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Original poster

Heartbroken, he wants space.

751 replies

yulelogc · 30/12/2020 01:04

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
yulelogc · 04/01/2021 14:09

@AmywithanL I doubt it no. Too much effort for him that is

OP posts:
okokok000 · 04/01/2021 14:24

You sound like you have your head screwed on.

Just remember. He asked to meet/speak before then left you hanging whilst he was "busy" in the pub. Then had the audacity to say he still needed space as though you were the one chasing him when he instigated the contact.

I strongly suspect he will still be undecided and he is just wanting to mess further with your head.

Given he is one of those people that seek validation from social media, he is just trying to do what he thinks will help make him look like the "good guy".

The reality is that he is a coward who doesn't really care about your feelings at all - it is all about him.

Original poster
yulelogc · 04/01/2021 14:28

@okokok000 yeah I think you have him sussed.
That's exactly right. He doesn't want anyone thinking he's a bad guy. I've been off social media too all weekend which normally I'm on a lot, so that's probably thrown him off too.

OP posts:
Dery · 04/01/2021 16:18

From what you say about double standards and how he has behaved generally, I’m guessing that deep down he thinks women are put on this earth to serve men. So glad you’ve got the measure of him in any case.

BlueThistles · 04/01/2021 16:27

[quote yulelogc]@okokok000 yeah I think you have him sussed.
That's exactly right. He doesn't want anyone thinking he's a bad guy. I've been off social media too all weekend which normally I'm on a lot, so that's probably thrown him off too. [/quote]
you've done great OP.. I know it's been painfully hard for you .. but you're definitely getting emotionally stronger.. day by day...

you're also bang on correct about him... keep ignoring him... let him tread the water... Flowers

mae2014 · 04/01/2021 16:48

Hey OP, how you feeling?Xxx

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/01/2021 17:19

If he wanted to break up,the way he went about it was so cruel, to keep leaving you guessing and trying to work out what he was thinking. What you have been going through sounds hard Enough without being pregnant.
Just wanted to say that you sound like a strong person with supportive friends and family around you and although this is tough, it sounds like you will get through this and be far better off being independent from the giant anchor who can now have as much space as he wants

Original poster
yulelogc · 04/01/2021 17:40

@mae2014 really shitty tonight. Even though I can see his flaws now, I still miss him unfortunately, it still hurts. Comes in waves... one min i think ok I can do this... then I think no I can't 😔. Being pregnant certainly doesn't help

OP posts:
AnImposter · 04/01/2021 17:51

You're doing AMAZING, and that is all 100% you. Give yourself some credit here x

Dery · 04/01/2021 17:55

It is going to be hard and up and down, OP. This guy had enough about him that you were ready to have his baby and build a life with him. You’ve now seen how flawed he is but your fondness for him isn’t going to evaporate within a few days no matter how pissed off with him you are.

It doesn’t help that he keeps trying to contact you. He’s already ended it by telling you he wants to be alone so now might be the time to ask him to stop contacting you because you’re finding it stressful. You could say (if you haven’t already) that you’ve accepted his decision and are now focusing on yourself, your DCs and the coming baby and will be in touch when there’s any news.

He was happy to play with your feelings when he thought he held all the cards and he does seem a bit non-plussed now you’re no longer asking for his care and attention. A decent partner doesn’t behave the way he did so you’re definitely better off without him.

mae2014 · 04/01/2021 17:57

You're being so strong, and I bet in the beginning you had no idea how you were going to get through the day and look how far youve come now, you did it and youre going to keep on going. You are so much more stronger than you think and we're all here with you..

Have you still managed to ignore his calls and texts? Xxx

Original poster
yulelogc · 04/01/2021 18:10

Yeah still ignoring him. I'm thinking I'll have to tell him to stop contacting me, and I'll be in touch when the babies here. I can't keep on like this

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 04/01/2021 20:51

Don't contact him.. it engages conversation... stay focused Flowers

sendingprayerstothosewhoneed · 05/01/2021 00:05

I would block him or change your telephone number.

3u33y · 05/01/2021 00:16

Absolutely block or change number

lilylongjohn · 05/01/2021 08:07

I'm going to go against the grain on this one, I think I would contact him. I'd send him a text along the lines of

'You asked me for space, so I'm giving it to you, I also need to look after myself. I will contact you with any important news, and when the baby is born, until then please don't contact me until you've made a definite decision about your future plans'

That way you can get on with your own life and it still puts the onus on him to sort his shit out. You don't have to agree with any decision he comes to, but by ignoring him, he can play the victim 'poor him, his pregnant gf has ghosted him etc'

tableanadchairs · 05/01/2021 08:41

Absolutely not ^^^
Why does he get time and space to decide what he wants and leave his pregnant girlfriend dangling.
Take control and block. He will never be the partner you want or deserve OP.

mae2014 · 05/01/2021 09:13

Morning,

Hope you had a good night sleep xx

If you're unsure whether to text or not, leave it another few more days and see. As each day pass itll get a tiny tiny bit easier.

Have you still managed to not text or did you decide to? X

sendingprayerstothosewhoneed · 05/01/2021 09:19

I really would not contact him as suggested above 🙄 you can't reason with stupid!
He's not a normal person he's a head fucking bellend. Remember that and don't get drawn in or you'll be back to square one.

Honeyroar · 05/01/2021 09:23

You don’t have to reason with him. Just tell him what’s going to happen. Once only. Before blocking. Then he’s got no excuse to keep nagging, whereas now he has a littlez

BlueThistles · 05/01/2021 17:17

'You asked me for space, so I'm giving it to you, I also need to look after myself. I will contact you with any important news, and when the baby is born, until then please don't contact me until you've made a definite decision about your future plans'

DO NOT SEND THIS

sendingprayerstothosewhoneed · 05/01/2021 19:04

Bloody hell I can't believe someone suggested to send the message above?! No wonder some people have so much trouble!

Original poster
yulelogc · 05/01/2021 20:01

Sorry not been on to update much had a bad day, not related to him but my kids and ex! I'm doing ok though

OP posts:
Cleverpolly3 · 05/01/2021 20:15

@lilylongjohn

I'm going to go against the grain on this one, I think I would contact him. I'd send him a text along the lines of

'You asked me for space, so I'm giving it to you, I also need to look after myself. I will contact you with any important news, and when the baby is born, until then please don't contact me until you've made a definite decision about your future plans'

That way you can get on with your own life and it still puts the onus on him to sort his shit out. You don't have to agree with any decision he comes to, but by ignoring him, he can play the victim 'poor him, his pregnant gf has ghosted him etc'

Jesus no
BlueThistles · 05/01/2021 20:19

@yulelogc

Sorry not been on to update much had a bad day, not related to him but my kids and ex! I'm doing ok though
OP I hope you are not too stressed... and are looking after yourself.. Flowers
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