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Original poster

Is there anyone who ^would^ be ok with this?

473 replies

ByAnotherNameToday · 26/12/2020 06:54

I've been seeing a guy for a couple of months and its exclusive, he asked me to be his girlfriend all that. Not that it's relevant but just wanted to give some context. He's been very nice to me so far. Made a few porn related references/requests but has been respectful and not mentioned again when I've said no.

Yesterday, I spent the day alone - it was my choice. He had invited me over. Anyway, I anticipated a day of self indulgence but ended up just feeling melancholy and sad.

To 'cheer me up' he sent me a short video of something completely innocuous but at the end it transitioned to a brief 'porn' clip of a woman getting slapped in the face by an enormous erect cock. I'm aware it was probably set up but she appeared to be shocked by it and, tbh, it looked painful.

I saw it but didn't reply because I was feeling a bit crap and just couldn't be bothered dealing with it.

That was about 7pm and 40 mins later he sent a follow up message saying he had thought it was funny anyway.

I didn't respond to that either and heard nothing else.

I want to respond today saying something like, "Tbh, I'm never going to find sexual violence amusing. I think that's just exposed an incompatibility that means this isn't going to work for me. Thanks for a lovely couple of months but I'm going to leave it here."

I can anticipate his reaction that I'm over reacting and it's just a joke but I've been sexually assaulted in the past and raped and i just don't find it funny. I think its probably the sort of thing he and his mates send to each other and so won't see the problem with it.

It just put me right off.

But i am curious as to whether anyone would actually be ok with it?

OP posts:
SciFiScream · 26/12/2020 10:33

That's disgusting. You are right to end it there. Maybe try and make the woman human again (she obviously isn't if he's treating it like a joke) by asking how he'd feel if it was his face or his Mum's face slapped by an ugly penis.

TreacleHart · 26/12/2020 10:34

He's an idiot . You are well rid .

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2020 10:34

Have only read the OPs posts so I'm probably repeating lots of other people here.

No I would not be OK receiving that clip, and my response would have been way less considered and polite than yours - that was an excellent text to send to him by the way.

It does sound as if he is either deliberately testing your boundaries, or is so jaded (through porn use etc.) that he doesn't realise how unboundaried he has become. Either way, not a man I'd want around me.

Socialbutterfly198 · 26/12/2020 10:34

He’s 50 omg 😱

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/12/2020 10:35

Forgot to mention - him deleting his dick pic shows what a hypocrite he is, AND that he knows that clip is humiliating to the woman. Chilling.

Itsokthanks · 26/12/2020 10:39

No. What a turn off.

Original poster
ByAnotherNameToday · 26/12/2020 10:40

Skipsurvey

Tbh, i was hoping for a reason why women might find it actively entertaining/entertaining.

Because surely that should be our benchmark for jokes and what's funny.

Me with my own personal history wouldn't have had an issue with it.

Why though?

This is what I don't get. Why are so many women ok with other went being humiliated and degraded.

What is it that makes it ok?

Is it just that it would upset men if it were challenged?

OP posts:
Fressia123 · 26/12/2020 10:42

No. I like porn. Some people enjoy being degraded. One of my best friends is one of those. The lady in the video might have liked it who knows!

Skipsurvey · 26/12/2020 10:44

again op, dont dwell on it

OhDearMuriel · 26/12/2020 10:44

My opinion of him would have dropped to zero. If he doesn't know how inappropriate that is at 50, he's never going to know.

Was he generally immature/a bit of an imbecile?

In my experience shallow people like this don't have much intelligence - was that the case with him?

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 26/12/2020 10:44

@IDontMindMarmite

Shit like this makes me fucking terrified of what men talk about when they think women can't see/hear.
I agree. Sad

Watching people being assaulted isn't amusing, so in order to find a video of sexual assault 'funny', you have to view women as not fully human.

I wonder if these people find videos of animal abuse funny too?

tinselearedcow · 26/12/2020 10:44

This is what I don't get. Why are so many women ok with other went being humiliated and degraded

It's odd. Some sort of Stockholm Syndrome? A desire to seem cool? So desperate for a relationship with a man that their standards are really low?

1992serpent · 26/12/2020 10:45

How old are you OP? If young then he probably thinks you're very accepting of porn.

tinselearedcow · 26/12/2020 10:48

@Fressia123

No. I like porn. Some people enjoy being degraded. One of my best friends is one of those. The lady in the video might have liked it who knows!
There's a big difference between what floats your boat in the bedroom and the degradation of women who may have been trafficked or otherwise coerced into such acts for the viewing pleasure of others.
ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 26/12/2020 10:48

@Fressia123

No. I like porn. Some people enjoy being degraded. One of my best friends is one of those. The lady in the video might have liked it who knows!
"Might have liked it"

Only 'might? You know it's fairly slim odds, though, don't you? Women in porn are there for money, not for enjoyment.

You set your bar depressingly low, if you're happy to date men who finds videos like that funny, just because there is a very small chance the woman enjoyed it.

BeyondFrustrated · 26/12/2020 10:49

Oh God, he's 50 and sending stuff like that? What a massive turn off.

You deserve better.

Kettlingur · 26/12/2020 10:50

*Why though?

This is what I don't get. Why are so many women ok with other went being humiliated and degraded.*

Grooming and gaslighting, by the whole effing society.

Chamomileteaplease · 26/12/2020 10:50

I thought your text to him was perfect. No doubt he will reply on the attack though.

I am just curious, how can he delete a photo from your phone?? Sorry for the tangent Smile.

Snowy0w1 · 26/12/2020 10:50

that was a great text you sent

PickAChew · 26/12/2020 10:50

Yuck, no. If you stuck with him, it wouldn't be the last time, either.

Original poster
ByAnotherNameToday · 26/12/2020 10:51

It's odd. Some sort of Stockholm Syndrome? A desire to seem cool? So desperate for a relationship with a man that their standards are really low?

Actually, I think it might be because some.women have internalised the idea that to he attractive and desirable we must be sexually willing and available at all times.

Some people enjoy being degraded. One of my best friends is one of those. The lady in the video might have liked it who knows!

Maybe, but I'd want to know that was a genuine thing and not a trauma response to a personal experience and, even then, I wouldn't find it funny.

I wonder if these people find videos of animal abuse funny too?

He absolutely wouldn't find videos of animal abuse amusing.

OP posts:
ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 26/12/2020 10:51

@tinselearedcow

This is what I don't get. Why are so many women ok with other went being humiliated and degraded

It's odd. Some sort of Stockholm Syndrome? A desire to seem cool? So desperate for a relationship with a man that their standards are really low?

All of these I think. Desperation not to be seen as the uncool, uptight 'prude'. Wanting to be the cool girl who hangs out with the guys and "isn't like all the other girls" because she's so relaxed about this stuff.

It took me a long time to realise that when a man says "you're great, you're different to all the other girls/women", it's not really a compliment, he's just admitting that he generally despises women.

OhDearMuriel · 26/12/2020 10:52

My opinion of him would have dropped to zero.

He already knew your view on this, so I can only assume he lacks intelligence and it's very deeply engrained in him.

Original poster
ByAnotherNameToday · 26/12/2020 10:54

I am just curious, how can he delete a photo fromyourphone?? Sorry for the tangent

If you delete the message within the hour, you can delete from both chats. I have my settings not to save WA photos straight to my camera roll in case i get sent anything i dont want the children to see inadvertently.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 26/12/2020 10:55

His response was to phone me up for a chat and to connect in that way

So you've basically told him you're incompatible and you'll "leave it there" and his response is to push for further contact anyway

He's clearly not very good with boundaries, but then you already discovered that. Obviously don't respond, but keep an eye out in case it turns to outright harrassment and you need to report

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