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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No Contact Support thread - anyone interested?

810 replies

52andblue · 30/12/2020 11:56

Anyone want to join me?
(I'm currently on Day 6)

I won't go into huge details but I am trying to maintain NC with a narcissist (diagnosed, amongst other dx...) who has been in my life on and off for 30 years and mirrors a Narc relationship with my Mother. I've all the 'intellectual understanding' of it, but find NC hard.

OP posts:
Ineedaslap · 26/03/2021 18:28

@Alwaystheotherwoman I could have written that last sentence.
I can't contact mine, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. There is a song out now Head & Heart - Joel Corry which sums me up at the moment.

I miss him so much, the banter we had, the inside jokes. It's a physical pain sometimes.

Alwaystheotherwoman · 26/03/2021 18:34

@ibelieveinmirrorballs
Thanks for that. It makes sense. I don’t want him back. (When I’m feeling in the right frame of mind!). I just miss the attention and how he made me feel (when things were good, which probably wasn’t all that often!)

And I’m struggling to realise that some of the things he said weren’t true. Why say them at all if you don’t mean them. I’m embarrassed to say I think I was duped by a typical man having an affair and I was just convenient to him when he wanted me.

The memes thing struck a chord! I’m going to delete the account I have posted things on right now! I don’t know if he’s still even looking but I won’t give him chance. That will be all contact gone. (Apart from WhatsApp where I’m not ready to block 😬)

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 27/03/2021 08:10

@Alwaystheotherwoman - it's horrible trying to make peace with the fact they said things they didn't follow up on. A friend has been being straight with me though and saying - it's not so much that they're lying but that a lot of men get caught up in 'the sauce' of it all and the excitement, buzz, romance and I don't think they think that much about what they say - whereas we are noting down each thing and taking it as a sign of commitment/future possibility. I had a go at my ex about having made all these grand statements early on (I wasn't making the equivalent statements, they were all prompted by him) when we finished and he got really huffy about it - accusing me of picking over the coals and having a 'post mortem' to make him feel bad.

I woke up in a ruminating type of mood this morning but have put some good music on and wrote a whole load more of things about why it wasn't right, he wasn't meeting my needs, etc down and it seems to work to get me out of that mood. I have to stop the ruminating in its tracks - it's utterly pointless.

I think it's good to recognise that a lot of wanting contact is exactly as you say - wanting some validation, a quick fix to make the pain go away. Recognising that at best, it will only temporarily, superficially and inadequately scratch the itch is a good part of the process - it's like having a cigarette to stop the craving, knowing that half an hour later you'll be right back to where you are now.

2021Sunshine · 27/03/2021 08:33

Well I’m back.

It’s been 2 months since I saw him - the night I bumped into them. I then saw them a few day’s later in the supermarket pushing a trolley load of governed. Ignored and walked on- thought I bet she paid for that.

Meanwhile he’s all but moved in with her introduced her within a couple of weeks to his children and got himself a house and stepmother he so desperately wanted. I see he’s targeted her for that. It’s not love no matter how much they both want to believe it is.

I’m so hurt and right now I’m still waking up so angry. There are lies the new woman should know about like the massive affair he had with one of her closest friends which she has lied to her about.

He has put that friend in a possible situation, he knew she was never going to tell her, and continues to torment her with being forced to speak to him on speakerphone when she calls etc.
It’s shown what an manipulative and abusive bastard he can be. Either that or it’s his cold and uncaring side.

The new woman has clearly been blinded by him. I’m cross with her to as she knew that we were close- I had told we were really close friends only a month before she started chasing him and she never checked in with me as she started contact with him. I think she knew it was more than close friends. He had a girlfriend too who things were fizzling with. She knew this yet chased him still. Desperate for love and attention. She’s been single for a while. Her ex husband also died recently and she’s not putting her child first. Just acting like a teen. He’s there all the time. How is that nice for someone who has lost a parent?!

She also didn’t bother checking in with me after I bump into them. She could have messaged. Said sorry x I didn’t realise. Are you ok? But nope.

What she didn’t realise was I was going to his that night to challenge him on the shitty way he was treating her closest friend. She thinks I tithed up cos that I was upset that I was dumped- well I wasn’t dumped I ended it. He had promised me all sorts since and told her a ton of bullshit about how it ended. I went there cos I was cross with him and his lies and the lies he continues to carry on with. He’s very much portrayed himself as the lost soul in all this and he being the chaser and the threat.

How do I move on from being angry? I just can’t. I’m fed up with purposefully avoiding driving anywhere he or she may be. I’ve neglected my health needs because of where she works.

2021Sunshine · 27/03/2021 08:34

Groceries not governed!

52andblue · 27/03/2021 18:57

Just a quick check in -

YES to the NC approach whatever ending you are envisaging.
I am now week 3. I feel really angry about his silence. I know that he feels guilty about a couple of things and that might mean I don't hear from him again for months / years (he has form) but I also know he'll think about it eventually. So, I am trying really hard to stay NC atm.

@2021Sunshine - I can feel the anger and outrage in your post (rightly so, by the sounds of it) I must say it sounds like he is getting himself (and new woman) into a heck of a situation. BUT ... all you can do is keep a dignified distance. Easier said than done but he obviously cannot offer you (or anyone?) any commitment right now.

OP posts:
ibelieveinmirrorballs · 27/03/2021 19:12

I hear you on the anger re silence @52andblue; I have been feeling the same today - although I am managing to convince myself that it is in my case for the best for us both we have no contact and he probably realises it too. I think it's so hard having to sit with these feelings during lockdown - very little to distract ourselves with.

@2021sunshine agree that keeping your dignity and just refusing to be a part of it all is the best you can do. I made myself feel a lot better recently by having a binge listen of Mary J Blige's 'No More Drama' over and over!

Ineedaslap · 27/03/2021 19:49

@52andblue and @ibelieveinmirrorballs also hear you about the silence.

I am really cross that mine hasn't made any attempt to contact me to see if I am ok, there are ways he could without anyone knowing. Clearly he didn't mean all the things he said, and that makes me sad.

Hugs to all who are struggling with the NC Flowers

Eeeniemeanieminie · 28/03/2021 17:33

Following the thread and advice and now 6 weeks nc. Radio silence from him. And me as I have just disappeared. Feeling ok, but still feel annoyed and sometimes anxious thinking he has completely moved on. Fortunately he has no idea how I am due to nc.
I’m not sure what I want anyway. He wasn’t particularly good for me. He has some things of mine, do I message him and ask for them? Or is that just an excuse by me to make contact and instead I just carry on with my radio silence. What would the book suggest? Continue nc?

Thewookiemustgo · 28/03/2021 19:09

@ibelieveinmirrorballs
“it's not so much that they're lying but that a lot of men get caught up in 'the sauce' of it all and the excitement, buzz, romance and I don't think they think that much about what they say - whereas we are noting down each thing and taking it as a sign of commitment/future possibility.”

This. Absolutely this. With bells and a slap-my-ass-and-call-me-Mary frock on.
My husband was exactly like this with his AP. He had no reason to lie to me, he’s been brutally honest like I asked him to be, and I told him if he loved her he could tell me, I couldn’t hurt any more than I already did. His not loving her almost made it worse that he would risk everything for just sex and excitement. But he did. A huge amount of men can.

He said “I wasn’t in love with her, I was in love with the situation.”
He had no doubt told her all sorts of shit, she wanted him so hung onto and post rationalised every word. He played a role, both parties were trying to work out what the other person needed to hear to get what they wanted out of the situation.
He couldn’t believe what she said one day after he’d been found out. He had told me it was over. It fizzled on for three more weeks but he wanted out and didn’t want to just dump and run. He knew what a bastard he’d already been. I was devastated when I found this out, but at least I knew he’d finished with her if his own accord and not because I’d demanded it.

His ‘cool no pressure AP’ had a personality change. She couldn’t understand why if I knew, if it wasn’t a secret any more, he still wanted the awful wife he didn’t love any more 🙄 (more bullshit.) She said to him, “You’re never going to leave your wife, are you?”. He was knocked over sideways by this. She knew he wasn’t, didn’t she? He’d never told her he was, hadn’t he?
She’d been the “cool AP”, said she loved him but never pressured him to leave me to be with her. He thought she meant it. It was clear being with him was her ultimate goal and he had no idea, he was horrified. He’d never had any intention of running away with her, but had clearly said plenty in the moment that convinced her, or she’d twisted into on reflection, that he was going to. He thought she was ok with the situation, she thought he loved her and surely if he loved her and not me, logically in time he would leave me to be with her.
Both saying anything but the truth to try to get what they want out of it.
Please don’t believe these men. They love the chase, the flattery, the sex with a (usually) younger woman, the ego boost of being pursued and found attractive, the excitement of a fantasy life, etc etc.
I know more than one person who was involved in an affair and nine times out of ten if they are female, they are reading tons into everything OM says, discussing and analysing it to death, obsessed with OM and constantly trying to second guess what he’s thinking or doing.
If they were male, on the other hand, they’ve usually told me it was exciting, a fantasy, an escape, a part to play. The words they are saying are the part they are playing.

My husband’s AP would have been less than happy that when he was with me, we slept together, had sex together, did loads of stuff together, laughed and went out together, planned and booked holidays together, did the house up together... he was certainly not at home “bored” as he told her. Whenever she asked him how his weekend had been, that was his response. “Boring”. She would gently try to extract more info but he always closed her down. Trying to be cool, she’d stop asking. He was very careful to say “I love you but I love my family” to her. NB ‘family’. In his head he included me in that, but she thought he meant just his kids. He could lie without lying, in his warped head. 🙄 He knew that it was a one way ticket off Fantasy Island if he’d told her he loved me and would always be with me.

He’s not unique in all of the above. Attached men are capable of saying bloody anything if they’re getting regular sex from an attractive woman who constantly makes herself available to them and is also willing to keep their secrets. He used a burner phone at first until he was sure she wasn’t a nutter. When you construct a second fantasy life, you need to keep them separate at all costs. Keeps the pain, guilt and shame down. Nobody gets hurt.

Stay NC and find a single guy who really does love you.
It’s not easy for me to write this crap, but it’s far harder to read how lovelorn and heartbroken so many women on here sound, mostly saying the same thing and still questioning ‘why would he say that if he didn’t mean it?’ etc etc. He said it because he could. Because he knew what you wanted to hear. Please stay NC and stop wasting time and life on men who have another life that they are in no hurry to leave. Please ask yourselves why. Very, very few people are trapped these days. Men rarely do anything they don’t actually want to do. Make their actions speak louder than their words. If they don’t back it up by leaving to be with you, they’re not going to, whatever they say.
I’m not a huge fan of OWs as you can imagine, but nobody’s perfect and I’m not going to judge you or have a go. I feel sorry for you actually. I honestly do.
So many women on MN broken by infidelity whether they are a married AP, the single OW, the betrayed wife or partner. Infidelity hurts everyone involved. It’s not bloody worth it in 99% of cases, but sadly 100% of women seem to think their affairs all fall into the 1% it works out for. 🙁 Heartbreaking.

Stop asking why they say it and stay NC so that you don’t have to read or hear any more of it. Your mental health will skyrocket. You’ll feel way better.
Please.

Breakingupbadly72 · 29/03/2021 07:52

Checking in, I haven't kept up with the thread the past few days. So, yesterday I received an email from him. I was being 'hoovered' only later to be rejected. I feel very controlled by him. I really need to focus on getting out, even though I am. Does that make sense? I feel threatened and scared that he has the power to make me feel this way. I wasn't ready to block everywhere before. I am now.

52andblue · 29/03/2021 08:09

@breakingupbadly.
I have been through the 'hoover/discard' cycle many times. My NC has MH issues, so its esp hard as I dont know how much of it he can truly control. But the effect on me is the same anyway so I've learned the hard way to protect myself.
I'm sorry you are going through this and I wish you strength to continue the NC as its right for your situation x

OP posts:
52andblue · 29/03/2021 08:12

@Thewookiemustgo
Thank you for your long post on this thread which I started as a place of support for people trying to go / stay NC with partners, whatever their circumstances. I hope you have found peace in your relationship now.

OP posts:
Breakingupbadly72 · 29/03/2021 08:16

@52andblue, thank you. I know it is right here. What I don't understand is why. Why contact me? I was starting to feel a little better and it has brought all of those feelings back. Its an awful feeling that seems to cloud me and bring such a response. Even though it is an email and he isn't present, it almost feels he is? I think I've come to the conclusion, it is sinister. He is doing it on purpose and it is about keeping me there and having control.
I need to regain my control.
MH issues difficult to deal with. This situation has added to mine. The put downs, digs, saying I need help, whilst he seems to thrive. He said about destroying me.

Alwaystheotherwoman · 29/03/2021 09:04

Thank you @Thewookiemustgo your post really struck a chord.

My AP never directly said he would leave his wife for me but somehow I believed that eventually he would from the little things he implied. Getting barely any info on what he did at the weekend was like pulling teeth and I tried to be cool about it so I didn’t look like another nagging woman.

One day I just woke up and thought I can’t be strung along any longer and after a few false starts I have been NC for 7/8 weeks. I’m actually losing count so that’s a good thing. And for my own sanity such a weight has been lifted. Never mind the damage to my family and his family that could have been caused.

I was good for his ego. I knew that all along and he loved me to chase him. I’m sure he’ll move on to someone else shortly. The thought of that used to kill be but now I actually feel sad for him. And I feel like I’ve wasted over two years of my life with someone who this was all just a fantasy.

Breakingupbadly72 · 29/03/2021 09:17

@Alwaystheotherwoman, well done on the 7/8 weeks no contact and breaking free of the fantasy. I can't wait to be where you are now. I feel back to square one after contact yesterday. Yes, feel sad for him and yes it has made a space for someone else. Flowers

Thewookiemustgo · 29/03/2021 09:24

@Alwaystheotherwoman you need to change your username! You’ve clearly gained a lot of wisdom from your experience and I’m so glad. Affairs are the drug of choice for some men at a time when for whatever reason they needed more excitement or validation in their lives. You’ve got it spot on and you sound like a real survivor. Keep going, your life will be way better for it.
Thanks for the reply and I’m sorry for such a long rant on this thread. 🙈 Over all the years I’ve been on MN, I’ve sadly read so many similar posts it could have been the same woman.

Thewookiemustgo · 29/03/2021 09:30

@52andblue thank you for your reply and apologies for the essay. 🙈 I’m rubbish at short posts. I think your thread is a brilliant idea and whatever the circumstances of needing to go NC with someone, it must help people fell less alone with it all. I just worried that one or two posters in affair situations seemed to be slightly in denial about really wanting to go NC and were subconsciously using the thread to enable themselves to keep ruminating and obsessing about the OM.

Alwaystheotherwoman · 29/03/2021 13:15

Thank you @Thewookiemustgo I do feel a lot stronger now. It’s such a cliche but you have got to want to stop for yourself. For your own well being. When the bad times outweigh the good was when I started to doubt what the point was. He would have carried on for as long as possible as I was the one that was being picked up and dropped at his convenience. It’s not been easy. I still have the odd wobble but I know deep down I will not contact him ever again.

I don’t blame him (or men in general) when saying ‘Affairs are the drug of choice for some men at a time when for whatever reason they needed more excitement or validation in their lives’. I enjoyed the excitement and the attention as much as he did. In some ways I was worse as I wanted more and more from him. He could compartmentalise me. I was too attached emotionally.

And yes I need to change my username!

@Breakingupbadly72 please do not contact him. Ignore ignore ignore. If you reply back as soon as he drops you again you will feel so deflated and will be back to square one. It’s not easy and I did recontact my AP several times until it just clicked in my head that I could no longer tolerate being treated the way he did no matter how much I thought I loved him.

Ruminating2020 · 29/03/2021 14:09

[quote Breakingupbadly72]@52andblue, thank you. I know it is right here. What I don't understand is why. Why contact me? I was starting to feel a little better and it has brought all of those feelings back. Its an awful feeling that seems to cloud me and bring such a response. Even though it is an email and he isn't present, it almost feels he is? I think I've come to the conclusion, it is sinister. He is doing it on purpose and it is about keeping me there and having control.
I need to regain my control.
MH issues difficult to deal with. This situation has added to mine. The put downs, digs, saying I need help, whilst he seems to thrive. He said about destroying me.[/quote]
@Breakingupbadly72

Absolutely block him on everything and protect your mental health.

His type will continue to hoover and contact an ex as many times they can get away with, because they think they can. They think they can just pick people up like toys to be played with and discarded whenever it suits them, because they have the emotional maturity of a toddler.

If he is a narcissist, then he may try to hoover even years down the line if they still know your contact details. The toxic person (former EAP) attempted to hoover me 3 years after "agreeing" no contact with me. They hoover because they want to prove to themselves that they still have control over you when you bite. It's a sick game that they play because deep down, they know they are losers and they need to "win" by picking on someone the deem weaker than them.

Save all his old messages somewhere just in case you ever need to report him for harassment.

You absolutely must protect your mental health and not get drawn into their mind games. Do not feel sorry for them or believe them when they apologise, show absolutely no emotion if you ever bump into them. They don't care about you so stop worrying about what they're doing or feeling.

All the best.

Ruminating2020 · 29/03/2021 14:12

@Breakingupbadly72
Even though it is an email and he isn't present, it almost feels he is?

I can relate to this too. An old email from them gave me heart palpitations and triggered flashbacks and insomnia. Get rid of all traces of this person to protect yourself.

Breakingupbadly72 · 29/03/2021 15:41

@Ruminating2020, so awful isn't it. I can almost imagine him smirking and doing this to me, it makes him feel powerful, the bully. He is blocked everywhere apart from email and I don't seem to have the option.
I have shared with my mum some of the things he said. I feel such a fool, used, played with. I feel better than I did earlier. A big backward step over the weekend.

Breakingupbadly72 · 29/03/2021 16:19

It makes me now feel sick to the stomach thinking about him Sad

Ineedaslap · 29/03/2021 18:14

@Thewookiemustgo thanks for such an honest and informative post. I have often wondered why my AP said the things he did and if he really meant them or not.

Part of me likes to think that surely he did as otherwise why would he say them, but there has always been a part of me that wondered if he said them because he thought I wanted to hear them (I didn't!). Would rather honesty always.

I had planned to ask him why he said the things he did when I see him, which I will do at some point. But as time goes on I am not so sure now. I will see how I feel at the time I think.

@Breakingupbadly72 don't contact him, stay strong, it does get better the longer the NC goes on for.

All others on this thread, you've go tthis!

Ruminating2020 · 29/03/2021 19:00

@Breakingupbadly72 Are you safe away from him and is there a chance that you'd ever bump into him?

I am so sorry you are going through this and the way it is making you feel. Would counselling help?

Just keep ignoring him and do not respond to anything because people like him get off on any sort of emotional reaction, bad or good. Are you sure there is no way of blocking him on email? How about redirecting anything from him to the spam folder?

Surround yourself with healthy people and confide to a trusted friend. Do things for you that makes you happy.