From your first post I would say that your h has these values;
A. Most domestic work is woman's work.
It doesn't matter if the woman works outside the home and brings in income, it's woman's work. I shouldnt be expected to do it. If I do do it, I'm doing her a big favour (because it's not really my work).
B. If the woman criticises or challenges me, I would have the right to be violent towards her. I'll be very civilised by giving her a warning about that; that should keep her in line and make he'd realised just how lucky I haven't just done it.
C. If she challenges/criticises me and we have a row; I have the right to eject her out of the home. I have the right to stay in the home while she's thrown out. Ergo I have more rights to the home than she does (regardless of what she contributes).
The punching things a while back was more of B. But a physical warning instead of a verbal one.
Lundy Bancroft and other similar authors (and the freedom program) define punching objects as abuse. It is a very clear warning of what he is capable of/will do. It's intimidation, without having to take the risks of putting his hands on you ie police being called, you leaving, people seeing it, neighbours hearing it etc.
You've mentioned something about clearing out accounts too, he sounds financially abusive and it tells you how he says finances and relationships.
He's showing you his values, very clearly.
And they do not seem to include equality, respect or sharing in a relationship.
Whatever you do, you need to see what his values are.