Heartbroken, he wants space.

[yulelogc]

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

I wouldn't bother seeing him tomorrow. If you do want to see him, make it a date that's convenient for you, don't keep dancing to his tune.

Tell him your induction date has been changed to two days later.

The only people who need to know the real date are your birth partner and the person who is looking after your children. Swear them both to secrecy.

Your older children need to have their SM all locked down as private and not have him as a friend.

You will be out of hospital very quickly after the birth, assuming you and baby are well. Probably 6 hours for a VD and 24 hours for a CS. Remember there’s no visitors anyway.

Once you are home, go the same or next day to register the birth - with your choice of first name and your surname of course.

Then announce baby’s arrival and name on SM and text/ call him if you want.

He can’t persuade you of anything because name is already registered.

Remember - in the unlikely event that he has a change of heart, becomes father of the year and your end up happily married - you can always changed baby’s surname to his if you want.

[quote yulelogc]@JudyGemstone a couple of my friends wanted to comment but I told them to just leave it, if he wants a pity party he can go ahead!

He messaged me.... asking if he can see me tomorrow!! He even messaged my friend 🙄, saying he has asked to see me to "hopefully try and work things out" [/quote]
What do you think is his motive for contacting your friends?

What are you going to do about his request to meet?

I would suspect that he thinks Christmas is over and you've been taught your lesson so he can go back to the cocklodging that he was happy with and you'll accept that.
Just respond that tomorrow doesn't suit and you'll be in touch, for now you just need some space.

Also if I was your friend I would tell him in no uncertain terms to fuck right off!

He should not be messaging your friends to get to you. He is trying to suck you back into being his puppet. He has treated you disgustingly and doesn’t deserve your time but if you really do want to see him I would try to arrange it on a day u want so reply ‘ I am available on xx day at xx time if you wish to speak to me’ you are not his doormat.
Remember your worth xx

I wouldn’t meet him. Much as it’s obviously painful to have split up, you’ve sounded like you are getting stronger without his indecision. Don’t let him suck you back into it. You’ve really not got long to go, you need space, you can’t keep letting him upset you so much. It’s not going to help you or the baby. Tell him you need at least a couple of weeks to get your head round everything before you can possibly talk to him, perhaps longer as you’ll be near your due date then.

REMEMBER YOU CALL THE SHOTS NOW. HE’S LEFT, HE DOESN”T GET TO DECIDE. ITS YOU AND THE BABY THAT COME FIRST NOW.

[quote yulelogc]@JudyGemstone a couple of my friends wanted to comment but I told them to just leave it, if he wants a pity party he can go ahead!

He messaged me.... asking if he can see me tomorrow!! He even messaged my friend 🙄, saying he has asked to see me to "hopefully try and work things out" [/quote]
OP, is he blocked or not? How do his messages come through?

You will be back to square one if you will see him tomorrow. He is not begging you for forgiveness, he is not saying he is wrong - there is no point to see him at all, he will just hurt you more.

How self indulgent and thoughtless is he! These sort of people have no shame because they’re far too self obsessed to ever consider the impact of their antics on the other person. There’s literally no head room.

Don’t fall for his shit you deserve more.

You also deserve the truth and an explanation but I think you’ll be waiting forever for that.

Do not meet him.

Block him everywhere.

Block your shit-stirring so-called friend(s).

There is no reason for you to have any contact with him whatsoever now.

Give the baby your choice of name and your surname.

Do not name that arsehole on the birth certificate.

Good luck and hugs! You’re doing great.

I haven't replied to him.
I haven't blocked him because I don't really feel the need to. He can text but I don't have to respond, and I haven't.

My friend is a bit impulsive, she didn't think when she screenshot it, she just saw and did it and now regrets it. I've also told her to stop talking to him, I'm not really sure why she is!

He is not going to be my birthing partner, he is not going to come to the hospital, he will be seeing baby when I'm good and ready afterwards.

Good. Responding would be a terrible idea. Hold strong.

You sound rock solid, @yulelogc

Nice one.

My eldests dad broke up with me when I was 6 months pregnant, I had him in the room when I gave birth, I let him stay at my house for a week afterwards because I thought he needed to bond, then for almost a year I let him come round to my house weekends to see her...

When I think back, I was only thinking of him, his rights, wants and needs, and thought I was putting my daughter first, but While I did that I put mine aside and it took me a year to get over him.

I will never ever make that mistake again. This time, while I will obviously think about what's best for the baby, I will be putting myself first because I have to for my kids sakes. His needs and wants are not going to come before mine, not at all!

Seems to me that your friend is talking to him and he's somehow given her a sob story and perhaps even manipulated her into sending you the screenshot for attention. He wanted space but he has been bombarding you, I assume as you havent replied and now he is wondering how you can be so indifferent! He's had you on a string for so long, so its probably a bit of a shock to him. Serves him right! Good OP, keep it up and ask your friend to keep out of it. She needs to be there for YOU not him.

I had a cocklodger exactly like you, moving on with your life and putting yourself and your kids first is the best thing you can do. Believe me. Lose the bellend!

You sound so much clearer and stronger, OP. It’s terrific. I hope you’re getting the chance to pamper yourself a bit in the midst of all this.

Have RTFT and just wanted to say please don't get sucked back in by this guy, you are worth so much more. You're doing great, rise above his shit and focus on you from now on

To be honest, I doubt he would turn up anyway. He's always been flaky! I remember our 3rd date he cancelled because he was finishing work later than he thought, and didn't arrange for over a week afterwards... I should have taken note of that then! I'm so angry with myself for having such low standards I really am. Why did I ever accept not feeling secure in my relationship, I think I need help or I'm going to keep making the same mistakes over and over 😔

Realising the pattern is half the battle, op. Dont beat yourself up. I certainly look back on my dating history and cringe and I know many who do the same.

What's done is done. You move forward, stronger, more aware and in control. You can do this. X

@DangerMouse17 has it spot on. Hes only interested in trying to play some more games now because he can't understand why you haven't been chasing him. As soon as you respond you'll be stroking his pathetic ego and he'll clear off again safe in the knowledge that he's still wanted! He's a sick pathetic bellend

I haven't replied. I've just been burning stuff in the garden, I chucked in the lovey dovey Christmas card he got me!

He's still playing the victim the woe is me bollocks... he's a pathetic cretin that feeds off of the social media sympathies .. christ he makes me cringe... with every update..

Mr Nice Guy is nothing of the sort... 🌺

OP I'm proud of your stance.. you've suffering a great deal but standing firm... you are doing yourself proud ❤️

@C0NNIE

Tell him your induction date has been changed to two days later.

The only people who need to know the real date are your birth partner and the person who is looking after your children. Swear them both to secrecy.

Your older children need to have their SM all locked down as private and not have him as a friend.

You will be out of hospital very quickly after the birth, assuming you and baby are well. Probably 6 hours for a VD and 24 hours for a CS. Remember there’s no visitors anyway.

Once you are home, go the same or next day to register the birth - with your choice of first name and your surname of course.

Then announce baby’s arrival and name on SM and text/ call him if you want.

He can’t persuade you of anything because name is already registered.

Remember - in the unlikely event that he has a change of heart, becomes father of the year and your end up happily married - you can always changed baby’s surname to his if you want.

This with bells on.

Please, please don't give the baby his last name. And not for some revenge / bitter reason - but because it would make no sense. You are the baby's mother and you are not married so don't share a last name with this guy. You giving the baby his surname would basically be saying he has more rights than you, that it's more his baby than yours. Which is crazy!

As PP said if you did end up with him married then you could change your name(s).

He sounds so unreliable I couldn't trust him as a partner at all, no matter what bullshit he spouts when little one arrives and he wants to be a performance parent / disney dad. No doubt he'll do a Facebook status about being a dad to his new baby before he actually makes a real effort to do so.

I'm struggling tonight. It's so hard not to message him, so so hard. I've literally done so much around the house the last few days to keep myself busy I've got nothing left to do!

Your doing so well...just think if you cave and message him you will be back to square one again and you will feel shitty even longer...make him sweat and wonder what your doing cause for a fact that is what he will be doing.