at the top of the stack. No replies from any of them. Probably will delete this weekend and remake next weekend.

POF no luck with the select few I've sent first messages too, using profile information to point out anything in common and to ask some questions to begin conversation.

Will set up a new bumble with the exact same as my tinder profile shortly.

Re: finding people on Facebook. I have moderate success of doing this but usually to just look at whatever they have there that is public, not to add them and freak them out.

Quite easy to do with just a first name and knowing what city they live in (assuming they have added that info to their profile) - you can filter by location, scroll until you spot a familiar face.

One formed 'iron' (my first time using this term lol) about 2 years ago admitted she had already looked me up on Facebook (and didn't have my number or surname) - we discussed and she had used the same method.

As awful as it sounds I'm not a creep. Honest!

I have had a few interesting chats with Fab blokes. I haven’t had anywhere near 700 messages thankfully, but I did get a lot of messages, 99% got deleted. Mr Dice from fab seems to be keen on more that just FWB but I’m not that keen on him. Great sex but loves Trump for some inexplicable reason. I can’t fancy anyone who has empathy for Trump.
I haven’t had any iron friend suggestions from Facebook but I do get the occasional suggestions for clients at work which is awkward.
Mr Mirror, the recent Bumble iron who seems far too compatible to be real, wants a walking date this weekend. I’m still not convinced but mainly because of the goatee.

@Whoknows11 i did see my iron last year but he has vulnerable parents so we had decided in December to just do walks till they got the vaccine. At the moment it's freezing so I doubt we will see each other but we chat pretty regularly. You have to do what you feel comfortable with. I'd be happy to see my iron at home as I know we both don't really mix much. But we will wait!

Fab is only open and honest in a sexual way really, I think its good to discuss likes and dislikes early on so you know partly if you're sexually compatible.

Unfortunately you do get a lot of people lying about their relationship status but then I guess that can be true of normal dating sites as well.

I think going into it open minded is key and also that its a casual sex site ahead of anything else so if you're happy with casual sex then great but if you only want a relationship then it likely wont be for you.

@Heartbeats0708 I think I didn’t manage to confirm my email in time so it deleted me while I was making myself a reviving cup of tea. Or it was a glitch. I never tried to log back in as I met up withMr GN thenext night and we became FWB, which is what I wanted at the time

I couldn't do FAB but I love reading about the experiences of it here.

Thanks @NVision I think that's what he must have done or it recommended me to him as a friend based on him having my number

I called him out on it. Told him I didn't use social media anymore. He said sorry for freaking me out.

I have met some amazing men on fab and also some shockers too.
I've had the best sex of my life with people I met on there, and also the worst

I like it because generally conversation is more open, men will openly look for no strings, whereas on dating sites I have found lots of men just wanting to get their end away but not being honest about it.
I met MrTall on fab, and it's turned into more than expected from a 'fab' meet/dating perspective.

I get lots of fab messages and some turn out as great chats I've got a handful of chats on the go and if any of them go to a meet I'll name them.

It's my site of choice now, I prefer the honesty

It turns out once I kicked him into touch for his shitty behaviour and took a 'relationship' off the table and just became friends, Mr FF and I get along great. He's still 140 miles away so it's staying like that.

That’s interesting- I’m really just playing with the idea (maybe me and MrC will go steady when he gets back in which case scratch this idea)

but think part of me (hmmm which part ) is quite drawn to the idea of just “exploring” stuff with the right person without thinking about the practicalities of Dating....like when lockdown is over just get someone who will book and pay for a a hotel room near me, we meet there, are polite and friendly but no expectations or emotional shit?

If the Male female is high I feel I can negotiate for the best/most convenient option for me?

Obviously I will need to think about the marriage check though

It’s like the whole semi casual thing is such a mind-fuck so maybe trying to segregate things might be easier?

Like with MrMilitary the chemistry is high but so is the drama.

I’m kind of attached but also I’m wondering if what I’m drawn to in him is just that....the attached memes explain it really.

So if I could get what he offers from somewhere else I wouldn’t have to put up with his personality.

Sounds weird but I haven’t really had a chance to sexually explore in my 30’s - I was either dating thinking I “ought” to want a relationship or just not dating at all.

And like pps say so much of early dating on more “mainstream” apps is guys after sex focused/casual things but not being upfront about it which is actually a bit of a turn- off

It’s like MrMilitary is all about the feels right now . probably as he find me very physically attractive no other reason

But for him I think that “dating seriously” doesn’t mean emotional support or intellectual companionship or moving my life forward or him actually acting like what I’d hope a boyfriend would act like, it just means him having a very sex focussed thing with me (but I have to be “On a promise” whilst he’s working away)

so tbh it’s the same as casual really

Lockdown/being ill/snowed under is kind of a blessing in disguise as I won’t get too caught up in him I guess

@SleepyBunk
Sexually exploration should be fun at every age and I recommend it.

By the time I left my husband at the age of 37 I had slept with 2 people, by the time I was 39 it was way, way higher .
I call it my sexual revolution and I'm not ashamed of what I've done, I've had good sex, bad sex and really out of this world sex.

If you can remove emotion from sex it is definitely the way to go if you have needs to be met.

@SleepyBunk
I think the marriage check on Fab is similar to other sites - when do they message, what is their job, do they have that they cant accomodate (some may live with friends or family) on their profile, do they want to use Kik and not WhatsApp, only able to meet at weird times etc

Personally I used Kik for those I wasnt sure about giving my number too for various reasons but didnt have huge red flags and all turned out to be either crazy or married/in relationships.
Definitely trust your gut.

I have used Kik a few times, I quite like it. I hadn’t thought of it as a warning sign of a relationship being hidden. I’ll have to bare that in mind

My 30’s have been the best years for sex, I’m 40 next year. I left dh when I was 33, before him I had slept with a handful of people but they were all vanilla and I didn’t really enjoy sex until I left dh, I have now lost count of how many I have dated and how many I have slept with (sounds bad), the first 2 years of being single I went a bit crazy and met loads of people including someone from Fab, had some amazing times and some rubbish times. I’m now more selective and would ideally like a relationship but am so fussy after dating so many and realising what I do and don’t like. I have dated several military men and have to say ‘I won’t date another’ they seem to want someone to fit around them and are likely to be shagging other people whilst telling you how amazing you are and how you must wait for them 😐. I don’t want to date anyone with young kids of baggage from a ex so that rules out most guys, I don’t want to come 2nd or 3rd to their ex and kids (been there with exh), so I tend to go for older men. I don’t think I will find a relationship through OLD so I am trying to increase my friendship circle which is tricky right now.

I confess I don’t really understand the concept of ‘getting the feels’ just because you have sex with someone, for me sex is an activity that makes me feel fantastic - like skiing - done with at least one other person. It’s physical, a recreational sport if you will 😂. So in my sexual revolution years of 2018-2019 I relished doing it with an array of different men who were each individually attractive, nice, friendly and very, very good in bed. I never had a dud sexually, which I put down to men in their 50s basically knowing what they’re doing. My ‘feels’ for Mr GN came on after a full year of regular shagging because I had got to know him as a person and realised that he had fully accepted me - the ‘just the way you are’ thing from Bridget Jones. Now of course the sex is out of this world because it’s my favourite recreational sport with the man I love.

Sorry, can’t remember what my point was there!

I guess some get attached quickly via sex. I know I do, so would rather figure out if they're worth getting attached to first.

Anyway all moot as I'm no longer online and there's a lockdown at least until the hours of daylight are reasonable so no social life either. I'll be ok; I've still got friends and centuries of culture to trawl through .. and this:

www.instagram.com/beam_me_up_softboi/