Dating Thread 198 - FOMO is a real thing

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Aw @30somethingandstillsingle that's nice to hear about MrTall but so sorry you are in such a challenging position with your younger kids and solo parenting. I'm feeling for you (and will stop grumbling about my messy noisy teens as at least they feed themselves, bathe themselves, can get on with their own activities)

@Heartbeats0708 yes, that's the same one. She thinks it's all co-ordinated by Bill Gates to ensure the young are forced to work as slaves for big corporations. She also reckons she's single as she is out of most people's league. I think that's taking the "I am the prize" thing a bit far!

@LongtimelurkerL it's not selfish to feel that at all. I feel the same way - looks like it's going to scupper anything that may have developed with Miss Why before we've even met, which is a shame as I had a good feeling about her.

The thought of being stuck at home alone, single and unable to meet anyone for more than coffee/walk dates is really depressing actually.

I've actually got a coffee and walk date arranged on Friday with another iron, but it seems a bit pointless really. As far as I know, my Sunday coffee and walk date is still on, but again - just seems a bit pointless now.

And also to anyone single with younger kids who can't be left home alone my heart goes out to you all.

I'm massively counting my blessings again fir this lockdown. Suddenly have ended the woe is me pity party.

I matched with an interesting sounding guy last night and did a texting into the small hours session with him.

He does same job as me which is highly unusual but he irritated me from the get-go as called me a 'lady' (as in 'wow I've never met a lady astronaut before') then told me he didn't see his daughter for first ten years of her life 'totally my fault' ANNNNNND I'm scrutinising his pics and pretty sure he is a petite guy - hard to tell I know but he certainly isn't chunky and I assume not tall either.

Have got a phone date scheduled. Might brave asking him about his height. Luckily he has pic of big looking motorbike so potentially could tie it in with that somehow.

@TheCatWithTheHat my MrTall of lockdown #1 is referred to as mad, bad and sad as his initial 'I think this is all a big practice drill' view on Covid in February was the thin end of the wedge re weird beliefs.

I binned him off when he mentioned the earth being a disc and black lives matters movement being ignorable as orchestrated by rich white folk as a way of stirring things up.

There's no reasoning with unreasonable folks.

If you're anything like me you want a relationship with someone who has common foundation of beliefs not spending your days doing exhausting debates about stuff that really doesn't need airtime (no I do believe the earth is a sphere now what shall we have fir dinner)

Just wondering how @Clovertoast is doing? Has anyone heard news?

@Ruralbliss I would definitely ask him about his height. I tend to drop into conversation "oh, just curious how tall you are" I learnt the hard way after chatting to someone, getting on really well and then meeting and finding he was only 5'2 and I'm 5'7. Any attraction disappeared instantly!

@TheCatWithTheHat sorry but Miss Russian or Polish sounds awful, who actually admits to thinking they are out of everyone's league!!

@LongtimelurkerL you aren't pathetic at all, you've met someone you like and you want to see how it goes. I felt the same with Mr Yoga as we met properly in July last year though had known each other for a few months prior. We did see each other regularly and then things lessened due to restrictions to every few weeks though now more regularly speaking. I think at least you know he won't be seeing others either so I would say try and sustain the virtual communication till you can cement things a bit more. And actually I found with Mr Yoga that we learnt a whole lot more about each other by taking things slowly and I believe if we can get through all this, we can get through most things. He agrees. I think you have to try and ride the storm.

@30somethingandstillsingle great news about Mr Tall. Really pleased for you. I'm not a key worker but I have toddlers who I'm with 100% time so I recognise the limits, for example traipsing on the bus twice to collect school stuff because the school had made a mistake, a real joy in the rain!

@Clovertoast how are you? No judgement here if you've decided to continue things with your iron.

I keep checking in to see if there is an update from @Clovertoast too. I can see it might have felt overwhelming but that our responses were from experience and genuine concern. I do hope you are OK and know there isn't judgement and that as grown adults we are free to make our own choices. Support is always available on this thread. And I know I've appreciated both the tough love and the handholds.

Def mo judgement @Clovertoast no one but you can know all the info - so we just try to give advice with limited info...

ruralbliss I have my height on my profile as I'm quite tall so if they don't have their height (like most do on bumble) I just say when chatting "did you notice how tall i am? Is that an issue for you?" And they usually come back saying how tall they are.

I don't only go for particularly tall men and have dated an inch shorter than me but anyone too much shorter would put me off

But I do wonder whether men actually know how tall they are or whether they choose to deliberately add inches 🤔 mrtatts said he was 5'10 but he's clearly and inch or two shorter than my 5'9 🤷‍♀️

@Slothmomma that's funny

I once turned up to a first date with a guy who had written 'I'm 6ft for those of you who care - seems to be important to some!'

But on arrival he definitely was not 6ft (I knew as my XH was exactly 6ft and this guy was shorter) - called him out on it and said 'so I'm now classifying you as a liar....' I dated him for nearly a year and he was prone to bending the truth.

Ha, that's why I'm single too @TheCatWithTheHat - in a league of my own

Anyone that has leagues in their mind, and measures you relative to (imagined) others - they're always going to have one eye open for someone better.

@30somethingandstillsingle
Loving your update, Fab seems to be the new site for relationships for us on this thread despite it being a hook up site😁

Good luck with Mr Tall and juggling work and kids during lockdown.

@TheCatWithTheHat I think you should see your irons for coffees and walks, it’s not pointless at all. If you’re struggling with the prospect of isolation in lockdown then surely all the more reason to meet up?

My incredibly calm and wonderful colleague cracked this morning on the phone at the prospect of homeschooling her three under-6s. My god what a thought. I know for sure that, apart from nature walks, PE and reading, I would have done no homeschooling with my DC at that age. I admire today’s parents so, so much.

Yay for another Fab relationship on the thread @30somethingandstillsingle! Christmas and now lockdown have kept me and Mr GN from Fab apart since mid-December, but there is no way we’re letting that stop this relationship now. We will endure!

Well Miss Polish is certainly a catch - apparently people with kids shouldn't try to date people without kids - they should date other parents, allowing the kid-free people to date each other. And she doesn't watch Netflix as it's a tool designed by "them" to feed misinformation to us, and anyone who doesn't agree is a sheep.

Baa

@ThisTooShallBe I intend to, but Miss Dallas has been in touch earlier to postpone our Sunday coffee/walk. Miss Why hasn't replied yet about Saturday, but she seems unsure so I'm half-expecting her to cancel as well. I have one arranged for Friday, but she told me after we arranged it that she doesn't want to text before meeting as she doesn't want to form any opinion of me before we meet in case she's disappointed. I do seem to pick them!

I'm not sure what the secret is to meet you lovely women on Fab - it's much harder than normal dating apps for a guy, at least in my limited experience. But then again, I have picked the worst time ever to join up!

Checking in for a Clovertoast update also. Whatever decision you make, we'll support you.

Oh good, @TheCatWithTheHat, I must have misunderstood you before - I’m glad you’re going to keep trying. Miss Polish sounds hilarious tbh!

I think Mr GN would tell you that as a man you need to devote an inordinate amount of time to Fabswingers to get anywhere at all. Us getting together was an utter fluke as I was on for 20 minutes before the site deleted me, in that time he’d sent me his number and I’d written it down on a post it (so old school, I don’t know why I did that, except that he was the only one of about 50 messagers who lived in my town). It was the universe aligning, a sliding doors moment. Which can happen to anyone, at any time, if they’re in the game.

Crikey cat you've attracted quite an assortment, haven't you? It seems quite clear by now, certainly, that Miss Polish is not single because she's Premier League but because she's mental.

A non-iron (term invented for a guy I chatted to for a while but decided not to meet) has continued to occasionally send me texts since we matched and spoke in Oct.

Today he's weirded me out by sending me a Farcebook friend request without knowing my surname.

How would he have done this?

I'm going to have to tell him it's weirded me out and ask him how he found me.

I have an uncommon spelling of a common first name so I assume he trawled on that until he spotted a pic of me?

Ffs. I'm not impressed. I don't really use social media but general rule is only be friends with people I've met in the flesh (so not him) and never ever work colleagues.

He seems like a lovely gentle guy but could be anyone. Not for me as lives with relatives and a bit too woke for me - all vegan, yoga, retreats, meditation etc.

@Ruralbliss, I found this happened a lot dating. If he has your mobile number and that is linked to your Facebook account then you will have appeared to him as a suggested friend. Especially easy to work out it's you if you have an unusual name or a picture on your profile that you also use in dating!

I removed my mobile number from Facebook and that helped!

Yes I was just about to say I constantly get told by Facebook that I might know Mr Planner, Mr Sounds and other old irons and it suggests I friend request them

@TheCatWithTheHat
I agree with @ThisTooShallBe, its a complete fluke for me and Mr K too.

On my first day I had over 700 messages, by day 3 it was nearly 1.5k (cant remember exact numbers but near enough), the sheer volume was enough to put me off but I perservered and deleted loads without answering.
By coincidence Mr K and I were on at the same time (the evening of day 3 if I remember correctly),he messaged and because he had decent photos and had completed his profile I thought I should reply ( i didnt reply to many) and he was within 5 miles of me (I am really rural so finding someone so close was brilliant).

I already had FBs who lived 15-20 miles away and wasnt looking for another.

Pure fluke that I even opened his message and he was so close in distance to me.

Not sure that I would join during a pandemic though but good luck.

@Ruralbliss
I had a ONS friend request me on Facebook, he didnt even know my surname and the name I used on Facebook is not the name I use in real life anyway.
I dont have my mobile number on there either. Also my profile is pretty locked down due to my job.

I asked him how he found me as it freaked me out and he said he just typed in my first name and spent ages trawling through all the Sorteds until he found me😱
No reason for it apart from being a weirdo, I blocked him on Facebook and told him not to message again which luckily he didnt (although is a manager at a chain restaurant I frequent- hope he hasnt realised who I am🤣)

Thanks @TigsytheTiger and @SortingItOut that's useful. I'll take a look at Facebook and taking my number off but also should tell non-iron I'm freaked out by it.

Why the hell would I allow some bloke ive never met access to 13 yrs of family photos and commentary from me.

Yuck. I should block him really but as usual I'm just too much of a way nice people pleaser.