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Original poster

Relationship with boss. Need friendly advice please.

153 replies

lippyliz · 27/12/2020 16:10

My boss made his feelings clear for me as soon as I started working for him two years ago. He’s not my normal type, much older, grey, very heavy but a lovely man. I’d come out of a relationship so I was very uncertain at first. Not long a after we became close emotionally he told me he was married and had been for over 20 years with no kids but that they aren’t close, live very separate lives, separate beds and no sex. We embarked on an emotional and intimate affair although not fully sexual as he’s impotent. We’re looking for a house for him to rent so that he can leave his wife but we’re struggling to find something suitable. I want him to tell her he wants a divorce pending finding a house, he wants to wait until he find a house so that he doesn’t have to live in an uncomfortable environment. I’m getting fed up of waiting, he says all the right things but no evidence of leaving other than looking for houses. Work will be incredibly hard as we work so closely as I’m his assistant and I love him dearly. Please give me some advice on what you think. I know there will be the usual, are you sure they don’t sleep together and aren’t close but yes, I’m 100% positive, far too long winded to go into detail. He had a lot of trauma in his early years with abuse etc and I know that making a decision which is such a change is hard for him but I’ve waited long enough. Do I hang son for a few more weeks to see how the housing market goes and test his promises or do I really look at whether I want to be in this relationship.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/12/2020 16:33

I have two older teenage daughters

You're involved with a man who's cheating on his wife and who Is lying to both of you left, right and centre. Is this really the example you want to set for your daughters?

Motnight · 27/12/2020 16:34

You could either go to Ikea or better still end the relationship. Up to you.

Original poster
lippyliz · 27/12/2020 16:34

@gypsywater

Also would you like his fat impotent ass if he wasnt a MD with an "incredibly big house"?! Nope.
You’re absolutely wrong about that. Absolutely wrong. I’ll defend myself on that comment. The other comments I can take but his money, house and stature means nothing to me. I pay my way
OP posts:
gypsywater · 27/12/2020 16:34

I still think you could do better.

Original poster
lippyliz · 27/12/2020 16:36

@gypsywater

I still think you could do better.
Oddly enough I agree with you but love is one of those pain in the arse things where it builds up and up and up and before you know it wham bam you’re posting on mumsnet for strength to do something you think you know you should be doing.
OP posts:
BMW6 · 27/12/2020 16:36

Don't be a bloody fool OP. IF he was so unhappy in his marriage why didn't he leave her before he met you?

I wonder if he won't end his marriage because his wife would, quite rightly, be entitled to 50% of the marital assets, pension etc.

He is lying to his wife and I believe deceiving you too. What is lovely about that?

Roselilly36 · 27/12/2020 16:36

Strange how this type of man aren’t sleeping with their wife.

Don’t be naive OP, of course they are, but they fancy a younger bit on the side. Don’t be used, you are worth far more than that.

Christmasnamechange1234 · 27/12/2020 16:40

Are you ok with not being able to have a sexual relationship with him? That would be a deal breaker for me.

Suzi888 · 27/12/2020 16:42

If the marriage is genuinely over, why have they decided to stay together?
At the moment he’s literally having his cake and eating it, there’s no incentive to leave. Surely his wife knows/suspects he’s cheating? Though if he’s impotent, perhaps not! Confused

As pp said, you sound like you could do so much better!!!!

Hoppinggreen · 27/12/2020 16:42

Well he’s a catch isn’t he. Presumably he’s got money?

Original poster
lippyliz · 27/12/2020 16:44

@Christmasnamechange1234

Are you ok with not being able to have a sexual relationship with him? That would be a deal breaker for me.
The doctor believes it’s down to his high blood pressure and weight so I’d be hopeful for the future but if not for reasons I won’t go into, sex isn’t the main thing for either of us, we are intimate though so I don’t go totally without.
OP posts:
Original poster
lippyliz · 27/12/2020 16:46

@Hoppinggreen

Well he’s a catch isn’t he. Presumably he’s got money?
Like I said previously, I’d rather earn my own money, not interested in what he’s got and I pay my own way.
OP posts:
supersop60 · 27/12/2020 16:49

Oh OP.
Please listen to us (especially those of us who are wearing the t-shirt)
He does not love you enough to leave his wife. He is lying to her, so he's probably lying to you.
When it all comes to a head, and it will, there will be a whole heap of pain for everyone involved.
Get out now, sort yourself out, and find someone decent who wants all of you.
Good luck.

Nomoresleeps · 27/12/2020 16:49

Do you really think he hasn’t moved out because of the ‘housing market?’

He’s obviously loaded so could probably take his pick or like a pp said, go to IKEA for the furniture Confused.

Nomoresleeps · 27/12/2020 16:50

If you’ve got teenage children and he is ‘much older,’ how old is he?

Pechanga · 27/12/2020 16:52

I think he's a lot closer to his wife than he's led you to believe and that he really has no intention of actually leaving her. It's very hard to walk away from 20 years of love, friendship and such a long standing partnership.

He probably does have feelings for you, but up until now has been able to have both you and his wife in his life (so has enjoyed both relationships and what they have to offer)...he hasn't been forced to choose and is probably hoping to keep dragging this arrangement out as long as he can. It must be great having two woman love you and want you and enjoy the best of each of them - lucky him. (Also an amazing ego boost for an ageing, overweight, impotent man)

If you really really want him, then you'll have to tell him you are going to take a break from the relationship until he's left his wife...and hope that he eventually takes the leap. However, be prepared that he probably never will actually go through with it and this will probably be then end of the road the you snd him.

If he does actually leave his wife for you, will you be able to relax knowing he's 'one woman down' in his life? He's used to having his cake and eating it - will he be bored with just one woman in his life, will he start looking for more excitement on the side when you are his only relationship? I don't think I'd ever rest if I were you, knowing I was so emotionally invested with a liar and a cheater.

Original poster
lippyliz · 27/12/2020 16:52

@Nomoresleeps

If you’ve got teenage children and he is ‘much older,’ how old is he?
For clarity to the other PP’s, my teenagers don’t know his situation.

They’re 16 and 18, I’m in my forties and he’s 60.

OP posts:
Sundance2741 · 27/12/2020 16:57

I don't think it's fair for others to comment on his physicality or to put him down when you say you love him.

But he certainly doesn't sound like he is committed to you and it appears you realise that. Issue an ultimatum and then break up with him if nothing changes. You wouldn't be posting if you were happy with the situation, so what else can you do?

It may be true love for you, but the situation isn't what you want. You know you'll get over it. Though I guess it's all complicated by the fact you work for him......not a reason to continue though.

Hoppinggreen · 27/12/2020 16:58

So that’s a yes then

HermioneWeasley · 27/12/2020 17:01

Oh love, he’s playing you. You deserve better

1forAll74 · 27/12/2020 17:03

Not only do you need to make some decisions, but your lover does too. If he feels the same way as you do regarding the future,then decisions have to be made one way or the other, upset,or no upset, it's only fair to wan't the truth with how you stand with everything.

I would not be so awful,to describe your man as not suitable, like others have done, only you know how you feel. So decisions have to be made,one way or the other I would say.

JovialNickname · 27/12/2020 17:08

You may also end up being a carer to this man (who with his high blood pressure, weight problems and impotence doesn't sound like he's in the best physical shape) in your fifties, just when your children have flown the nest.

zzizz · 27/12/2020 17:11

Oh OP. What happened to make you fall for this bullshit?

Even if the adulterous guy leaves his wife, how could you EVER fucking trust him?

tenbob · 27/12/2020 17:13

What attracted you to an elderly, overweight, impotent, lying rich man..? Hmm

DramaAlpaca · 27/12/2020 17:14

What on earth are you thinking, OP? You're being played like a fish on a line.

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