No Contact Support thread - anyone interested?

[52andblue]

Anyone want to join me?
(I'm currently on Day 6)

I won't go into huge details but I am trying to maintain NC with a narcissist (diagnosed, amongst other dx...) who has been in my life on and off for 30 years and mirrors a Narc relationship with my Mother. I've all the 'intellectual understanding' of it, but find NC hard.

@CrimsonFlags a whole month is a great marking point -well done!
Your list looks good too :)
I've to motivate 2 ASD teens out of bed (not easy).
At least I cant waste today on MN - I did a home blood test kit this morning (Thriva) and couldn't get any blood out so have stabbed each fingertip in my left hand and all too sensitive to type much now, lol!

Morning all!

Survived the dreaded V day, really surprised there wasn't outpourings of love on FB from mine, there usually is so guess things aren't so rosy there too.

As for things to look forward to, I have a lot really, and need to focus on those moving forward.

@CrimsonFlags a month is really good going! I agree with you re maybe if we had been doing the normal things then it would have helped get over them quicker, or at least not dwell on it all.

Well I caved.. I can't deal with the dangling of knowing he's as miserable as I am yet neither will do anything about it. (I know this but may be outing to put why) so I messaged seeing if he's free later if I ring.. He replied he is.. So wish me luck. Lots of tears looming but I just have to do this for my own sanity. Crap eve looms but I need to be able to move on

I hear you @Ntwa

I wish you LOADS of luck and will be thinking of you xxx

Evening everyone. I think I need this thread.

DDs dad and I split a while back but somehow we have ended up dating again. Ridiculous given the abhorrent treatment he’s given me. I’ve insisted it’s non exclusive as I cannot deal with him lying (again) so I’d rather complete transparency.

Ex has taken this to the extreme to ‘prove’ he can be trusted and has shared quite intimate conversations he’s been having with exes and a woman Polly whom he was seeing a while back). It’s clear he’s future faking them and has no intention of being with any of them and openly mocks them to me. I’m disgusted by his derogatory comments and know that he’s likely saying this about me too. So that should be enough for me to walk away shouldn’t it? But no, today he’s sent me suggestions for a late summer holiday and I caught myself actually debating it.

Today has taken its toll. One of his exes stalks my every move, saw a Twitter post (she’s blocked so she has fake accounts) and went catatonic on him today so he’s insisted I go private to keep the peace. Which I did. And I’m sat here thinking, we’ve had sex all week and now I’m letting his ex dictate what I do and post on my social media. Why am I allowing this?

This situation is beyond a mess, I know I need to go NC but it’s quite impossible because of my dd.

Someone slap me please.

Sending hope to everyone else on this thread.

Hi @lavieestbelle70 and Welcome! xxx

It's REALLY hard re NC with an ex who you have a child with.
I have two with my exH and I would love to go NC with him but impossible. My kids are 13 and 16 but have Autism so can't go between us independently / need a lot more input.
I DON'T have your experience of still being intimate with my ex like you currently do but I think the principles of NC for your own peace of mind still count.

I hope you can find company, support and some tips on this thread. x

Hello....please can I join?
Tomorrow will be day 1. I’ve tried before and always get sucked back in.

We were together 2.5 years. I’ve always had concerns about him and other women/cheating. He is very attractive and charming but can be very ugly.

I’ve been given the silent treatment by him a number of times. Last summer he was on dating apps and I “honey trapped’ him as I needed proof to confirm my intuition was right. He fell for it, I confronted him and i ended it. I was doing really well with NC but after a month I was sucked back in. I wish I hadn’t allowed myself to be sucked back in.

Fast forward to the last 2 weeks. He has some significant stress going on, I moved into my new place which he didn’t agree with. We had spoken about living together but after the separation in the summer I wasn’t prepared to become financially involved with him. He has made his disagreement with me moving very well known and has given little/no support. However did say he will move in at the end of the month when he needs a place to stay.

He’s been getting more and more distant and just over a week ago one evening I sent a text which has set off fireworks. It said that I was fed up of relying on communication just when it suits him. He gave me the silent treatment in return.

I sent a few messages basically saying if he’s switching off communication then it’s goodbye. I then blocked him.

Friday he started with emails and I engaged. The weekend we had a horrible text exchange. I told him how his silent treatment reopened old wounds relating to lies and cheating. He told me I was a cunt. He said that I am a bully, a dictator, that I should fuck off, that I am a nasty piece of work and that I am disgusting. He said I have treated him worse than anyone has ever treated him.

His issue was my blocking him in response to his silent treatment.

He is now saying that he has to deal with his stressful situation on his own and I have made him homeless.

He then wished me happy valentines on Sunday. After the nasty names he called me. At the time I was clear he was being abusive and needed to stop. I shouldn’t have engaged.

There have been breadcrumb messages from him today’s telling me how stressful his situation is. Tomorrow is day 1.

Wish me luck and I’m so sorry for the long message, thanks for reading

@52andblue thanks.
It was hard in ways he seemed to calm and collected at first, I now see its because he thought I was going to contact him due to lockdown, so didn't think anything of a bit of space?!.. We actually had a laugh
Then I told him he needed to get get his stuff and it started hitting home.
He's told me to keep some stuff (memories) and he will be in touch re the rest. That's it then.. We have sent a couple of messages back and forth.. I feel broken and have cried since

Ach that sounds hard, @Ntwa
I hope you get a good nights sleep and tomorrow is a peaceful day x

@52andblue thanks. I slept dreadfully. Have woken feeling terrible. How can this feel like a right decision when I hurt so much?

I think that sometimes things that will be better for you in the long run, can be very very painful at first. Like eg, stopping drinking if you've got dependent on it, or stopping taking painkillers / antidepressants if they once made you feel better but now don't / make you feel worse?
I'm not comparing your NC to an addiction, and I don't know you either soI can only speak from my experience.
I know that the 'false high' I get from NC - when that is turned off (either by me or him) I feel awful. But I know that I don't want to rely on it and I'm better going through that painful transition to come out the other side more independent & feeling more self reliant. My prob is that I weaken and then have to go through it again and again.

I hope you can be kind to yourself today. Please accept a virtual hug.x

Evening all, not had a chance to read back properly so apologies.

Hi and welcome to all newbies. @Ntwa sorry you slept badly and are still hurting. It is difficult when the NC is on /off I find. I've not had contact now for three weeks, it's the longest in a long time, but there is no way we can contact each other so I have to suck it up, but it still really hurts. I was thoroughly miserable yesterday and like you had a dreadful night.

@52andblue I have likened this to an addiction before, I was and still am addicted to this person.

I had a really good chat with a good friend today, we work together too and were in the office at the same time so that really helped, so much so I am not drinking tonight for the first time in three weeks.

I am going to more than likely see him at work in a few weeks, I won't have to speak to him but it is likely our paths may cross, but she will be there with me, supporting me. It will be good to get that first one out of the way. Although I am already dreading it!

Take care all and hope you all sleep well, speak tomorrow!

@52andblue thanks. I've cried a lot tonight, spoke to 3 different friends and cried some more. I feel like my heart is breaking. I now have the painful part of waiting for him to collect his stuff.. I really don't want that to happen. I miss him and everything we had so much already

Morning all, I haven't checked in for a few days. He contacted me via Facebook messenger, his phone number is deleted. It has made me feel really anxious and worried as I'm so scared to go back into the cycle. This morning he has sent a message asking if I'd like to go for a walk. So my brain starts to romanticise it thinking oh, perhaps it will work out long term, he doesn't give up easily, he is 'fighting' for me etc but.. I just feel anxious at the thought, what I'll say, that I'll lose my control. Although NC was hard it was 'safe' if that makes sense. Does anyone else get bad anxiety at any contact?
Sending strength to you all

Hi all, can I join please? My bf of nearly three years has gone silent on me again. This has been happening more frequently of late and his reasons are things like me not calling him enough. It seems to be a tiring cycle where I do something to displease him, he goes quiet, I try and appease him, things get better and then repeat!

@breakingupbadly72 I'd feel the same, it's the hardest. Mine sent me an odd message today considering the circumstances and I'm lost again.

@thenextmrsjonsnow mine does this too.. Days, weeks.. I ended it, he doesn't see any harm in it, it's mentally breaking me. I sympathise

Evening all..I've just come across this thread and couldn't be better timing for me.

Mine is a long and complicated story going back nearly 9yrs
I've bee. NC in the past even for months at a time..but we have DC together makes it so much harder..
But once again after the last text he sent calling me a slut.(not the first time) I've been NC 10 days now.
Yes he's definitely narcissistic, and emotionally and mentally abusive.i was always told I owed him! Every single time he would do me "a favour"
On paper he's perfect..not so much behind closed doors.
I usto believe he was a great dad..and they absolutely adore him.(hence being sucked back in to may times)
Only been recently reading so much on MN I no longer believe that! He will disappear for weeks or months..and lie his arse off to anyone who will listen that some how it's all my fault he hasn't seen his own DC!..
This man actually spent thousands of pounds taking me to court over contact with DC..and it was all just a big game to him..to prove he could still control me still scare me, and above all know I couldn't afford to fight back..I very nearly had a nervous breakdown!
And even tho I had proof (emails etc) I had tried to get him to see his DC..it made no difference..after all that..he still didn't stick to the court order ha..
Then Boom a few weeks later I'm back to cooking, cleaning his pants and listening to him make me feel shit for not always being ready to satisfy his needs! I could tell you so much more but I feel like I may have gone on a bit to much already..I'd just love to be able to support others and get some advice and support myself.
As it stands it's just me and 3dc 24/7
I have a serious health problem and no support bubble..we have left the house around 6 or 7times since last march.
So apologies I don't tend to post or talk to anyone in real life.
I so hope we all reach our goals and come out stronger and happier..
Oh and I do love a cuppa tea with cake 😋

Am really struggling tonight not to send a message. Any tips?!

@timeforteaandme sorry to read your post it's a tough old cycle isnt it, I really hope this helps you do a day at a time.
@thenextmrsjonsnow I get it, I did it today, I'm now upset and fuming at the responce I got so I'd say hide your phone and avoid

@Ntwa I have managed to distract myself by aimlessly starting and stopping stuff on Netflix. Not actually watching anything but trying to kill time until I am tired enough to sleep. Sorry to hear that you messaged and are now feeling worse. I guess start again tomorrow?

Hi all, hope you are all doing ok.

@Ntwa hope you are ok?

@thenextmrsjonsnow sound advice from Ntwa, don't message. You will regret it. I am watching so much rubbish on Netflix it is untrue!

I am going to start my embroidery again to try and distract me.

Saw my NC yesterday, I was driving, he just stood and stared at me as I went past, I just glanced at him as if I didn't know him, but then the shakes started and I was so upset after. This is a cycle we have been through before. I need to make sure I don't get sucked in again though.

@ineedaslap
@thenextmrsjonsnow

Thanks..im not OK. Think it would be too outing to post what's happened last couple of days but I'm dissapointed and upset by his behaviour.. What on earth happens to them? I just want him to get his stuff now and he's being awkward.. Sigh.
Hope everyone's doing OK

@ntwa what a shame. I hope he collects his stuff soon and you can go back to NC.
I'm really struggling, I miss the contact with mine so much. I want to see him as I have so much I want to ask and say.
I'm being careful what I put as don't want to out myself, it's difficult isn't it?
I hope you have a good weekend.
Hope everyone else is OK.

@ineedaslap thanks. I feel heartbroken

[quote Ntwa]@ineedaslap thanks. I feel heartbroken[/quote]
@Ntwa I feel for you.

I too am utterly heartbroken, I didn't realise until this happened that it actually truly hurts, I am in proper pain. Not sure how to get over this, if I ever will?