Wife wants a ‘break’

[Struggling73]

Hi all.
On Christmas Eve my wife of 3 months (been together 18 months but known each other 12 years) declared she wasn’t happy and I wasn’t the man she met 18 months ago. I was in shock. I knew things weren’t quite right but I put it down to work stress or something similar. She didn’t say it was over, but that she needed time to figure things out, and she could only do that if I wasn’t there. I agreed I’d try and give her some space afte Xmas but then Xmas morning came and it was torture. I left before lunch and spent the day and night in my car.
I’m now crashing with family. I’m broken, confused and upset. I love her to bits but I think it’s over

It is horrible, certainly not what I pictured when starting the New Year. But better things await, as they will for you too.

This bit is the worst. The eye of the storm I guess! But you will come out the other side (perhaps a bit battered but you will be happy again )

FarFromTheMaddeningToddler - here’s hoping so. I’m yet to be convinced, but who knows

@Struggling73

PurplePansy05 It’s great news if you have the first clue about the dating scene. Some of us will be lost 😳

Ha! Don’t worry, you won’t be alone. I haven’t dated since 2010

Good luck for going back home.

Everyone is right, if she wants space she can be the one to go find it elsewhere.

FarFromTheMaddeningToddler - the only chance I’ll stand of meeting someone is in Morrison’s!

Whatsnewpussyhat - thank you. I hope I don’t regret going back tomorrow

@PurplePansy05 let us all know how you get on

Struggling (we need a new name for you!) Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your happy life. Be firm and explain to her what is going to happen. Rather than using sentences like 'what do you want to do' it's better to say 'this is what I think we should do' so you're not giving the power and choice to her!

Good luck, we'll all be thinking of you!

AppleJane - that’s good advice, thank you.

What are you drinking tonight, OP? Hope you're enjoying, I'm raising a glass of lemonade to you. Don't get yourself too smashed though before tomorrow

@AppleJane Thank you It's all the usual early on struggle, MN has been a very welcome distraction today

I’m not so sure you should go back as you lose the ability to say you’re doing all you can to sort it - could you say you’ll compromise with a proper talk in person but say you’ll leave again afterwards? Or even better meet for a walk? Although I think you should take notes when you speak with her and that would be harder when walking - I mean literally take a pen and paper and write down what she says is wrong. If she says things like ‘you know what’s wrong’ then ask her to give you an example. Oh, and don’t text her daughter. It’s not the daughter’s job to act as a go-between or reassure you that she would be happy for you to come home - it’s not the point - your wife is not happy for you to come home. Leave her out of it and don’t discuss your marital problems with her.

the only chance I’ll stand of meeting someone is in Morrison’s!

Better wear a fetching frock next time your in morrisons @purplethrow

@Purplethrow Deli section, I reckon, it's where the romance begins

MaryLennoxsScowl - valid comments, but not really no. I need to work for a start. As I’ve said, there are financial implications of paying the mortgage and renting somewhere on top too.
As for her daughter I haven’t initiated anything. And we have talked but not about specific details. I agree, it’s not something she should be in the middle of at all

Purplethrow I’ll send you my postcode if you like 😂

PurplePansy05 - brandy, but don’t worry. Just a couple to take the edge off ... hic ;)

@PurplePansy05 , I can imagine . I’ve always felt romantic when I’m buying a quarter pound of Yorkshire ham !

@Struggling73 enjoy your brandy .

Try to be mad, rather than sad. If it's over for her, there's no fighting for you to do. Get her to explain the practicalities to you, she's had time to think, you don't just JUMP at "put the house on the market" after 3 months of marriage. Can she buy you out? Can you buy her out? Would it be a desirable property, ready to sell? Where will she live in the meantime? You're paying the mortgage, keeping her credit file clean - could she do the same for you? Where would you go? She's made this happen, the wheels start turning, she'll have to come to the party with something. I'd be pissed off if my husband changed drastically within 3 months of marriage, I might nag him to shower more or something, but a decent person doesn't put their new spouse out of the house on their first married Christmas, or EVER. She dropped the bombshell on Christmas Eve and made you feel uncomfortable in your own home. Thats a special kind of bastard-ness!! If there's any comfort, it will be easier to split after 3 months than 3 years or 30 years. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING TO THE DAUGHTERS ABOUT HOW YOU'RE FEELING. Facts only. And not facts to make yourself known as a victim "my back's really sore from sleeping on the settee" No no no! Their loyalty will be to their mother, and even if they think she's batshit crazy, be a role model, someone who will not rise to the drama, who is dignified, and lovely - because you genuinely sound like a good spud.

[quote Purplethrow]@PurplePansy05 , I can imagine . I’ve always felt romantic when I’m buying a quarter pound of Yorkshire ham ![/quote]
Shouldn't that be naice ham?!

TripleSeptic - that’s an amazing lost, thank you

Post* ! Brandy is kicking in

@Purplethrow Nothings screams romance more than prosciutto & melon IMO. Can't go wrong with some Mediterranean vibes 👌

OP - Glad you're having Christmassy brandy at what must have been a pretty shitty Christmas. I hope the New Year treats you kinder. It's no bullshit about New Year & new beginnings, you know.

@PurplePansy05
@AppleJane

This is why I love MN see, we're not all man hating harpies

We're all behind you OP. Regardless of your wife's feelings on your marriage she is not treating you with respect or kindness.