Wife wants a ‘break’

[Struggling73]

Hi all.
On Christmas Eve my wife of 3 months (been together 18 months but known each other 12 years) declared she wasn’t happy and I wasn’t the man she met 18 months ago. I was in shock. I knew things weren’t quite right but I put it down to work stress or something similar. She didn’t say it was over, but that she needed time to figure things out, and she could only do that if I wasn’t there. I agreed I’d try and give her some space afte Xmas but then Xmas morning came and it was torture. I left before lunch and spent the day and night in my car.
I’m now crashing with family. I’m broken, confused and upset. I love her to bits but I think it’s over

Sparklfairy Thank you for your kind words. Really appreciate the support

You'll be ok. I've seen hundreds of posters find strength in the face of horrible, unexpected and heartbreaking break ups, as well as helping to deal with my own. There's always someone around and you're never alone. Best of luck for tomorrow. Don't go too mad on the brandy as if you're anything like me your fuse may be shorter than usual if you're a bit hungover

Sparklfairy - I’ve stopped now. Only had a couple to calm myself. I’m dreading tomorrow. Really dreading it. But I’m doing it.

We’ll be thinking of you and wishing you the best tomorrow, OP. And as PP have said, keep posting here for support. There are always insomniacs awake in the night plus the American and Antipodean MN contributors help ensure there’s 24 hr cover!

Dery That’s good to know. I can’t see me sleeping much tonight :(
Thank you again

Dammit op, no Morrison’s where I live

Seriously, best of luck tomorrow. I know this is posted in Relationships but you have a resounding YANBU here!

Update: I’ve just had another message. I’m distraught. I don’t want to share it here but I can’t cope with this anymore

Oh op offering a hand hold. You dont have to mention anything you dont want to, but we will still be here to support you.

If it’s a suicide threat phone the police to request a welfare check.

@Struggling73 , I’m so sorry, I really hope she isn’t being any more cruel than she already has been.
You maybe need to brace yourself, she obviously thought she could call all the shots and has realised she can’t.

Apologies if this isn’t the case.

Agree she's probably upping the ante to try and take back control.

Agree with Fluffy , don’t hesitate to call for help if the situation seems to be getting out of hand .
But , by the same token, don’t give in to blackmail.
Always better to err in the side of caution though.

I’m so sorry op. We are all behind you.

Is it an emotional blackmail? You don't need to tell us the details. Just trying to make sure you stay grounded and see it for what it is, if so.

I’m really sorry this is happening, you must move back in (to a separate room) to secure your financial position although it is now clear there will be no resolution. Put the house on the market and hopefully it will sell quickly. If she’s not happy about this then she must move out. I’m guessing she has already thought of everything but it’s been such a short marriage I think she should not be able to claim half your assets. Are there any grounds on which the marriage can be annulled? Such as proof she intended to defraud you or non consumation? You need to gather your strength and contact a lawyer as soon as possible.

How utterly heartbreaking OP 😞😞

@Struggling73, I know I'm a bit late to the party, but I have read your entire thread, and I think your wife has treated you appallingly!!!!

Just want to reiterate what the pp have said in that we're all supporting you and will be with you spirituality

Struggling73 I have only just read the thread and let me say I've been routing for you.

Please be assured the previous poster with young children who mentioned needing space from her partner is nothing like your situation. He/she mentioned their partner "forcing" their way back in which is so messed up.

I don't know how much your wife contributed to the deposit (apologies if I've missed it) but you're paying for it every month. She has no right whatsoever to demand you leave.

Her saying it will be the end if you move back in made me think she had planned this and/or she's cheating. Either way she sounds awful.

I also think she's a terrible mum to move through the relationship stages so quickly with someone. Let alone then kick out the person they've probably only recently got used to. It shows she only cares for herself.

I really, truly, wish you all the luck, love and happiness in the world.

Hi OP, I have read your thread and your last comment. I hope you are ok. Remember that time will pass and it won’t always feel so acute. You’ve had lots of good advice on here and I’m up for the next hour or so if you want to post.

Oh mate, sorry it's got worse for you.

I'm really sorry OP. She is behaving in an incredibly selfish way. It's okay for you to set boundaries for respectful discussions and to not allow her to blackmail you or call all the shots. You're a person too! And you didn't choose this.
I really hope you're okay.

@Struggling73 I’ve just read your entire thread and I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Just know that you’ve got loads of people here who will lend a sympathetic ear and a handhold x

Thanks all. I’ve been sat in the dark for 3 hours trying to gather thoughts. I’m struggling so much - I really don’t know what to do now

Any threats of suicide by your wife should definitely be handed over to the police for a welfare check.

I hope she is not upping the manipulative behaviour because she realise you are returning to your home.

Remember her daughter thought her fine.

Whatever she wants, you need to return to your home asap.

Stay strong.

Has something changed from her message last night? Are you ok?