Dating Thread 198 - FOMO is a real thing

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

She won't do pubs, coffee or walking? Three of life's great joys? Sounds a bit precious...

I love that meme @TheCatWithTheHat until I think of someone thinking it about me! 😬

@TheCatWithTheHat are you going to give it one more go then? I have a friend like this, really beautiful but very hard work in terms of always being argumentative. Even our friends know this!

When I unmatched her on Happen a year ago, I did tell her we wouldn't get on, as she came across as very stuck up. So I suspect I may well come to that conclusion again! But I figure if the dating gods have matched us 3 times now, I should at least try to meet up and see what happens.

@Ruralbliss I think there's a little caveat to that meme, and it doesn't apply to anyone on this thread

Well Hinge is good! Been chatting to a new iron all day, Mr RAF. Typically from next week he's on secondment abroad until July. Another one that won't go anywhere 🙂

That's a bit 'outing' actually. Hey ho!

@Eesha she actually seems perfectly nice and normal while chatting to her this evening, and she is beautiful. It's just that she wouldn't have a first date in a coffee shop or pub.

Not that any of those will be an option at the moment... so I probably won't find out what she's like until the summer at this rate.

@TheCatWithTheHat i would meet her then! Can she not be flexible though as no one can do much. My best friend said I set the bar low because we did walks etc and as such, a man didn't feel the need to wine and dine me! Perhaps this lady feels the same? Start as you mean to go on.

I think she's quite firm on not meeting until we can do something worthy of her idea of a first date. She said she'd prefer to die single surrounded by cats than go on a coffee first date. So being a gent, I of course offered to lend her my cats

I kind of see her point. I've had quite a few coffee/walk dates which have been fun, but it would actually be quite nice to wine and dine someone for a change.

@TheCatWithTheHat fair enough, at least she knows what she wants!!! Does she know we might be in lockdown for a while though!?

I'd love a wine and dine date .... oh well

Anyone else dreading what another lockdown might do for their love life? I know very selfish but presume Mr long walks will disappear which seems very unfair

I'm hoping I can chat to Mr Sounds about it and just spend a night or two together each week to stave off the mental health drain. We'll see though.

@LongtimelurkerL me! I knew I couldn't be physical with Mr Yoga in any way till his parents got vaccinated but now I'm not sure whether we will even be able to do the odd walks. I think you need to be super strong to stay together in these weird times!

Given my recent revelation that I really do only find tall men attractive when do you suppose it's a good point to ask for the vital stats?

I always saw in profiles '5'11 as that seems to be important..:' and thought blimey how shallow some women must be to be demanding fellas reveal their heights before agreeing to meet them but turns out I am that shallow myself!

Options:
Don't ever ask and find out on first meet. If they aren't tall but we get on great then great. If they are tall don't get all carried away ignoring the red or amber flags as so busy swooning.

Only ask if it's tricky to decide whether to meet or not

Ask early and bear their height in mind whilst chatting.

Declare 'I only fancy taller men so if you're less than 5'11 we're not a great match...'

@Eesha she joked that we'd see each other in the summer. Well, I think it was a joke. With the latest news, I'm not so sure now!

@LongtimelurkerL me too! It's not that selfish really - many of us enjoy company, and it's natural to want to find a partner or for things to develop if we've met someone already who you've started to get to know.

During the first lockdown it made a huge difference to me that I was sort of seeing someone. Now it's really frustrating having a few irons that I really want to meet, but not being able to. I'm finding it quite tough mentally if I'm honest, and the thought of not being able to meet people for 2-3 months is pretty horrendous if I'm honest.

@TheCatWithTheHat Tbh doesnt that sound a bit strange. Surely if you like someone, you might make an effort to at least go for a walk etc. Unless she wants you to woo her or something?

@TheCatWithTheHat I think that’s a bit weird, agree with @Eesha! If I wanted to see someone I’d see them. I obv don’t usually want a walk as a date but needs must!

I’m really sad that everything will close down and MrLongWalks will decide to go back to his parents and everything will fizzle. Really angry

A little, but if she just doesn't get coffee/walk dates then I'm not going to force the issue as it's obviously important to her. I'm of the same view as you, but maybe she's just decided not to accept anything less than her idea of a perfect date. Or maybe she's just precious. I suspect the latter, but will see what happens - I might be wrong.

Hopefully we'll meet once things open up again, but if not then I'll just wait for our fourth match on the next app

Shitting lockdown sorry all affected

I’m thinking MrMilitary is keen on meeting after my deadline, but I’m going to have to be a Buddhist dick and say as I understand he has vulnerable family members meeting him will go against my beliefs for protection of life - he can drop by on his way back to his barracks full of healthy officers but till then no.

I think I’m not going to bother with apps if things don’t work out with current irons till we’re out of lockdown - the whole stop/start thing and risk assessment (for everyone) is too hard?

MrC is messaging but comms are fairly bad.

I’m caught in deadline land this is me

So what's the actual point of the apps now? Can't go for a walk, let alone a coffee, never mind have a carpark kiss. It all seems a bit pointless, does it not? I was also seeing someone in first lockdown so we did lots of zoom and phone and messages and looking forward to meeting up again. This time, nothing 😪

I think the issue with the apps for me right now would be that either you push for the meet (and feel guilty and it’s stressful) or you don’t and it’s frustrating and you build up a fake picture of the person

So emotionally it’s lose-lose. And that’s on TOP of normal dating stress.

Strategically I’d prioritise getting fit and other positive life things then come out like a bendy cutie when spring hits the effects of the vaccine come through...it will be like VE Day for romance and shagging.

Weirdly enough both my irons are sticking but maybe they’re used to never seeing their women due to their work routine.

MrMilitary seems to want me to be his girlfriend now That’s the difficulty with younger men - they just don’t know what they want?

So we can continue to go for a walk with one other person (who’s not in our support bubble)

@LongtimelurkerL yes, they advise a couple of hours but I'm sure you can do what suits you

Selfishly fingers firmly crossed MrLongWalks decides to stay in London and then we can keep seeing each other - selfishly hoping people want to cross their fingers for me!