Heartbroken, he wants space.

[yulelogc]

Partner of a year, don't live together at the moment but had plans to very soon as I'm pregnant. Things were good I thought then tonight he said he needs space.. but that's it. He won't tell me how much space, or if it means we are together still I have no idea and whenever I ask he just says he doesn't want to hurt me and won't give me a straight answer. I'm heartbroken. I want to know where I stand but also don't want to push. I know I need to give him space but it's so hard 😔 please help me get through this I'm devastated and so confused.

Did you have a read about the anxious attachment style? Might occupy you for a bit, and make sense to you. Also, Natalie Lue's 'Baggage Reclaim' site is good for steeling your boundaries.

I may have recommended this upthread, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself.

It's not surprising you feel the way you do. Such a sudden change. So rubbish of him.

@yulelogc just pleaSe, please, please don't fall for any of his crap ever again, no matter what he promises. It would be the easy option but it'll all go tits up again next time he wobbles and believe me he will.

@hashbrownsandwich I actually don't think it would be the easy option, I feel like if I spoke to him, he would just have lots of demands, and would want to slow things right down, hardly see me, do his own thing ect, and obviously I'm not ok with that. I do actually think getting back with him would end in tears unfortunately 😔. I'm not messaging him, I've ignored his last message asking to see me tomorrow and also asking if I'm ok!

It will end in tears you're right. Stay strong now, I know it's hard but in the long run much much easier

You’re really strong OP, well done. Leave him stew, the twat bag. Your future is for you and your kids x

Read everything you’ve written over the last few weeks. How he messed you about over and over about moving in. How he left you reeling over Xmas after walking away. I mean could he have made it any more cruel? A few weeks before you have his baby and Xmas/new year. He couldn’t have picked a worse time, but at least he had a few nice nights out to the pub! You don’t want to message him. You want to message the man you thought he was, but he doesn’t exist. You’re doing great, you’re going to leave this loser behind. You’ll have ups and downs, but you’ll get there.

Try some podcasts for distraction. It may also help to write down how you feel in a journal just so as to get the feelings out.

You are so right about his motives.. this is all about Him... not the baby... not you.. not your wellbeing... not your kids...

it's all about him easing his conscience ... 🌺

I think you are doing the right thing by ignoring him and that your gut instinct, that he wants to break up but doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy, by leaving his pregnant girlfriend, is also right. It sounds like he can't handle responsibility, he can be a great fun dad to his daughter because he does not have the day to day responsibility . He thinks he wants to be a proper family man, but the reality of it freaks him out. He wants a family he can dip in and out of when it suits him, as he has had with you for the last year, without having to commit. Although I doubt he would admit this, even to himself. I have known a man like this.
He has treated you very badly and caused you so much pain but you have coped remarkably well over the last week.
Sadly, you are also right that if you let him back into your life the pain will only continue; let him go and you will heal. Do not accept his crumbs, what message would that give to your daughters.
Have your baby, supported by your, lovely Mum and children and give your baby a name of your choice.
Continue to be brave for your sake, your baby's sake and you other children's sake.

I don't even think it's about him easing his conscience. I don't think he has one.

He seems to only text these "are you ok" messages and asking to talk/meet up etc when OP goes silent on him.

That is a typical game player who wants to keep someone hanging on for their own ego. If she begged for him back or replied to say no she's not ok then guaranteed he'd want space again.

He is literally enjoying playing with OPs feelings and that is what makes him the lowest of the low. Do not give him the satisfaction of thinking he is that indispensable OP as that's all he's after.

He text me again in the night asking to see me today... I've not replied. I'm starting to slowly see how self centred he is... I am slowly starting to see that everything was always on his terms. No more.

Keep ignoring him op. You are doing great xx

Well done OP.

Hang on in there. One day this won't hurt anymore

Keep on keeping on, you’re doing amazingly well, proud of you for your strength!

He's trying to regain control. You're doing brilliantly at not letting him. Keep it up.

You are doing really well. As you say, it’s all about him. You’re sounding stronger and clearer with each post, OP, well done.

Hope you’re getting a bit of rest.

It's great you are seeing him for what he is and not for what you felt you needed to change or fix.

He has behaved so bad, it's bad enough treating anyone like this let alone the woman carrying his baby that he fed constant false promises to.

I think you are doing great and will get stronger by the day. It's ok to feel sad, hurt and all those emotions, just keep your focus on you and your baby x

For someone who wants space he's spending an inordinate amount of time trying to get the op to interact with him.

I suspect he was hoping you'd be begging him to come back and would be willing to do whatever he wanted you to. That way he could continue to have the half hearted relationship and you'd be happy with the scraps he threw at you. But you've scuppered his plans and his ego has taken a bashing so he needs to get you back inline

I agree Lilylongjohn! He never shuts up for someone needing space. I wouldn’t ignore him, I’d tell him to back off, and that YOU need space. Tell him you’ll contact him when you’re ready. Then ignore him.

Blimey you are doing so well! So much progress in just a few days. I don't know you but am super proud of you.

The more I've had time to think about things, the more I've realised he is actually very self centred, and a man child. He wants everything his way but throw me some crumbs when it suits.... no, I'm not going to stand for it. I'm not replying at all. He's also got double standards, don't want to go into too much detail on here because it's extremely outing but he's full of them.

Also, he always said his ex was controlling, she was horrible to him. He used to say sometimes "you're just like her" but I wasn't. I've never been a controlling person, never stopped him going out, never questioned what he was up to, I did actually trust him. And as for being horrible to him, I now know that was when I wouldn't do everything he agreed! She even warned me when I got with him that he was a man child. I'm such a mug.

It’s only a few days since you were trying to talk to him and he didn’t bother because he was in the pub. This is a dose of his own medicine!

Yes @Honeyroar. I was trying to get answers ect and he ignored me. So he definitely deserves the same x

Will he just show up at your door??