My boyfriend hit me

[Sadmom1013]

My boyfriend hit me
,I gave birth to our little boy 6 weeks ago
About two weeks ago we had a bad argument he he grab my cheeks so hard and chocked me we apologised to each other as some hurtful things were said and he felt bad for putting hands on me .
Early Monday morning we had an argument he was clearly drunk he ended up punching me giving me a black eye,strangled me and jammed me in between the back of our sofa and bed .
While he was strangling me I bit his hand and scratched him to get off me and I was kicking my legs about he’s got a black eye but not as bad as mine.

Straight after this he started crying saying what are we doing .
He’s apologised to me and recognises he’s made a mistake and he’s a different person when he’s drunk and he’ll change for the better and won’t ever drink again.
He begged me not to leave and he’ll change for the sake of our family

I’m only 22 I don’t know what to do I’m just seeking advice from a really dark place please don’t judge me

Shelly is trolling please ignore his posts OP.

Contact the support organizations that have been linked by other posters and get yourself some help x

He hit you then apologised. Yet he couldn't go even another 2 weeks without hitting you again.

When he argues or gets drunk with mates, I bet the cowardly bastard doesn't hit them. He is a thug, spoiling what should right now be beautiful family time.

You are so young. With your life ahead of you. He doesn't own your life. Please listen to what everyone is telling you, and get out of there. Protect yourself and your child. You can and will manage without him.

If someone hears or sees you fighting, you do know you risk your child being taken away by so I'll services/if police turn up they make a referral to social services? He needs to be gone.

He is trash and will drag you down into trash life. You've just had a baby he is spoiling what is beautiful family time. He doesn't deserve you.

Good luck with everything

Ignore Shelly
Please listen to all the other people teiiling you to leave for yours and the baby’s safety

Your choice comes down to this

Stay , and be beaten again or killed , with risk he will turn on the baby and when ss find out , your child will be removed

Or leave , be free. , get support , be safe , and have a happy life with your child away from him

Make the right choice , for your baby sake xxx

I’m new to the thread, so sorry what you are going through.

Shelly is a troll and best thing to do with them is ignore.. Most people will think what the rest of us think, you were doing what you needed to to prevent him strangling you and killing you.

Please rethink about stopping posting, you have been attacked and there will be an element of you being in shock. This is a place you. Can work through that and work out what to do next.

I’m 50 and have a daughter your age. One of the benefits of being half a century is you get to see and hear a lot over that time. I know that overall people will believe you and also that you are in a very dangerous situation for both you and your baby. You have survived him attempting to kill you twice but may not the next time he tries to and without something happening to prevent him, there will be a next time.

Fucking well done shelly. You've sent a victim back to her abuser. Twat.

Sadmom, please, please don't listen to shelly. YOU are a victim, not him. The police know the difference. You have to leave. Please.

@Sadmom1013
Did you see what I said about Shelly? This person has no posting history.

Please ignore people like this. Advance search her and me for example. I have thousands of posts. Then do the same with someone else but bear in mind certain people name change regularly.

There are a few long standing members on this thread as I recognise their names. Then think who you should believe. The compassionate posters, who’ve been here a long time or one posting victim blaming shit.

The troll poster is probably abusive themselves defending an abusive man,
Why are you listening to them?
Other posters here included a doctor, social workers etc who all advised you to seek help. That you will be believed.

You acted in self defence.

He hit you. He tried to strangle you. He has done this before.
You feared for your life, on more than one occasion.
You thought he would kill you, you were being strangled and were not able to breathe.

You acted in self defence.

I will be closing thread soon.
It’s better to stay quiet on the situation most people and possibly the police will view it how Shelly has and I don’t feel like I’ll get anywhere

Thank you for the advice but I’m too scared

I wonder why Shelley's words matter to you more than others?

How can you decide what the police will say, just like that?

If you stay you'll be back posting here again. & as for "scared" - you'll be scared anyway, the trash you're with will bear that fear further into you

In the meantime - good luck

@Sadmom1013

Please leave now and seek safety. I have been the baby in this situation, you need to protect them.

BTW my Mum hit my Dad with a hammer in a similar situation - he was trying to strangle her. The police believed her, even though he was injured.

No one will believe him or take your baby away. Ignore the stupid troll on here.

Piss off @shellydashock

OP, please get help. For your own sake and that of your baby. You are in such real and terrible danger, both of you.

@Sadmom1013

I will be closing thread soon. It’s better to stay quiet on the situation most people and possibly the police will view it how Shelly has and I don’t feel like I’ll get anywhere. Thank you for the advice but I’m too scared

They won't. You've got to be brave and ignore Shelly- they're just looking to be controversial and don't care who they hurt in the process.

Every year, 50,000 women worldwide are killed by intimate partners or family members. Be scared of that, OP, not of the (likely fake) opinion of some anonymous poster hiding behind their keyboard.

You are not to blame. Please call and seek help from women’s aid , or a domestic violence support line.

Millions of women worldwide experience domestic abuse and call for support daily. Please don’t feel ashamed. Nobody deserves to live with emotional and physical abuse or fear for their life in their own home.

He can not keep his promise of never drinking again, and you are not responsible for his behaviour, nor are you his punching bag.

OP, maybe a couple might see it how Shelly sees it, but as you can see, the OVERWHELMING MAJORITY see it as you doing anything you can to get him off your throat and to stay alive. Please take the MAJORITY of posts into account, not the Shellys who are too low for words. I gather Shelly doesn't believe in self-defence classes, either.

Consider this. You stay with him, he goes too far next time and succeeds in killing you.

Your son is virtually now, an ORPHAN. Because, you are dead, and his father is in jail for your murder.

Your son will be raised in foster care or a home.

Please, please, please consider that before choosing to stay with this man who I promise you, will murder you.....sooner or later.

And what will happen to your baby if he eventually succeeds in killing you?

@Sadmom1013 please get help.
Don't listen to @shellydashock .
You were acting in self defence. At least talk to women's aid.

@shellydashock

Comments like what. I'm only reading what is written.

It sounds like it's got a bit heated between them and the child is the immediate and primary concern. DV isnt a gendered issue.

@shellydashock Wrong again. 2 women a week are killed by their partners due to domestic violence - it is very much an issue affecting the female sex.

But I suspect you know that and aren't actually interested in reality.

What exactly are you trying to achieve here? If your aim to to keep a woman and child in a dangerous and unstable situation an prevent them seeking the help and support they need, congrats you've done that

@Sadmom1013

I will be closing thread soon. It’s better to stay quiet on the situation most people and possibly the police will view it how Shelly has and I don’t feel like I’ll get anywhere. Thank you for the advice but I’m too scared

@Sadmom1013

Unfortunately folk like Shelly sit at home with no family or friends, leading bitter and vindictive online live because they're too pathetic to interact with actual people in the real world.

Don't give her any power by paying attention to get deliberate attempts to manipulate you. Ignore her

@Sadmom1013

I will be closing thread soon. It’s better to stay quiet on the situation most people and possibly the police will view it how Shelly has and I don’t feel like I’ll get anywhere. Thank you for the advice but I’m too scared

Hi sadmom I’ve reported your comment and asked Mumsnet hq to talk to you off the board. Not because you have done anything wrong but because I’m now really worried. If they do contact you, please talk to them. They have a lot of experience with the abuse you are suffering.

@shellydashock is completley wrong. Please, please, please do NOT listen to her and get out of this situation, go to the police they categorically will not veiw it the way you think they will! Police deal with domestic violence all the time, they know what happens, they know what it looks like, they know what defensive wounds look like!! Please for the sake of your baby - go to the police and leave this man! He could kill you, he could kill your baby, social services will very likely take your baby away if you don't leave. So many posters are telling you that you need to leave, so many, they are telling you for a reason. Please don't let one stupid person commenting - who is likely just a vile, vile troll - atop you from doing what you have to do for your babys sake if nobody elses.

@Sadmom1013 another saying ignore Shelley if you do follow @Mummyoflittledragon advice and do search history on others, use me I’ve been around for ages.

The problem with people like Shelley she is feeding into your own anxieties, which is why you are so quick to believe her and no one else, when she is one sole voice amongst many many others telling you the opposite.

When is your health visitor rescheduled for? Show her your bruises, ask her advice, she will help you and is a much less scary professional to open up to than having to buck up courage to go to the police. You need to talk to someone in real life.

Please please do this, I don’t want to be reading the news and hoping that the abused wife and baby in the article isn’t you.

@billybagpuss
Yes, you were one of the people I was referring to.

I agree with you. I also don’t want to read about an abused wife and baby in the papers and wonder if it is sadmom.

@Sadmom1013
I’ve just had confirmation from Mumsnet hq that Shelly is now banned. That means we are all right. That person is a troll. See attached for proof - email from mnhq and a screenshot of deleted posts.

Please listen to billybagpuss Shelly has fed into your anxieties. We know nothing about Shelly. The could be woman or a man, even a domestic abuser.

OP I assure you I am a senior professional in this very field (severe domestic abuse up to and including homicide), have been for more than 2 decades. I know what I am taking about. Shelly is talking nonsense and you need to listen to the overwhelming mass of advice on this thread. Doing nothing is not an option, you need to speak to someone TODAY. Preferably the police but if that is too scary-sounding then your health visitor, social worker, or one of the helplines that have been mentioned. You need to tell them exactly what you said in your first post. Tonight is NY Eve, traditional free-pass-on-getting-drunk night even for people who don't normally get drunk. You are in danger. Please listen.

I have been on MN for over fourteen years, don't listen to someone who has no history and just popped in to create trouble for their own amusement.