No Contact Support thread - anyone interested?

[52andblue]

Anyone want to join me?
(I'm currently on Day 6)

I won't go into huge details but I am trying to maintain NC with a narcissist (diagnosed, amongst other dx...) who has been in my life on and off for 30 years and mirrors a Narc relationship with my Mother. I've all the 'intellectual understanding' of it, but find NC hard.

Free@FreeAt50 I've just read your post, what an idiot, he doesn't deserve you

@2021sunshine I feel your pain. I am having a very similar issue. The SM stalking is such a bad habit but something that comes out of a situation where you’re never sure of the truth! I’m being punished for not contacting him by him seeing someone else now but lying to me barefaced about it. He would happily have a string of us on the go with no thought of how it makes us feel. And I’ll be blamed for pushing him away and making him be with someone else.
So messed up!

I've made an appointment with my gp tomorrow to discuss antidepressants. I feel lower than I have for a while and very anxious. I've been putting it off because I hate the side effects, but a friend said I should try some again. I tend to get restless legs, well, restless all over and it's a horrible feeling, like my skin is constantly crawling. Also headaches and insomnia. Hoping my gp will have some ideas. Last time I went to discuss it a year ago with a different gp, he dismissed me more or less, said there was nothing else and I'd have to try fluoxetine again. It made me feel really ill and I gave up again, didn't feel I could go back to talk again because he'd sent me out of his room within five minutes

They now have a new gp and I'm hoping she'll be a bit more understanding.

I've done the social media stalking in the past, but I'm not letting myself this time. It just makes it worse. I haven't blocked him, but I've deleted the message threads on messenger and WhatsApp so I can't check if he's active and can't reread messages. I'm just not posting on SM anyway.

I feel awful tonight, so lonely.

@MsKL sorry to hear you are feeling so lonely and low at the moment.

Hopefully the new GP will be more understanding. There are lots of difficult types of anti depressants and anti anxiety meds.

Have you tried magnesium for the restless legs or Epsom salt baths.

@MsKL you’re not alone.
We’re here for you.
I hope the GP will be able to help you.
Are you getting out in the daytime? Are you going into a workplace?
This lockdown is really exacerbating the loneliness because there are so few options for distraction :-(

Thanks.

Ugh, I typed a long message then received a video call and now it's gone!

I'm off sick, have been for a while. I try to go for a walk each day. Otherwise I only see my mum once a week. I'm making the effort to talk to at least one friend a day. But it is incredibly lonely.

I don't have a bath so can't use Epsom salts. I tried magnesium but it didn't seem to help.

Hoping to join as well. On off toxic relationship for two years. Have tried to go NC in the past but always go back. We mutually agreed it wouldn’t work between us at Christmas, agreed we would move on. He went very quiet on me last week when he found out I’d gone for a socially distanced walk with someone. Then today rang me and wanted to try again, saying all the things I’ve been desperate to hear for months etc. I managed to resist the almost overwhelming urge to try again and told him that although I do love him I needed a break from us. He suggested I block him again to allow me space and I’ve done it. I know he thinks I’ll cave and go back to him but I’ve got to stay strong. He’s hurt me so many times before and his actions don’t measure up to his words. But it’s so hard!!!!

Day 35 for me. I haven’t cried since. I used to cry everyday and it had been going on for over five years. I feel liberated and positive about going forward without him

@MsKL sorry taken me a while to respond, I do and I don't want to go back to that. I enjoy the messages and the fun aspect, but know it needs to stop. I just don't want it to! I haven't replied yet anyway. But I know I probably will.

I just can't help myself, he's like a drug I need.

Hope you are ok and all others are too.

@Ineedaslap I know the feeling. Stay strong, but do what you need to do.

I'm surviving, just keeping myself busy as much as possible to stop the thoughts.

Hi all. Just a mega quick check in... (will be back tomorrow, having read through properly...) x
So, I have to have a bit of contact re my NC person re my son. The NC bit is that it will be strictly that from now on. BUT... even re that yesterday (Birthday, quelle surprise) he asked about a sudden stressful situation that affects my son and me and I gave a short factual reply. Now NC has NO experience of the situation but of course 'he knows better' so proceeded to lecture me. I didn't reply or argue but because I didn't respond (gratefully?) enough he started ranting: 'this is NOT helpful, this is NOT helpful, this is NOT helpful - Goodbye!.
Indeed. Bloody idiot! I've no doubt the fact it was my b'day was no coincidence. I called back 30 mins later to ask him to post back an item of ds' and he was happy as larry. Nasty nasty man. Grrrr.
NC again...
Happy Friday evening all. I will try to get back tomorrow and post about others, not just meeee.

Grrr @52andblue. Why do they always think they know best?!

I'm actually having a positive moment. Just had a lovely phone call with someone I haven't seen for a couple of years and I've changed my bed .. mmm, clean bedding! I'm sat with a glass of wine eating Susan Calmans Grand Day Out and just said to my cat, this hasn't bad at all! The wine is hitting the spot!

Hope you're all ok

Watching, not eating

And isn't, not hasn't ...

I spoke to my gp today and have been prescribed antidepressants. I've known for a while I wasn't coping well, extreme anxiety due to the stress of having to be perfect at everything. Hoping it'll give me a bit of a lift.

@MsKL oooh, have a glass for me :)

Feeling rubbish today. If I could make contact I would, but he's made it clear he doesn't want to hear from me either. I just feel inadequate, I'm no good at relationships, I fight for independence, but am jealous all the time. I hate him for how he was, too weak to talk to me in time, to try and sort it out, even at the end he couldn't say he didn't want to see me for ages, until I pushed him too far. Im aware that's unfair I feel like I'm flawed and like I needed constant attention to help with my low self esteem. Just feel rubbish really. I've cancelled my counselling because I couldn't talk to her, she didn't seem to be listening half the time, just typing notes or talking over me. Could take me ages to get another counselor. And then I don't know how to describe what the problem is.

I've poured wine .. early but who cares! I've only got a glassful in the house

Mskl I get how you're feeling. Although my circumstances are different I feel the same as you do. I know he'd love me to contact him and I could turn this around, but the bigger picture of my future is what I need to focus on.
Can you do wjat I've done and write a list of negatives out? Although mine dony outweigh the good it def helps reading them. Allow yourself to be sad and it will help you pass this point.. I'm telling myself that anyway.
Can you get back in touch with your Councillor in time or would you have to now find another one? Friends you could call? We're all here for you.. Feel free to pm x

Thank you. I don't think there's any point talking to the same counsellor. I need to find another.

I've cried today, for the first time in a few days. Stupidly thought I was past that

Yes, I've written down the negatives. I need to read them again.

Maybe a different Councillor will help you see things differently. I hope you can find someone.
It's OK to cry, bottling it all up doesnt help. I've cried today too, it isn't easy.
Negatives help, but you'll always remember good times unfortunately it's what we tend to do.

It's getting one that's the problem. Can't afford to go private, so will go back on the bottom of the waiting list.

@mskl what do you like doing to distract time?

@MsKL I hope the ADs help to take the edge off so you feel less paralysis at least and can start to focus on yourself. I’ve looked into counselling myself and in our situation it’s really important to find someone who is validating and has some experience of toxic/narcissistic relationships. If you can afford it, it might be helpful for you to get that support to pull you through these difficult days x

Thanks both. I really can't afford to go private at the moment.

I don't have many hobbies, I tend to read, watch TV and knit. I'm just trying to keep busy to keep my mind off things.

Sorry to hear you are struggling so much at the moment @MsKL. Feed back how you feel a lot the counselling to the counsellor and see if they can adapt their style. Writing notes can be very distracting in a session.