OP please listen to what people are telling you. I have nothing more to add other than the viewpoint of someone who has been in abusive relationship with the father of my child myself (I’m also a GP). I know what a big deal it is to make the decision to leave, especially when you’ve just had a child together, and often people aren’t strong enough to make that decision right away. In your case there are huge flashing red alarm bells ringing due to strangulation, escalation of violence and a newborn in the home. So I don’t think you can afford the thinking time honestly (and if you strip this situation back to basics your baby is in harms way so you must act).
As others have said it’s really common unfortunately for this to start in pregnancy or postnatally. It’s how it started with me too. If you won’t do this for yourself, please do it for your baby. Imagine if he had lost his temper with the baby or the baby had been in the way when he was in the rage. I’m sure you know newborn babies are fragile and one blow, however mild, could kill them.
It is very unfortunate that your health visitor appointment was cancelled as that might have been someone you could have talked to about this. However don’t let that stop you making contact with the someone who can help. Police are always a good suggestion and WILL take this seriously. It is absolutely NOT YOUR FAULT and it’s ok that you hit back, indeed totally understandable and probably necessary to protect yourself in the situation he put you in. That’s on him NOT YOU. My ex tried similar tactics. Most abusive men do. They may try to pretend it was a two way fight but let’s be honest most men can easily overpower most women and it’s not a fair fight, police are used to hearing this nonsense excuse from abusive men and it won’t hold any water. You don’t want to give him the chance to go to police first and tell them that this was something you initiated, you need to get in there first with the truth.
And it’s common for them to apologise and appear remorseful after which I hadn’t realised when it happened to me. You already gave him one chance to change his ways and look what’s happened a short time later. This can’t go on.
The best people to speak to if you are not going to the police are probably the people who are trained specifically in domestic abuse support. The number for the 24 hour national domestic abuse helpline is 0808200247. If you are currently safe and won’t be overheard then please call them now. They can help you with every aspect of this.
You won’t lose your baby. Nobody can blame you for being hit. That’s not on you. As others have said, it will actually be seen as a hugely positive thing that you are willing to stand up and say this isn’t ok for the sake of your baby. You are also a care leaver and so it will be understood that you are unfortunately someone who is particularly vulnerable to abuse. Again, not your fault and this will be understood. Your baby is already in a difficult situation unfortunately as are you. Your baby can’t change the situation so you need to for both of your sakes, please please please. I don’t want to see another sad story of you both in the papers having been murdered by your boyfriend. Get out now. But like someone else said, be careful, don’t tell him you are leaving until it’s done and you are safe somewhere he can’t get to you.
You have my utmost sympathy, he’s put you in a completely horrible situation and I know it feels there is no way out. There is but it’s not going to be at all easy and you have to take it. But you have to do it for your child’s sake. You are both in a life threatening position right now.
If you don’t talk to police or domestic abuse charities, which is absolutely what needs to happen, at the very least I urge you to tell someone, take photos, keep a diary, build evidence for the future. And yes you may well have to explain to social services in the future why you did not leave NOW for your child’s sake.