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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship with boss. Need friendly advice please.

153 replies

lippyliz · 27/12/2020 16:10

My boss made his feelings clear for me as soon as I started working for him two years ago. He’s not my normal type, much older, grey, very heavy but a lovely man. I’d come out of a relationship so I was very uncertain at first. Not long a after we became close emotionally he told me he was married and had been for over 20 years with no kids but that they aren’t close, live very separate lives, separate beds and no sex. We embarked on an emotional and intimate affair although not fully sexual as he’s impotent. We’re looking for a house for him to rent so that he can leave his wife but we’re struggling to find something suitable. I want him to tell her he wants a divorce pending finding a house, he wants to wait until he find a house so that he doesn’t have to live in an uncomfortable environment. I’m getting fed up of waiting, he says all the right things but no evidence of leaving other than looking for houses. Work will be incredibly hard as we work so closely as I’m his assistant and I love him dearly. Please give me some advice on what you think. I know there will be the usual, are you sure they don’t sleep together and aren’t close but yes, I’m 100% positive, far too long winded to go into detail. He had a lot of trauma in his early years with abuse etc and I know that making a decision which is such a change is hard for him but I’ve waited long enough. Do I hang son for a few more weeks to see how the housing market goes and test his promises or do I really look at whether I want to be in this relationship.

OP posts:
Yeahnahmum · 28/12/2020 11:20

So. He is married. Impotent and much older.

And your boss

Sounds like you find yourself a winner...

JohnMcClane · 28/12/2020 11:27

You've had some good advice here OP and I know much of it has been quite 'robust'. Well done for ending it, that can't have been easy. Stick to your guns and try to remain professional at work, whatever you think of him now he has to ability to make this very difficult for you.

Going forward it is worth having some counselling to help you understand why you are attracted to toxic men. Good luck

SunshineCake · 28/12/2020 11:37

In these situations the bit on the side nearly always thinks they are so amazing, and their relationship is so fabulous, that things will be different with them. What with being so amazing the cheater does leave his wife for them.

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