Heartbroken, he wants space.

[yulelogc]

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

I might well choose a different girls name now. It does hurt that we picked it together.
Last night I had a bit of a wobble again, not like the other day but I did get upset.
I had hidden all his stuff from my news feed on Facebook and also was only popping on once a day to check for other peoples messages so I knew I wouldn't see anything of him... I wasn't even tempted to check but then I had a friend screenshot me his latest status. Basically saying he feels hopeless and sad right now, like he doesn't feel like a good dad.
Im not sure why it upset me so much, But he's got a lot of friends on there like 2000 and I bet he had so many comments telling him how great he his. I haven't read the comments and I won't.

Anyway today's a new day, I'm not going to let it get to me any longer.

Thank you for more supportive comments they really help me get through each day at the moment. Never thought I'd get so much support from strangers!

@yulelogc you need to tell friends not to send you his social media. I know they mean well but it really won't help. My friends still send me stuff from my ex 5 years on and I just don't see why they think I would care?

You're doing brilliantly despite what you may think x

Why the fuck would any good friend of yours have sent you that screenshot?

I did tell her not to now, she did apologise a lot and said she just didn't think. It's done now I suppose.

Definitely pick a different name. Again, ones he disliked should be high contenders 😇

And stay off SM. Maybe put up a post that you're taking a break from it and step away.

@CraftyYankee I have been taking a break, I literally have been going on for 2 mins a day to check my messages and nothing else, I didn't want to announce I was taking a break really. There are a couple group chats on there I do need to check every now and again that's all. But it shouldn't matter because I hid all his stuff! My friend does feel bad now

Yes definitely pick another name. Was there one you liked and he didn’t? He's pretty pathetic fishing for compliments to make himself feel better! It’s strange how people feel the need to update you on his moves. I had that too. They were doing it to share how stupid he was, but didn’t realise it would hurt (your friend should this soon after it’s happened). Chin up. You’re doing really well.

@Honeyroar yeah quite a few I like and he doesn't! I could easily pick one he didn't like if I wanted to! Baby was going to have his surname too, but I have definitely reconsidered that now.

Try and reframe him as a willing sperm donor. Give the baby your surname and first names you love.

I predict his narrative will be "she won't let be involved, she ended it, blah de blah"

God is he 12?

Who puts that sort of shit all over Facebook? Cringe.

Yes, don’t give the LO his surname as there’s a reasonable chance you will be doing most (if not all) of this without him.

You can have a lot of fun choosing girls’ names: there are so many lovely names to choose from.

I know @JudyGemstone. He's often put things on that have made me cringe... he often regrets it and deletes it! No idea if he's deleted this one, probably not because he's getting loads of sympathy I bet. The temptation to write "ah you're feeling hopeless and sad are you? Don't worry about the 34 week pregnant girlfriend you just dumped!!" But of course I didn't and I wouldn't!

I hope you're done reconsidering and definitely won't be using his surname? In fact better to wait until baby is born and registered before telling him of the arrival. I worry if he shows up full of more promoters and you with pp hormones he'll talk you into giving the baby his name and then disappearing again because it's too much for poor diddums. 🤬

*promises. I need to proofread!

I'm being induced. He knows the date and we have lots of mutual friends so he will know when the baby is here probably by the next day or so, although I'm going to keep it quiet for as long as I can I don't need him waltzing in when I'm sore tired and extra vulnerable.

I'd be tempted to reply to his status and say 'yes you are a shit Dad, you've just decided to abandon baby #2 before its born, the same as you did with baby #1. Seems to be a pattern of yours!

But that's me being a bitch

I remember your previous thread, he was happy to sit his arse on your sofa 5 nights a week and get his dinner cooked, lazy, selfish Cockfosters that he is. The pregnancy has affected your finances and he contributed nothing.

I note you say there were aspects of his behaviour/the relationship that you weren’t happy with but he has never properly addressed them and resorted to playing hot and cold. This is a controlling behaviour he used to get you to shut up and be grateful for his crumbs. This type of hot and cold makes you feel insecure and puts you on the back foot so you end up putting up with rubbish and going out of your way to facilitate a relationship you’re not even that happy with. It makes you beg for crumbs. See him for what he is, a useless idiot. I notice he’s now doing the ‘poor me’ act, he’s not capable of a committed adult relationship. So pleased you are starting to see him for what he is. It takes time and will be difficult but keep writing down the things that he did that weren’t ok with you and his real personality will gradually become clear.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this but please keep going, it will get easier.

Cocklodger!

It doesn’t matter whether he finds out or not. He had no right to waltz in until you let him. You’re not his bloody incubator! He can wait until you’re happy or strong enough to have see the baby. You’re not stopping his access, you’re just deciding when it can be. The world doesn’t revolve around him anymore and you don’t have to do things as he would prefer anymore..

Yeah that's true @Honeyroar.

Induction dates can be changed especially with the midwife shortage. If necessary tell him that it has so he can't pester everyone. I made the mistake of giving my DD the father's surname and had to have it legally changed. Make sure you change the first name otherwise he'll feel that you've still got feelings for him, which you won't by then. The way you feel now doesn't last and turns to loathing pretty quickly.

@yulelogc

I know *@JudyGemstone*. He's often put things on that have made me cringe... he often regrets it and deletes it! No idea if he's deleted this one, probably not because he's getting loads of sympathy I bet. The temptation to write "ah you're feeling hopeless and sad are you? Don't worry about the 34 week pregnant girlfriend you just dumped!!" But of course I didn't and I wouldn't!

I bet you were tempted to put this, I would have been!

Well done for resisting though 💪🏼

@JudyGemstone a couple of my friends wanted to comment but I told them to just leave it, if he wants a pity party he can go ahead!

He messaged me.... asking if he can see me tomorrow!! He even messaged my friend 🙄, saying he has asked to see me to "hopefully try and work things out"

Don't see him. He's testing the water to see how little scraps he can give as he strings you along.

Block him in every possible place until baby is born and registered.
Don't have him at the hospital when you're vulnerable, he can wait until you're home with the baby and sorted.

Please give the baby your names, not his.
I'd consider not having him on the birth certificate at all. You don't want to have to have his permission for everything for 18 years.

@Lemonpiano

Why the fuck would any good friend of yours have sent you that screenshot?

This!!!